Family/Friends

Help Me To Help You!

Help Me To Help You!

  1. I am only HUMAN. As much as I want to help you with, listen to, and understand your problems, I am just human, and have my failings just like you.
  2. I cannot offer a miracle cure, I cannot fix your problems, I can only support you through them.
  3. The things I say will often be the "wrong" response, and I will probably react in the "wrong" way, but please trust me that I am trying my best.
  4. I love you and I would NEVER intentionally hurt you. If I am insensitive or say the "wrong" thing, it's just because I don't know how else to show I care.
  5. I cannot always be there for you. In the long run, you must stand alone, you cannot depend on me. I can support you, but I cannot hold you up. However hard I try, I am not strong enough to carry you as well as carrying myself.
  6. I cannot, and will not bear your guilt. If you are angry at yourself, please don't turn it back at me because for me, that is the worst thing I can imagine.
  7. Although you want me to treat you as "normal" and although I know I should, sometimes my care for you overrides my sense of right and wrong. It might be wrong to wrap you in cotton wool, but I care about you too much to do otherwise.
  8. Likewise, if an argument might end in you blaming me for SI, I may avoid arguments because I cannot cope with that guilt. Yes, it's wrong to treat you differently in that way, but it's the only way I can cope with helping you.
  9. I do not begrudge you my help and support, I care about you, but please respect that as much as I love you, your problems do take a toll on me, just as they do on you.
  10. If I break your confidence it's because I love you and am trying to do my best for you. To betray your secret and protect you from yourself will always be more important to me. There is no point for me to loyally keep my word if it means you end up dead.
  11. I don't presume to know best, or know more than you about how you feel, but I will still have my opinion on what's going on in your life, and I am willing to stick by it.
  12. Just remember... we are all only human.

If you are going to help me:

  1. Please be patient while I decide if I can trust you.
  2. Let me tell you my story. The whole story. In my own way.
  3. Please accept that whatever I may have done, whatever I may do is the best I have to offer and seemed right at the time.
  4. I am not "a" person. I am *this* person, unique and special.
  5. Don't judge me as right or wrong, bad or good. I am what I am and that is all I have got
  6. Don't assume that your knowledge about me is more accurate than mine. You only know what I have told you. That's only part of me.
  7. Don't ever think that you know what I should do -- you don't. I may be confused, but I am still the expert about me.
  8. Don't place me in a position of living up to your expectations. I have enough trouble with mine.
  9. Please hear my feelings, not just my words -- accept all of them. If you can't, how can I?
  10. Don't save me. I can do it myself. I knew enough to ask for your help, didn't I? Help me to better myself.

Article written with help from:

http://www.busmail.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=39354
http://www.stardrift.net/survivor/if.html

Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance: A Memoir.

You always hear that trickling phrase, "Life is short." or, "Live for today." I used to think, what a bunch of bullshit. I'm 22, life is not short for me. Yeah; or is it really short? A friend of mine recently passed away at the age of 22. Tell me how this happens? Tell me how someone so vibrant and loved just dies? My friend used to be a member of this site, as well. Her name was Kristen aka IM so tOrmenteD. Actually, I met her through this site. I was sixteen, drinking beers, and severely depressed. I met Kristen in the chat room that night and her calm words and our in-depth conversations built into a great friendship. A friendship in which we would call love. She was my first love.

Our conversations consisted of anything and everything. I remember we even talked about what animals we would be if we could. We both agreed on monkeys. After hearing of her passing, I quickly rummaged through our online journals to just find what comments she had left me. One being: "You are my world, please don't take that away from me." I couldn't help but think, that even though our love changed into a friendship... my world was taken away; so quickly. I still do not fully believe that she is no longer around. She used to tell me she was always just a phone call away. Yet, all of our conversations were minuscule compared to her friends and family around her. They got to see her daily, talk to her daily, they knew her. I cannot even begin to imagine what pain and grief they are going through. I wish them the strength and the will to live their lives and move on.

What I did know was that she was not fully happy about her own life and wanted out numerous times. I just hope she is happy where she is now and is still with us in spirit. I wish there was a definite way to find out what happens after death because I truly hope we live amongst each other in spirit life; I hope to meet her one day and hear her beautiful voice again.

I love you, Beautiful... always.

What Is Friendship & Why Do You Need It?

Why do we all truly feel we need friends in life? Is it because we feel so incomplete without them? Is it because we need someone to talk to and confide in? The truth is, every person looks for a true best friend and friendship in general to feel wanted. Also, because without them, life can seem and be more difficult then it actually is or has to be. Friends are the persons we want to be there for when we need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. Someone to either hang out with after school, or a person to confide in and be able to trust no matter the condition or what the situation at hand is. Friends are something every person needs in life. If you cannot trust your friends, then are they really your friends? Are they special enough for you to consider them your "friends". I believe if someone calls you their "friend" then you should feel special. This is a big thing to me. Since "friends" is something you do need in life, sometimes it is what keeps a person sane. Without friendship and friends life would be very boring, not having that friend to call up to go to the mall and watch the boys, or to be your date at the school dance when nobody else will be. A friend is someone who is not ashamed to be seen with you in public. They are proud to call you a friend and cherish the friendship to the end.

Many of us also live life with friends we like to call our "best friends". What is a best friend exactly? A friend who you think is the best? That special person or those special people who are always there for you? The people you put the most trust in and want to be with the most? Best friends, to most people are the ones that are THE TRUE friends and no matter what the situation is, no matter what you do (within limits) they are right there standing by your side. A best friend should be a person who will help you when your upset, even if it's at them, they will try and make you laugh when your feeling down. They will overall just sit and listen to you in any time of need. A best friend is more likely a friend, just one you feel that much closer to, or a person you just truly trust; more then any of your regular friends. Best friends overall, are just the people you like most, or trust most.

Many people go through life without a "best friend". Without that special person to confide in, or that person to call up when you think you finally fell "in love". I believe, without a best friend, that time in life would not be very enjoyable. So many people feel left out, or that nobody cares about them, when most of the time, there is that person who sits down everyday and watches you; who just wishes they could walk up to you and say "hello". This person sits down everyday and just wants to be your friend because they either themselves have no true friends or just want to be yours. Everyone has a best friend, some do not know it, some do not want to face this fact, and some just don't believe it. I truly believe no matter who you are, whether you are black, white, purple, pink, blue, jewish, english, french, catholic, or any other religion or race, that you do have a best friend, you just may not know it yet. Overall, friendship is something many of us take advantage of and don't realize how important and special it is to us until it is gone; or until we talk to people who believe they have none at all. If you take advantage of your friendship with a person, do you truly deserve to be their friend? Think about it!

With All These Recalls On Pet Food, What's Healthy... What's Not?

The canned food you've been feeding your cat, Frisky, or your dog, Sparky, has been recalled. You read the list of recalled foods and you're wondering - what's okay to feed my pet? In recent US news, many commercial wet foods that were produced in a Menu Foods facility have been recalled. Some of these products include: Iams, Eukanuba and many others. In other words, most of the cans and pouches you've purchased at a grocery store, Walmart, PetSmart, Pet Valu, Petco or even a Pet Boutique may have been recalled. Many cats and dogs have fallen sick or have closed doors because of this contamination. It's a devastating mess up. But - maybe this will show all pet owners something. If this huge list of over 40 brand name foods have been recalled all for same reason, what does this show you? They all have similar ingredients and are made the same way. There is no difference, really. It's all the same food. How weird. And they've all been recalled? So how healthy are these foods to begin with? Not very healthy at all.

Who really is Menu Foods?

In simplest terms, Menu Foods is a can food manufacturer. Many companies, like Eukanuba and Nutro, use this manufacturer for the production of cans.

Some other pet foods were recalled, why?

Some other pet foods, like Hills Prescription Diet MD for felines and a whole pack full of Nutro cans were recently recalled. Why? The Hills MD was voluntarily recalled because the FDA found melamine in the food. Nutro was also voluntarily recalled. It was recalled because of the wheat gluten in it. Bottom line: foods are being looked into carefully now, in case, of new contaminations.

What is wheat gluten anyway?

Wheat gluten is a part of wheat that's primarily used instead of actual meat. In pet terms, it's referred to as a "filler." It fills up portions of the pet food instead of using actual meat. Many vegetarians will eat wheat gluten instead of meat. But, dogs and cats are naturally carnivores and need meat protein.

What's melamine?

Melamine is an "ingredient" used with another component to produce plastic. Some products made with melamine are fabrics, glues and countertops. If consumed, melamine may produce kidney stones, reproductive damage or even cancer.

So what can you do now for pet? What are you supposed to buy?

  • Number one: Look at ingredients. Scan through all the ingredients listed and look for food words that you can read. Natural foods will have ingredients like "deboned chicken," "chicken meal," "whole eggs," etc.
  • Number two: Try and find a holistic pet food store near you for foods that are not commercial. If there aren't any holistic stores near you; look at the sites of the example foods listed below. Some healthy and natural pet foods are: Innova, Natural Balance, Wellness, and Merrick.

How To Cope When A Friend And Loved One Dies.

My wager is that most, if not all, of us have unfortunately had someone we loved very much die. Some of the loved ones have died in their old age, peacefully, while others have had deaths that make no sense to us, such as in the Columbine school shooting, and other school tragedies. The pain that we feel when one of our friends dies is very real and very heartbreaking. We go through each day, unsure of anything and confused about why we've been left here when our friends had to leave this earth. I know when I lost my dearest friend, I never felt so alone and maybe even angry at the world, my family, and even my friend. How do we survive they pain that death puts us through?

I think that the most important thing we must do is to forgive ourselves for the death. We are not responsible, and I don't think our friends would want us to blame ourselves for something that we had no control over, do you? We can't control life, we can't control what other people do, and we can't control who lives or dies. We can't even control the emotions that we go through when someone close to use dies. Many times, there are feelings of guilt and overwhelming sadness and isolation. Our emotions happen to us, not the other way around.

I lost my brother to death, so I know how much guilt you're going through and how much pain you feel when you lose someone you didn't expect to lose, but you know what? Each and every one of us are here on this earth for a purpose and I don't believe that any of us die before we have accomplished that goal. I, for instance, even attempted suicide several times and always failed, before I realized that I really wanted to live. Do you know why I think I failed? I failed because I have yet to accomplish they purpose that I have on this earth. The same goes for you; you're still here because you haven't accomplished your purpose yet.

Our friends who die before us, on they other hand, must have accomplished their purpose that they had for living. I don't know what that purpose is right now because I don't know your friends. Maybe it was to help a certain friend out of a bad time, or maybe it was as simple as experiencing happiness. Either way, once they had accomplished their goal, they didn't need to be there anymore, so they went to a place that offers him or her all they happiness, love and security they could ever need. Why do some of our good friends have to die in fights, or in violent ways that they had absolutely no control over? I don't know; I wish I did, but what matters is not how they died, but just they fact that they were here for a reason and that they didn't die for no reason, they died because they accomplished their purpose, even if they didn't yet know what was their purpose.

Something else that has given me comfort whenever I've lost a close friend to death is writing letters. It may sound silly right now, but believe me, writing letters to our friends could help you feel so much closer to them again and it would help you come to terms with their death. You could write whatever you'd like to tell them and get all of your feelings out. My great grandmother, the person I loved most in this world, died when I was eight years old and I still write her letters, every year on her birthday, because it helps me remember that even though she may not be physically here, she's not out of my life either, and it helps keep the love I feel for her alive.

In addition to writing your friend letters, I think all of us who lose loved ones to death need to talk with someone; maybe your school counselor, maybe your mom, maybe another trusted relative, maybe your youth minister, but someone whom you can trust. Conversation is they stepping stool to healing but silence leads only to dire consequences and more pain, and you don't deserve that. Your friend would not want you to continue living in so much pain, would they?

Also, remember that God loves you. We don't always understand why He allows certain things to happen, but He knows they future and we don't, so it's best to trust Him, and He love us more than we could ever even love each other. Remember His son died on a cross: He understands your pain more than I ever could, and they'll be right there to help you get through it.