"Growing Up" - a dedication to my younger brother when he was going through a tough time with drugs.
When we were young, I was bigger than you. When we got older, you got bigger than me. I remember a time when you would come to me to solve your problems. Now, you are dealing with your biggest one yet and all you do is isolate yourself from the only one who actually believes that you can turn your life around and change. I remember a time when, if you were hurting, I could step in as your big sister and help the hurt go away. Now you, my big, little brother, are nowhere to be seen and you are in a world of hurt and despair. You don't know how to deal with it and you don't seem to remember that I was not too long ago, where you are right now. I got myself through my tough times when no one else would. You think that no one helped me? That it is a pile of crap? I can tell you that it isn't the case. You think that no one can help you?I can say from experience that this is just an excuse. As much as you want to believe that you can do this on your own, I think that you can't and are just too afraid to let anyone in. Well, I'm begging you as your older sister. I know you need and want help and your next step is to admit to me and to everyone else who loves and cares about you that you do. Admitting to yourself and to one friend is not enough; you need to ask for help. Hope just isn't enough anymore. It's good that you and I still have that but, it isn't enough. I only wish that we hadn't drifted so far apart. I only wish that you had stopped the first time. I only wish that you could come to me, your sister, for help. I only wish that I can keep the hope from disappearing in a torrent of self-loathing that I can't even begin to describe. I know that you're hurting and you're doing what you do because it hurts. I know just how hard it is to stop and I know that I can only hope that we can put our differences aside long enough so that I can help you out. You are all grown up now and there is nothing I can do. We don't even operate on the same wavelength anymore. I don't know what to do but try and be there for you and hope for the best. That is what big sisters are for, right?