[MattMan]

Hey, been a little while since I've posted here. I have a girlfriend. She found me on Facebook, just trying to reconnect. She was looking to make a friend. We got into a few discussions, and in a couple months she said at the end of the conversation something like "goodnight, sweetie". Me having been lead on numerous times by girls in the past said I didn't want that to happen. She said she was really attracted to me, from the things I was saying over msn. I helped her finalize a breakup with an ex from hell, we talked about anything and everything. News, music, friends, sex, weight, the list goes on. We still talk about everything. I love her. The thing is, she lives in Edmonton, and I live in North Battleford (4.5 hour drive). She wants me to move there to live with her. I want to, but I don't know if I'm ready. We set a date of August 1st, but I'm gonna talk to her on the phone, maybe in the middle of typing this. I'm so scared of something happening that's just gonna make us hate each other or something. I'm so scared of us falling apart, and me having to come back here because I've wanted to get out of my parents' house so bad for the past couple years. Everytime I talk to somebody I trust, they shake my confidence that we'll be able to work anything out that comes up and succeed in general. I want it to work. I'm so scared of the future though, because I can't work 9-5 very well like the average joe. We kinda have a job lined up, but my confidence that I'll be able to do that is shaky at best. I want to do this for me, because I feel like I put up with shit all the time here that I shouldn't and I ususally do everything because somebody else wants me to. I'm so terrified of the unknown, and this is a HUGE unknown because I've never lived anywhere other than under my parents' care. I love her, and I thought she wanted me to be sure I wanted me to be ready to move there before I did, but now she's telling me I should just go there because it makes her feel terrible when I'm not there. I'll admit, I feel a huge wave of disappointment when I leave/she leaves after spending a weekend together, I want this to work though, not fail after a year, a couple years, or something like that.

[Cindy]

Change is a very very scary thing, and you don't know what will happen except if you try.

Your only 4hrs away if something happens that isn't too much of a distance to move back home.

Aug 1st is still far away. Try to have a few more weekends together to make you feel more confident. If it's meant to be, it will work out. If it isn't, then you have another experience under your belt to make the next relationship that much better.

[MattMan]

I've talked to Nicole about it, I think I want to postpone moving until November 1st... we'll have more weekends together, but I'm not ready to move... am I just feeding my fear by postponing this?

[Cindy]

I don't think your feeding any fears Matt. You don't feel sure yet and that is ok. Moving is a HUGE change and a HUGE commitment which alone can be very very scary.

If by the end of Oct. you still feel this scared then I would at that time consider ending the relationship and moving on, but just give yourself some more time.

Good luck

[FranklinF]

i agree with cindy, waiting to move in with someone you dont know isnt a bad idea, but i also wanted to add, that maybe the fear you have of eventually maybe possibly breaking up after you get there is a bit irrational, yes ideally every relationship will work out, but you are young so try not to put too much weight on will this last or not, i did that for about three years, and it was pretty miserable for me, after i stopped worrying about it alot of the stress went away heh we even managed getting married but even now im not looking for how long will this last, im looking at enjoying it while its happening enjoy yourself, learn daily, treat her well, and this will work as long as it should.

[MattMan]

I've talked to her more, and I'm just prolonging inconvenience by making this wait until November. I'm not going to move in with her, but I'm going to move much closer so that it's a 20 minute drive instead of a 4 hours or more drive.

[StarsHope]

Here is a little tid bit to give you hope: my husband and i met online. We lived 5.5 hours apart for our entire relationship.. even for two weeks after we were married because i had two weeks left before i graduate college. We visited on weekends and anytime either of us had extra time off from school/work. You can make a long distance relationship work without moving to where the other person lives. My husband and i recently moved across the country for his job about a month after we were married. life is great. =) it can work! just give yourself time to make sure this is really what you want.

[iHEAVENn]

I also met my husband online.. however I lived in Cali and he lived in Oregon.. (18 hours apart) nice huh? lol

Anyways.. I think moving closer to her is a great idea... this way you can get out of your parents house, but not be living with her just yet.. It'll still give you two the alone time that you need to help build the relationship :)

[MattMan]

I've been living with her for the past week (with her roommates). Now, I'm getting these feelings that make me think that I don't really love her after all :(
I really care about her though, and I don't want to kibbosh the relationship. I'm getting more comfortable using the public transit here, but I have yet to find a job. I do have some money saved up, but I don't know for sure how much longer that will last me.
I really want her in my life, and I love being her boyfriend, but I think that this move was too soon.
I don't want to go back, but I don't know if I care to stay in this house too much longer. We've both expressed to each other that we feel somewhat less welcome here than we'd like to. Everytime we talk about this, she says she can see it now, I'll be going back to North Battleford. I was so unhappy there for so long, I don't want to go back to that.
I want to stay here in town, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to afford to pay rent somewhere. I don't feel like I should live with Nicole yet, but I don't know how I'd live on my own and I don't really know anybody here to find a roommate. She feels terrible for "forcing" me to move here. I don't want her to feel like that. I guess I have to tell her that I moved here of my own free will. I thought it would turn out as well as she did.

[iHEAVENn]

If the move was too soon then of course you'll be having all these feelings.
Maybe you can put up a flyer at the local college asking for a roomate? Yeah you wont know them ... but it's someone to hopefully help with rent.
Just keep looking for a job there in town, and take whatever comes available. Even if it's not your ideal job.

[Shy]

Here's the thing about meeting someone online. U get to know their personality more than anything else. Which is a really good thing because a lot of people in relationships don't get to understand a persons personality till yrs later. But the bad side to that is, u only know their personality from how they speak and wat they say, it's different when u finally spend days w/ them because the little things they do and the way they act (that they dont' realize) shows through. So my suggestion, speak to her and let her know wat's going on and how ur feeling, u guys had a speaking relationship this whole time and u don't want now to b the time to stay quiet. If u guys r that dedicated to each other then u'll learn to work through the problem, also know that it takes time to adjust to someone. So a few weeks isn't that long.

I have a friend who I met through WinMX, for those of u that don't know wat that is..it's a P2P music program that came out a little after napster shut down. So i met this girl in one of the chat rooms there, we were both bored and ended up there. It's been 8yrs since then and I still talk to her and she's the only one I call my Best friend. I hung out with her for a weekend a couple of yrs ago and a month ago I hung out w/ her for a week and a half. We stayed in a hotel out in the city (i live in NY) and there were times where I felt like "Wow i can't stand her" but i realized it wasn't cause I couldn't stand her, it was because I was used to living my way and having to adjust to her and having to put someone else before myself was something I had to get used to and by the end of the week we know wat ticked each other off and wat we needed to adjust to. But like i said, it was because we haven't grown to live w/ each other and that's y it was so hard. I'm going to see her in September for a few days and we'll see how that goes now that we've had over a week w/ each other and know we have to adjust to each other.
I can honestly say I love this girl with all my heart but I know me and her could never b together (long story).

[MattMan]

I'm moved back because, yes, it was too soon for me to move there. I wasn't ready to move all that way to be with her. I'm just ready to move out of my parents' house finally and find my way in the world on my own. I think I'm ready to live with Nicolse, but not the other roommates that were in the house. Everything was confusing me when I was there because I couldn't tell whether emotions I was feeling were because of stress or because of feelings I was having. All in all, I'm not sure, but I'm not willing to throw what we had/have away because I'm unsure. If I'm unsure, she told me I shouldn't have moved there. I think she was right, but I care about her so much that I want her in my life, whatever it takes.

[iHEAVENn]

You don't have to live with her to have her in your life.
Just stay in the relationship, but get find your own place.. :) Visit with each other when you can, talk when you can etc. things will work out.

[MattMan]

__..~~^^**--UPDATE__..~~^^**--


My mom and I moved, and Nicole's moving in with us at the beginning of May. I go see her when I can, I haven't had a job for a long time.

[iHEAVENn]

:)
Is this what you want?
You've got until may to think about things, which is nice :)
And I'm sure between now and then you will find a job

[MattMan]

----------UPDATE----------

Nicole and I are hitting a rough patch, I'm doubting our relationship a LOT lately, and am not sure if I deserve her anymore. I don't know what I want anymore, other than her.

Also, I don't understand what I'm supposed to do to make things better, she knows that she can't do anything from her home, but I don't exactly feel in control from here.

[Cindy]

Long distance relationship are very VERY hard to keep going, more so if the relationship is rocky to begin with. Just communicate with her and yourself about your feelings and remember to listen as much as talk.

[iHEAVENn]

What's making you doubt the relationship? The distance? or other things going on?
It's hard to fix a relationship when there are miles between the two partners.. The best thing you can do is talk to her about how and what you're feeling, and then let her talk about what she's feeling.. You need to work on the relationship together in order for it to work.

[MattMan]

We're doing alright now, she went through a little bit of doubting, and I reassured her, I think we're good now for a while lol.

[MattMan]

Ugh.... the past few days I've been feeling really lonely :( I don't want this to have to go on... she's canceled her plan for May, she has a bunch of debt she'd like to clear up and I'm not settled where I'm living yet (been here. I'm still unemployed, hopefully that's gonna change in the near future but I'm not feeling very good at all today. I'll go Monday morning, hit before lunch.