Sex, Sexuality & Pregnancy

When Should I Have Sex?

The 'simple answer' is that you should have sex when you feel comfortable and ready to do so. But of course, life is rarely ever made sense of with the simple answers! Feelings are not always easy to understand and it can be hard to make sense of how you feel!

Whether you're a virgin or whether you've 'been there and done that' before, the question 'when should I have sex' can be a big one to think about. Sex can be a an emotional and physical milestone, it's a very intimate experience, and for those reasons timing often feels crucial.

So how do you know when the timing is right to have sex? Only you will know after thinking it through. Below is a list of important questions to ask yourself before having sex.

  • Why do you want to have sex?
  • Do you feel sex involves an emotional connection, physical affection, or both?
  • Does sex (or abstaining from it) have important religious and/or ethical significance for you?
  • Are you physically and emotionally ready?
  • If the relationship between you and your partner broke up, how would you be affected by having had a sexual relationship?
  • Do you know how to protect yourself against sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy? Is your sexual partner willing to use protection? Do you know how you would cope if you or your partner got pregnant, or if you found out you have an STD?
  • Can you and your partner discuss what sort of sexual things you are comfortable or uncomfortable doing? It's important to know each other's boundaries and trust each other.
  • Do you want to have sex because you want to, or do you feel pressured into it by your sexual partner?
  • Do you feel comfortable saying no to your partner?
  • What is the age of consent in your state or country?

There are no right or wrong answers to the above questions, although I would advise anyone to think about declining to be sexually intimate with someone you're uncomfortable saying no to, or before breaking the law.

Having thought about the above questions, do you think there could be alternatives to having sex?

Could you be more physically affectionate by giving each other a massage or cuddling? Sometimes a bit more physical intimacy can satisfy your needs instead of having sex!

What is the Average Penis Size? Does Size Matter?

The age-old question, "Am I well hung?" Well, before going on to see where you stand, or should we say hang, remember that size isn’t everything. Most women prefer a man with a less then average penis and great at cunnilingus, to a man with a larger penis and no skills. Furthermore, you should never worry about your size; it will only lead to anxieties and potentially a variety of sexual dysfunctions.

If you are racing forward to find out what the average penis size is to see if you are OK, stop. Read the first paragraph again. The purpose of this article is not so that men can come and see if they are “big enough”, it‘s purpose is to satisfy curiosity, and to reiterate to all the self conscious males out there that size is not everything.

One of the reasons that men are so self-conscious about this has to do with illusions. When men are in the locker room, they can’t help but glance around the room to see how they measure up. Unfortunately, there is a very different angle looking down than across the room, so men become paranoid that they are too small. Also, a man’s limp size has very little indication to his erect size. Furthermore, most men start getting paranoid about it before they have finished growing.

That being said (hopefully not ignored) penis size consists of two components, length and circumference. Although most studies in this area vary slightly in the findings, the average erect penis length is 5.5 to 6.5 inches, and the average circumference is 4.5 to 5 inches.

Penis Length

Your erection length is defined as the linear distance along the dorsal (top) side of the erect penis, from the mons veneris to the tip of the glans. In non-medical jargon, your penis is measured in a straight, or for some arced, line on the topside of the erect penis, from where your belly meets the shaft to the tip of your penis. Take multiple measurements over the course of a few days and then average the values. Since your erections can vary slightly depending on your level of arousal, mood, room temperature, and even the duration since your last sexual encounter, averaging out a few measurements will let you get a more accurate read.

Penis Circumference

Penis circumference is defined as the linear distance around the widest part of the erect penis. Whether you use a piece of string or a fabric ruler, you should wrap it around the widest part of your penis, one time. If using string, make sure it is not stretchy, and mark the string at the correct spot and then measure the portion with a ruler. As with penis length, this should be done over a few days and the result averaged out.

Does Size Matter?

The second most famous question; "Is it the size of the ship, or the motion of the ocean?"... Both are correct, so yes, size does matter. Anyone who tells you differently is not being completely truthful. As covered in other sections, the majority of a woman's nerve endings are in the first couple inches of her vagina, so exactly how much size matters is a controversial topic. Most women agree that an average size penis, along with an understanding of her genital regions will get the job done. In fact, they would prefer that to a large penis as it could come along with a lot of pain for the first few times together for them. For those dreaming for an 8+ inch penis, just remember that it doesn’t always come in as handy as you think. Having a large penis decreases your chances of your partner being willing to have anal intercourse, as well as deep-throating.

What You Need To Know Before Your First Time Having Sex.

The first time you have sex, you need to make sure you are prepared, mentally and physically. Your reasons for having sex must be something other than "I want him to like me more" or "He says I have to or he'll dump me". Guys who pressure girls into sex are nothing but jerks. They aren't worth your time (or energy!) so don't give in to them if they use some phony lines on you.

A little "myth" which also runs alongside sex is that the first time for girls is more often that not, very painful. This isn't fully true. Many girls experience 3 minutes of pain, some 3 seconds, and some 3 days. There are a few reasons why pain can be felt. A piece of stretchy skin across the entrance to your vagina called the hymen is one of the main sources of pain for the first time. It breaks during sex and this can sometimes cause a tiny amount of pain or maybe a little bit of bleeding. Another reason is because the vagina is a muscle, and when you overstretch it, just like any other muscle, it HURTS. Because it is not used to having something inside of it, the vagina can be overstretched the first few times, causing pain. There are things you can do to reduce this pain, such as: getting REALLY aroused before intercourse, using lots of water-based lubricant as sometimes natural lubricant isn't enough, and using spermicidal lubricated condoms. These condoms are nice and slippery and protect you against pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Diseases. DO NOT USE VASELINE OR OIL BASED LUBRICATION, ONLY WATER-BASED!!! Anything other than water-based lubrication WILL damage the condoms and make them DISINTEGRATE very rapidly.

Some people expect their first time to be "special"; they invision candles burning, music playing in the background, and slow, lingering sex followed by (of course) an explosive orgasm. This might actually happen for some people, but it only happens in the movies. The coming together of two bodies is going to be anything but graceful. If you put too much pressure on this by lighting the candles and saying "tonight's the night!" then chances are, it isn't going to work. Preparation for sex is of course, still important. I'm going to run down a little checklist with you to help you be sure that you are physically and mentally prepared. This list is a guide and may have left out things specific to your situation.

Contraception

I cannot emphasize enough how important protection is. You must use protection to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and pregnancy! Remember, there's nothing wrong with carrying a packet of condoms around with you, "just in case" (but not in your wallet as they disintegrate from the heat).

Do you feel ready?

Do you feel in your heart, your soul and your body that you are fully ready for the emotional upheaval your body will experience when you share this sacred act with another? If your mind is still running through the question "Am I ready?" or you are still feeling scared, then maybe you aren't fully ready for this. Maybe you need to wait a little longer (if your partner loves you, they will wait for you).

The time and place?

If the time and place are, between the halves of a football match with his parents in the next room drinking cups of tea, then you haven't QUITE got this sex thing figured out. You need somewhere with no distractions (like loud music or parents in the next room asleep) so that you can both concentrate fully on consummating your love in a quiet and undisturbed fashion. There's no worse passion squishier than your little brother knocking on the door halfway through and asking you to come downstairs because dinners ready! :)

Is this the right person?

No one is forcing you to sleep with every guy/girl you go out with. I recommend you wait at least till 6 months into the relationship before having sex. This gives you time to become acquainted with the person and trust them. It also filters out the guys (and girls) who will use you for sex and then dump you since they can't be bothered to wait 6 months! :)

What if I were to get pregnant?

ANYTIME you have sex you have a CHANCE of getting pregnant. You need to make sure you maturely discuss all the outcomes with your partner before commencing the act (preferably not 5 minutes before). What if you were to get pregnant? What would they do? If their answer is "Get on the first train outta here!" then you are obviously wasting your time. If their answer is "love and support you through this and respect any decisions you decide to make" then you are onto a good one here! :)

Do I know my partner's sexual history?

You should always know your partner's sexual history because they COULD be carrying an STD. If your partner has already had a couple sexual partners, I would suggest asking him to get tested for STDs. Please read the article on STDs for more information.

How about a backup method of contraception?

A backup method of contraception is always a good idea, but not essential. I recommend either the pill or depo provera as your backup methods. You can read about these in the article entitled "Myths People Use To Get Sex & Information On Contraception (Protection)."

Remember that sex is a huge emotional commitment to someone and making that commitment is a very sacred thing to do indeed. Sex is fun, just make sure you take the responsibilities beforehand to make sure it's safe and enjoyable too! :)

When You Meet A Homosexual: 10 Tips For The Heterosexual.

Taken From: http://www.whosoever.org/issue4/issue4_tips.html

  1. Do not run screaming from the room. This is rude.
  2. If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion.
  3. Do not assume he/she is attracted to you.
  4. Do not assume he/she is not attracted to you.
  5. Do not expect him/her to be as excited about meeting a heterosexual as you may be about meeting a homosexual. He/she was probably raised with straight people.
  6. Do not immediately start talking about your boy/girlfriend or husband/wife in order to make it clear that you are straight. He/she probably already knows.
  7. Do not ask him/her how he/she got that way. Instead, ask yourself how you got the way you are.
  8. Do not assume he/she is dying to talk about being homosexual.
  9. Do not expect him/her to refrain from talking about being homosexual.
  10. Do not trivialize his/her experience by assuming it is a bedroom issue only. He/she is homosexual 24 hours a day.

What Will Others Think? Does it Matter?

This is an article for anyone who is unsure about their sexuality or are worried about what others will think about them if they were to tell the truth regarding their sexuality.

Everyone's tastes are different and you cannot change yours! Some people realize that they are gay from a young age but others do not realize until later in life so its not abnormal to be unsure about your sexuality while you are a teen. Perhaps you have strong feelings one way or another? Or, perhaps you like both males and females? A girl who has been my friend since we started primary school together recently admitted to me that she was bisexual. She was unsure as to how I would react as others had criticized her. But I did not understand why, as through my eyes she was still, and always would be Rebecca.

It's what's on the inside that truly counts and perhaps you might think that if you hide your sexuality, that you will gain acceptance, but what about happiness? You do not want to lose your true self! Some people take longer than others in realizing their sexuality but if you do decide that you are gay or bisexual, remember that you are still the same person as before!

In case anyone is wondering, I am straight, however I do know many people who are bisexual or gay and I do not see them any different as I previously did. The most important thing to remember is to stay true to yourself. Being gay does not make you a bad person! It just makes you extra special, and anyone who cannot see that is probably not worth your time anyway! I'm not saying it will be easy as eating a pie because it won't, but if you understand that you remain the same then others will catch on. Do not be worried, afraid or embarrassed about what other people will say. If you accept yourself, others will too.

You do not change just because you realise your sexuality.