When Should I Have Sex?

The 'simple answer' is that you should have sex when you feel comfortable and ready to do so. But of course, life is rarely ever made sense of with the simple answers! Feelings are not always easy to understand and it can be hard to make sense of how you feel!

Whether you're a virgin or whether you've 'been there and done that' before, the question 'when should I have sex' can be a big one to think about. Sex can be a an emotional and physical milestone, it's a very intimate experience, and for those reasons timing often feels crucial.

So how do you know when the timing is right to have sex? Only you will know after thinking it through. Below is a list of important questions to ask yourself before having sex.

  • Why do you want to have sex?
  • Do you feel sex involves an emotional connection, physical affection, or both?
  • Does sex (or abstaining from it) have important religious and/or ethical significance for you?
  • Are you physically and emotionally ready?
  • If the relationship between you and your partner broke up, how would you be affected by having had a sexual relationship?
  • Do you know how to protect yourself against sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy? Is your sexual partner willing to use protection? Do you know how you would cope if you or your partner got pregnant, or if you found out you have an STD?
  • Can you and your partner discuss what sort of sexual things you are comfortable or uncomfortable doing? It's important to know each other's boundaries and trust each other.
  • Do you want to have sex because you want to, or do you feel pressured into it by your sexual partner?
  • Do you feel comfortable saying no to your partner?
  • What is the age of consent in your state or country?

There are no right or wrong answers to the above questions, although I would advise anyone to think about declining to be sexually intimate with someone you're uncomfortable saying no to, or before breaking the law.

Having thought about the above questions, do you think there could be alternatives to having sex?

Could you be more physically affectionate by giving each other a massage or cuddling? Sometimes a bit more physical intimacy can satisfy your needs instead of having sex!