Hello everyone
a friend of mine's grandfather is dying and in the same week that she heard this terrible news,she broke up with her boyfriend.
I listen to her story &nd her feelings/thoughts inside and she always cries out at me.
My question is: is there a better way to help her than just listening? Listening is good, but I'd like ... this sounds weird I would like to find a way = without she is saying something, I already know that there is a problem.
--> one step ahead.
Many people can set up a fake smile, but I want to see through that wall / barricade
Summary:
What is the best way to comfort the girl?
Thank you
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2 replies to this topic
#2
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Posted 26 March 2011 - 09:54 PM
Hello Poisonivy,
I understand your point of view and your idea of wanting to help her, by more than just listening to her, but in a situation like that, unfortunately there is not much that you can do, because what would really make her feel better? Is for her to see that her grandfather has cured, and is all well now, only then would her pain heal, and she would feel better again,and maybe even try to make things right with her boyfriend again. But can you cure her grandfather? ofcourse you can't, this is something up to god (are you religious?). We're all sick at some point of our lives and then we all die at the end, and as much as it hurts and as much as it's sad, you just have to accept it, because if you do, because if you understand the concept that no one will stay, and that we will all die, it will make things easier, because you will know then, that you will join that person you loved so much, you will join him one day, and if you are a believer of the afterlife, then you should know that you will meet this person in the afterlife and spend eternity with this person, much better than the life you had here on earth.
There is nothing that you can do more than just to simply be there for her, and listen to her and comfort her and tell her that everything is going to be alright. You should also tell her boyfriend to be there for her even if she broke up with him, because when a person loves another, they are there for them no matter what. What has breaking up with each other have anything to do with him being there for her in such a hard time or not? On the contrary, she needs as many people as she can get around her and being there for her and caring for her. And if your boyfriend is really there for her, he could actually prove his love to her, and things might return to normal between them, but he can't just simply agree when she tells him that it's over, he can't just leave her in such a situation, because the only reason she broke up with him is because she wasn't thinking straight, and she was upset and angry, and she felt like she didn't care about anything anymore, but she cares, it's only the sadness speaking.
And you know something, it's not only you who can't do more than just listening, no one else can do anything more for her, even her own parents won't be able to make her feel better. I mean, imagine how her own parents feel, they must be devastated, their pain is much much deeper, and yet there is no one there for them to do anything more than to listen to them, because no one did this or caused this, it's life that did this, and you can't stand in the way of life or get back at life. Just be there for her and listen to her and comfort her, that's the best you can do, and by time, she will get better on her own, and she will move on and she will learn to accept it.
Please feel free to reply back if you'd like to discuss this problem, or make a new post if you'd like to discuss another problem you're going through.
I understand your point of view and your idea of wanting to help her, by more than just listening to her, but in a situation like that, unfortunately there is not much that you can do, because what would really make her feel better? Is for her to see that her grandfather has cured, and is all well now, only then would her pain heal, and she would feel better again,and maybe even try to make things right with her boyfriend again. But can you cure her grandfather? ofcourse you can't, this is something up to god (are you religious?). We're all sick at some point of our lives and then we all die at the end, and as much as it hurts and as much as it's sad, you just have to accept it, because if you do, because if you understand the concept that no one will stay, and that we will all die, it will make things easier, because you will know then, that you will join that person you loved so much, you will join him one day, and if you are a believer of the afterlife, then you should know that you will meet this person in the afterlife and spend eternity with this person, much better than the life you had here on earth.
There is nothing that you can do more than just to simply be there for her, and listen to her and comfort her and tell her that everything is going to be alright. You should also tell her boyfriend to be there for her even if she broke up with him, because when a person loves another, they are there for them no matter what. What has breaking up with each other have anything to do with him being there for her in such a hard time or not? On the contrary, she needs as many people as she can get around her and being there for her and caring for her. And if your boyfriend is really there for her, he could actually prove his love to her, and things might return to normal between them, but he can't just simply agree when she tells him that it's over, he can't just leave her in such a situation, because the only reason she broke up with him is because she wasn't thinking straight, and she was upset and angry, and she felt like she didn't care about anything anymore, but she cares, it's only the sadness speaking.
And you know something, it's not only you who can't do more than just listening, no one else can do anything more for her, even her own parents won't be able to make her feel better. I mean, imagine how her own parents feel, they must be devastated, their pain is much much deeper, and yet there is no one there for them to do anything more than to listen to them, because no one did this or caused this, it's life that did this, and you can't stand in the way of life or get back at life. Just be there for her and listen to her and comfort her, that's the best you can do, and by time, she will get better on her own, and she will move on and she will learn to accept it.
Please feel free to reply back if you'd like to discuss this problem, or make a new post if you'd like to discuss another problem you're going through.
Edited by AlaaAbuali, 26 March 2011 - 09:55 PM.
#3
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Posted 05 April 2011 - 08:45 AM
Life brings many different events in our lives. Me i held my godfathers hand as he passed, i was only 6 at the time, still bring a tear to my eye when i talk about him. I still had my family that supported me and they were there if i wanted to talk about it; still are to this day. All i can say is be there for her and when it deems necessary put a smile on her face. Not saying that even time try to cheer her up, sometimes i good cry is needed too. Most of all your presence is will help her get through it, so just let her know your there and arent going anywhere. Do it indirectly though this way you arent 'nagging'. Just hangout, go for walks, or whatever it is that ya'll did before the event and when she wants to talk about it, listen and let her know your there. Always think positive.
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