The End

[Dots]

I don't know if anyone will remember me. I used to be around here a lot .



It's not really about being remembered - I know this belongs probably in "suicide", but I'm not really ranting about anything - so I figured I could put it under here where maybe somebody will recognize me or something.



*Shrugs*



I just wanted to say - I used to be fairly "popular" here, considered the "happy one", who would "probably live."



I just want to say - I'm not, I'm not "the happy one", and I am "going to die."



I'm not saying that I believe any of you should give up, never give up, keep trying to be happy no matter how hard it is for you - I'm just saying there are people among us who will never be happy [for reasons beyond most human comprehension - if you really want to argue the philosophies of life with me, just leave a message here [I don't feel like being IMed, if you leave your AIM, maybe I'll IM you .



I used to do a lot of the "helping" around here - was on the staff for awhile - the thing nobody noticed is that I only asked for help ONCE - and the reason I started leaving so many comments for others [and trolling the forum] was because the responses I got were so horrible and unhelpful. I was determined to give others' better responses than I have gotten myself - simply put - because I did not want others to feel the way I felt.



...whether you believe me or not [because you do not know me], I did. I still talk to people from TeenHelp. I guess I made a difference and kept at least a few dozen people alive/from hurting themselves BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY... ...liking themselves just a little bit more [and being liked].



...the thing is... ...this mentality has driven me crazy - and at the heart of it all, the problem that I CAME to Teenhelp for remains. ...different people involved - but it's the same problem. I can't really be helped. I've been to 14 therapists of different sorts - and I end up confusing them all [b/c I'm a rather "Deep" Epicurian/Socratic thinker/philosopher - not by choice... ...it's not from reading the books - I essentially came up with all of these theories and realizations on my own, then found out Socrates had said it years before - mostly with religion - and more importantly, a LACK of theories and realizations if you know your Socrates] or just confusing myself.



...and most of what I've done now is out of school. I basically have a horrible mix of minds, I don't take any medications though - I don't want to. ...if any of you are familiar with "the Byronic hero" - then that's me. Essentially a Byronic hero [coming from the Romantic poet Lord Byron] is a type of character [now used in movies and stuff] who is not a pessimist... ...but a disappointed romantic. ...like who sees the world for what it is, realize what he/she can not do or accomplish, and is uncomfortable here. My English teacher taught me about it like 3 days ago - and I could just relate - even if other people don't see me as own - I felt like it fit, personally.



...it's like I'm being asked to eat a plate of food that I don't like at all. ...I'm not going to eat it - just because I don't like it. I'm not going to fling it off of the table, either. I'm just going to excuse myself from the table [kill myself, eventually].



I don't know what my point really is. I guess I just wanted to see if anybody remembers me - and if anyone is super idealistic, let you know that from experience, I know not everyone can be saved.



...and possibly because I'm familiar with this place, though not these people - because I want attention and sympathy, and because I don't know where else to go.

[Wheretogo]

"think u can or think u cant either way ur rite." mother theresa

think bout that think bout how the power of whut u think influences your every day life, and ur feelings

[OverDrive]

Dot's im not sure if you remember me, but I remember you, not much - we never talked, but I do know of you.



I used to feel somewhat the same way, but I want to tell you there IS a way to get over it. It's different for every person, but now I'm extemely happy, with a GF of over 2 years 8 months. Granted I worked hard to get myself in this position, but Coming from suicidal thoughts for over 2 years, and being a clinically manic depressive (who has taken 3 types of anti-depressants), it IS possible to get over it.



If you want to talk, Catch me in the chat, or pm me here. Leave me a message and i'll get back to you if im not at the computer.

[Adnama]

Dots... hey I think I remember you! We never actually talked, but I remember seeing you around. I always thought you were quite the interesting person. I don't really know what to say, things sound pretty horrible for you in some way or another- I think I might have some, though probably small, idea of what you're going though, or at least the essential feelings at the heart of it [though reasoning may differ].



In any event, there has got to be more to it then this you know what I mean? Call me idealistic, but I firmly believe you can always hang on, its just a matter of wanting to.

[Dots]

Mother Teresa is right. ...the thing is - what if the human mind can not possibly feel satisfied... ...or if the person would simply avoid the whole system of "cans" and "cannots" by not existing here in this material world where Mother Teresa's theory applies? How does one escape that material world? Death.



Adam [I think it was???] - Yes, I remember you "Overdrive" - of course I do. I work hard - don't doubt me. You can read my online journal if I IM you for proof - I work just about harder than anybody I've ever seen. You find me on the phone with people in other states just to make somebody happy. You find me trying to fix everybody's problems - and the sick fact - is that I DO. ...the part of me that feels empty - is that nobody has ever gone out of their way enough to help me like I help them. It's not even a question of being paid back. It's apathy. Did you ever hear that story about the girl in New York [I can't recall her name right now] who was raped and stabbed 20some times with 100 people watching - over a series of hours - and nobody helped her or called the police? That's how my life is. You can't justify your statement that it is possible for me personally to get over it - I'm glad that you did - but I know that when you walk through a store - you don't feel ANYTHING for the good footsteps you take - but as soon as you take 1 bad footstep, you notice - and even if you do not feel horrible, there is some kind of negative effect. ...that is a metaphor for life - a bad thing is 1,000x stronger than a good thing - and it will tear you down. I'm joyful that you're happy right now - but you and me both know that there will be times when you look at the universe and feel that the good is not worth the torture. ...or at least I will. There are ways for most people to get over it - but there's a certain extent where you're not fearful of death - you're kind of just... ...I can't really explain it - maybe it's possible for ME to get over it - but maybe it isn't possible, too.



rast, of course. I remember everybody who posted.



Adnama, I don't really WANT to hang on. I'm okay with dying. In fact, I'm trying to find happiness - and it'd make me happy. Call me selfish if you want.



Thanks you guys for your posts. I appreciate them.

Thanks for keeping TeenHelp running.

[BirdMan]

Of course everyone remembers Dots... but do they remember BirdMan?



I think not.



Humbug.

[Flowers For The Dead]

Thats because you only have 4 posts.

[CuteLilChk]

[Dots]

Birdman only has 4 posts since they reset the system.



He was around at the same time as I was.



Somebody probably remembers him.



He had hundreds of posts.



I remember Birdman.

[four]

I remember Dots... and I have a vauge recolection of the name Birdman, nothing more though. Well hello to you two.

[Cindy]

I remember Dots and Birdman.



Dots, I'm very surpriced to see how unhappy you are since i remember how you were. I was very unhappy i know i could never relate to you on the same level, i try not to think that deeply (it gets me in trouble). What i do sugeest is that you see what happends after high school. Also you mind is the strongest thing in your body, if you think you'll be sick, you end up sick. Same this as if you think life will never get better, it just won't get better. But this is just what i've found in a life that seemed never to get better.



I know nothing I say matters since once someone has made up their mind usally theres no changing it. Just remember life can get better if you allow it too.



Cindy (AKA Moongoddess way back when)

[Dots]

I remember four and Cindy, too. I remember all of you. Cindy, I was never happy; I put on a fasade - and I fooled around and acted happy like I do in the real world. I TRY so hard not to think deeply - but I get caught doing it. I cant' stop myself. I'm literally psychotic, kind of. Like who else in the whole world has to worry about "accidentally pulling a Hitler" besides me? I get people to follow me and stuff - but I'm psychotic. It sucks.



So if my mind is the strongest thing in my body - and my mind is telling me to kill myself while my physical instinct is the only thing telling me to survive - you think I should let my mind overpower that? The human mind can be a weapon - yes, I agree that it is strong - but I also believe that it is not sick... ...because we are not filth - we are not rockstars or glory queens either. ...we just are... ...and I don't like who I "just am."



...and I've changed it ever since around the time I first came here [3-4 years ago] - but I don't THINK I'll ever be happy. ...but I don't know - the high school thing I WILL take into consideration.





I'm gonna' link you all to my online journal - it's actually a good read and maybe one or two of you would want to read the whole thing from the beginning if you're bored enough. There are some really dramatic entries in there that made people cry and stuff. My favorite entry is 12/23 tho on my g/f's [KillaSpidaMonki] so feel free to check that out.



My Journal

[BirdMan]

i suppose i should start being more active here...

blah... i remember all of you.

[Abbi]

I'm not trying to "understand" what you're going through, or try to tell you that you're right or wrong, but all I have to say about this is - no matter how hard you think your life may be, there is always someone who has it worse than you.



Thats even on Cindy's siggy, but I've always considered that phrase. It is very true.

[titina]

I know that I can't say that I know how you are feeling, but I would just like to say to you that I can sort of relate. Well probably throughout my whole life I have always been careing for others. But no one except my parents have cared for me. Out of all the people I have helped in my life so far only one has noticed what I do. If I had been here before I might have understood or maybe not. But I just would like to become noticed by all those that I help more then just the person you go to when you need something, either it be homework help to help with emotions even just a shoulder to cry on. Again I will say it I can not say I know how you are feeling exactly but maybe I can relate to you a little. If you want I'm here to talk, but just so you know if you want to talk is all up to you.



You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.

-Michael Jordan