Moving Out

[krisiloulou]

Im 17, will be 18 on July 31st...I want to move out because of stuff going on at home. Ive had a good life and everything but my mom makes me feel bad a lot, she lays the guilt trip on me all the time. I feel like I can never do anything right, and Im always depressed....

My aunt said that I could move in with her and her daughter, I want to so bad because I spend a lot of time with them and I love it there. She said when I turn 18 that I can move out and my mom can't stop me. Is this true? If I decided to live with my aunt when I turn 18 can my mom prevent me from doing so???

My aunt said that if my mom takes my car away that she(my aunt) will but me a new one.

My mom doesnt like my aunt because of stuff in the past. I know my aunt is a good person. Shes changed...and my uncle recently died like 6 weeks ago and he really cared about me, he said i understood him more than anyone else in his family. I help my aunt and my cousin to get through some tough times, I need them and they need me. I was going to move out and get an apartment when I turned 18 anyways, but I would rather live with my aunt.

My mom cant stop me can she?

I cant wait until July...4 months seems like a really long time away..but I have to wait because Im still a minor until then.

Also my mom says she would rather die then let me live with my aunt. Whats that all about? I think she is laying the guilt trip on me again....am i supposed to feel bad about that?!!?! Well I do...what if she hurts herself when I leave or something..then it will be all my fault.

Im just confused. What should I do?!

Thanks.

~Krisi

[RockNpUnKchic123]

well,number one your mother shouldnt be doing that to her own child but as to your kwestion, it depends on your state..you should check your state emancipation laws..in the state of Va at 18 you are legally emancipated,but some states it is 21.But what ever age it is as soon as you are that age your mom cant do anything to stop you.the only thing she could do is cut off any money she had been giving you or as you said take away your car..but im pretty sure she can only take away your car if she paid for it.

[krisiloulou]

Thanks....well I live in FL and where would I go or look to see about the emancipation law?

My mom pays for my car insurance, its in her name, but my aunt told me that if my mom took away my car she would buy me a new one so that i could go stay with her.

My aunt cares a lot about me and im sure my mom does too but my mom makes me feel like shit all the time and she doesnt know how bad i feel.

Even my 12 yr old cousin said everytime that im at her house and i call my mom i end up crying afterwards because my mom lays the guilt trip on me.

:'(

[RockNpUnKchic123]

it wouldnt be your fault.it would be her fault for trying too make you think that...this is that thing everyone talks about where the mama birdie doesnt want the baby birdie to leave the nest..ir something like that.and it isnt selfish to want to move out.What state do you live in?I can look up the age you have to be for you

[krisiloulou]

Hey thanks so much...

Im 17 and I live in Florida. I will be 18 July 31 of this year.

I appreciate you trying to help me...I dont want to hurt my mom by moving but I feel like I dont really deserve to feel like shit all the time you know? And i mean...i guess she expects me to never leave her...my sister is 22 and she moved to Colorado!!! Its not like i would be moving across the country, my aunt lives 30 minutes away and I could visit my mom and call her everyday..but I just feel like I need to leave for awhile.

Thanks so much

[krisiloulou]

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[krisiloulou]

Ok sorry I cant bump my post then. I did however find the webste I needed about the Florida emancipation laws. But maybe you can find something a little more helpful. I think that Florida law states that a person who becomes 18 is no longer considered a minor therefore is naturally emanciapted at the age of 18. Meaning that he/she can decide where they want to live, attend school, etc.

I sure hope this is right because Im planning on moving in with my aunt at least a week after my birthday, I dont want to move right away you know?!

Thanks again for helping me out...

If you have any other info you think would help me please share!

Thanks!

~~Krisi

[krisiloulou]

I've decided to make a "log" of all the times my mom makes me feel guilty about things. I don't know if this will help me in any way but maybe someone can tell me if I'm over exaggerating or if she is really trying to make me feel guilty. I just know that when she does this i feel like crap and i feel like i cant do anything right..and then I get so depressed. When Im at my aunts house im so happy..until my mom calls and makes me feel down again.

Ok starting with the past couple of days, especially when i was at my aunts house. I talked to my mom several times over the phone and these are the things she said to me;



1.) Her car broke down before I left so i left her my car and my car keys so that she could get to and from work and all that. Ok my other aunt lives like 10 minutes away from our house and she could have taken my mom to the car dealership to pick her car up (which she ended up doing afterall)..but this is what my mom said to me on the phone

"You aren't here to help me get my car fixed or anything, whos supposed to take me to pick it up? You aren't here!!!" i told her that my other aunt could, she said whatever and acted all mad and she made me feel guilty about the whole situation..and when i was done talking to her i kind of was upset and about to cry and everyone noticed it.



2.) I had taken my Nextel/cell phone with me to my aunts house but forgot the charger, so the phone went dead...my aunt has a nextel tho and my mom can beep it..my mom beeps my aunts phone all mad and tells me to call her...so i call her on my aunts cell phone cus we were on our way to go shopping. This is what was said;

"How come I couldnt reach you on your phone?" "Mom, I accidently left my charger at home and it went dead.." "Then why the hell am i even paying the bill?"



Then...my mom says how much of a shitty weekend she was having, like its my fault, she says i dont care, and i get upset because she is mad at me for no reason... My aunt sees how im upset AGAIN and says she doesnt know why my mom does that to me, that it makes me feel sooo small and it brings me down so much and that SHE(my aunt) would NEVER do that to me.



3.) I call a day later or so to check on my mom, to see if she had gotten her car from the dealership and everything, she says;

"I would have gotten it anyways even if you were here" I said "I was just calling to ask, to make sure you got it ok and if you had any problems" she says "Well i would have gotten it so it doesnt matter"....i say "Jeeze mom im sorry for calling, i was just making sure...sorry that i was being nice and checking on you" then we say good night and she says i love you...whatever....im upset again

Later that night Im laying on the couch trying to watch tv(still at my aunts house) and my aunt comes out of her room and says "Are you ok?" and i said "I guess so" and she says "I love you kiddo" and gives me the biggest hug....she made me feel so much better about things. I wish my mom could see how much she hurts me and that my aunt isnt a bad person like she thinks she is. And my mom likes to talk about my aunt on the phone when im over there, like asking if shes drunk or whatever and of course everyone can hear her. and like she just is always mad that im at my aunts house so she makes a point to tell me that. I dont care, i love it there!



4.) Ok so me, my aunt, and my cousin Chelsea went to Peace River on Monday (or was it Sunday?) and we were going to ride the air boat and stuff..well we did that and had sooo much fun! I was in the greatest mood ever..and we were headed home to drop the airboat off and then we were gonna go shopping...well i call my mom to say hi because i hadnt talked to her that day..she answers the phone and asks me what we're doing and i told her we are leaving Peace River and we just rode the airboat and stuff..and she says "Whos that mans voice in the background" and it was my aunts friend but i was like "Nobody mom" and then she said "You know, i have been having a bad weekend and you arent here and you dont seem to care"...ya know the usual guilt trip...so then im like mom i gotta go we're in the car and i cant hear u very well..so we hang up and obviously i feel bad that i called her to say hello and she mad eme feel guilty....and my aunt gets pissed because i was in such a great mood until i talked to my mom..and my cousin is like asking me if im ok and everything...ugh it drives me nuts! I was having such an AWESOME time..then in a matter of like 5 minutes, it was ruined.



5.) Ok soooo today... I havent been feeling well. Last night my grandma stayed the night because of the county fair is here and they went to see a steer show and were out late and she didnt want to drive all the way home..

Well this morning i got up and let the dogs out to use the potty and everything..and i was feeling sick to my stomache, felt like i was going to throw up. So i layed on the couch and fell asleep...well my grandma was still here and she woke me up to tell me she was leaving...i said bye, love you.!

Well my mom got home at like 5 from work and she slept for a while, she said shes sick too. She gets up and what happens? I get the guilt trip again. She says "Oh great..looks like your grandma had to clean off the stove, looks like she scrubbed it...GREAT" i said mom i was laying down and fell asleep because ive been sick..she says "Well ive been sick at work because im an ADULT and i had to sit in an office all day being sick, thats what happens when your an adult" and i say "Well ive been sick too and was laying down" and she says "Well you didnt have to go to work..i have to keep going" like it was my fault?? She could have taken a sick day off but NO, she never takes a sick day..but that shouldnt be my fault. THEN she says "Oh i thought you cleaned your bathroom" and i said "I did clean it" and she said "It looks horrible, it looks worse then a public bathroom, i cant believe your grandma had to use it today" and i said "then leave it and i will clean it"..what does she do? She goes and cleans it and then says "Im sick and still have to do it!!" and i had told her that i would! So now im sitting here feeling bad that i didnt clean it good enough!!!



UGH will this ever end? Actually in 4 months it will. Cus im outta here.

Now this is just from today and a couple days ago, im sure there will be more tomorrow. Now tell me, does it sound like any of these things were my fault? I mean yeah i could have cleaned the bathroom a little better but i was sick, and when i offered to clean it she did it and then made me feel guilty about it!!! And yes i could have remember to bring my cell phone charger..that was my fault..but to say what she did..she didnt have to do that! I mean its not like she couldnt get ahold of me my aunt has a phoen too and she had no problems getting a hold of me before!!...jeeze....

Well I will post back either later tonight if she says something more..or tomorrow.

bye.

[cellardoor]

wow that sure does sound like a lot of guilt that she shouldn't put you through. but it is her house and until july you are living under her rules. It might help your relationship with your mom if you spend some time apart. i hope in JUly everything works outhow you want it to

[krisiloulou]

yeah i've been under so much stress. i do agree that i should live by her rules until i am 18. I do feel that we need to spend time apart as well, but where am i supposed to go? She wont let me stay at my aunts house...well im going to when i turn 18 anyway. But for right now she forbids me to go there. I cant really stay anywhere else either.



Ok heres something to add to the "Guilt Log"



Today I called my mom at work to ask her a question (i forget the question) and she answered it and then all of a sudden before we hang up she goes "I'm feeling fine by the way" and im like "Oh...well im feeling better too" and she goes "whatever,bye" and hangs up. What the hell is that all about? We were both sick, she didn't bother asking me how I was either...jeeze I can't stand this...I feel like I cant do anything right anymore...

[Cindy]

Parents are just jerks at times. 18 is the legal age in the US to move out. I know in Michigan its a low as 17. Just move in with your aunt when you turn 18. Life gets a little better after you move out. espect alot of CRAP when you move out, but just ignore it. I recived phone calls everyother night when i first moved out. Annoying as hell. And my mom still likes to fight with me even after I moved out.



Just move out, and really don't worry about your mom. She'll learn that her child is growing up. Expect some huge guilt trips though...

[krisiloulou]

thanks for understanding. yeah my mom doesnt even realize that she makes me feel that bad. when she says stuff to me i feel so small and i feel bad about myself. My aunt treats me sooo good. she never yells or anything, and she always is there to pick me up whenever i feel down.

i love my mom, but i cant live with her forever...

i sure hope things get better when i move out, and i know my mom is going to have a really big fit when i move. shes a single parent so i feel bad leaving her by herself, but shes grown and can handle it. besides my sister who is 22 moved all the way to chicago and obviously didnt feel bad about it. why should i be stuck with all the guilt?

well thanks again for replying, you guys have made me feel a lot better about my decision.

Thanks

[krisiloulou]

Well my aunt said that i can come over whenever i feel like it, I was planning on driving my car out there on Monday since its my cousins spring break and so i am planning on spending the whole week there.

How do i ask my mom? Im afraid she will say no....its not fair!!

I think she MIGHT let me go if i drive my car out there(usually my aunt picks me up) so im gonna tell her that after i get out of class monday that i will drive my car out there....

wish me LUCK!!!

[krisiloulou]

Ok just had a BIG fight with my mom.

My mom said I cant ever go there(to my aunts) again, blahhh blahh blahh the usual. I flat out told her that i was going as soon as im 18. Shes mad and upset. But she doesnt care about my feelings. Im going to the fair tomorrow with my aunt and cousin, and i told my mom flat out that i was going...

And this coming Monday im going to convince my mom to let me go to their house for the week. She says i will never spend the night there again, BULL SHIT. She still seems to think she can stop me when i turn 18...haha

i cant take much mmore of this.

My aunt says to hang in there, 134 days to go. She's already planning on what their new house will look like, she met the architect and shes making a 4 bedroom house so that i will have my own room.

My mom told me that i was gonna keep on making her mad and shes just going to kick me out. My aunt said her door is always open. Its good to know that I would have somewhere to go.



How can i convince my mom to let me stay there for spring break? I would drive my car out there...

Ok well gotta go my mom is coming in here

[krisiloulou]

OK so I went to the fair today, walked around with my mom...didnt really have that much fun but it wasnt totally boring. Called my aunt, she said she wasnt feeling well so they werent going to go to the fair i said ok

ok well that was wayyy earlier today

i talked to my cousin like around 6pm and she said the same thing that her mom wasnt feeling well that she had a cold. Sooo like a couple hours ago, about 8pm, i get a beep on my Nextel from my aunt..she says she ran into my mom and other aunts at the fair and that they didnt really say anything to her

i thought that sounded a lil strange since she was sick

but then she told me that she had to go there because her brother was there and his car broke down, and then she just decided to walk into the pig arena to see if my mom was there cus they were auctioning off pigs...

she walked in there and saw my mom and my other aunt, and my other cousin. She told me that she said hi and that they didnt really say anything to her...

But then I called my mom and asked her about it and my mom said that they DID speak to her. She said that she came over there and stood in front of them and asked if the kids had pigs this year, and they said no that they had steers. And then my other cousin asked where he daughter was and she said she was staying the night at a friends house. And then supposedly my aunt said she was going to buy a pig then walked away....

BUT my aunt told me that they didnt even really talk to her...

Who am i supposed to believe???

My aunt beeped me and said that I shouldnt listen to anything that they say, that they just want me to think that she doesnt love me..and she said that no matter what she will always love me.. and i said i loved her too and shes like "No i love you more" and i said that back lol...

anyways i am soooo CONFUSED. I dont know who to believe anymore. My mom said she looked and sounded drunk..but i think she was just tired because she doesnt sleep...and she doesnt eat. She informed me that she has went from a size 13 to a size 5 since January 30 of this year...thats when my uncle(her husband) died...So she has lost probably between 30-40 pounds in like 2 months. Im really worried about her. She doesnt sleep hardly and if she does its only a couple hours at a time. The last time she ate anything was LAST saturday...she walks aruond the house a lot because she can't sit still and she says that she is looking for my uncle. I know that is not healthy but i dont know what to do. I feel like i should just let her grieve because she has to get through it at some point.

And none of this has changed my feelings towards wanting to live with them. My mom is trying her hardest to convince me. For some reason she is really worried that if I move there thay my life will be ruined. She says my aunt does drugs all the time, which i KNOW is not true. She used to do them but my uncle helped her quit and I found out that the only thing she smokes is pot..but lets face it there are so many people in this world that smoke pot, and one day they will make it legal. It's just like a relaxer..and it doesnt effect her its not like she goes off in a fit of rage or anything and she doesnt hit anyone...i mean come on...liqour is more dangerous then pot.

She says that shes crazy...i dont know where she gets that from. I dont think shes crazy at all.

She says she brags too much about the money she got from my uncle when he died. I do admit that she talks about it, but i would talk about it too if i had it. She doesnt just care about the money. She has said to so many people that she would give it ALL back just to have her husband back. And im VERY proud that my uncle left them enough money so that they would never have to worry about anything.

But back to my point...it's not like that i would become a bum if i moved there. Theres a community college in the same town, like maybe 15 minutes away...I can get a job if I have to...I am NOT the kind of person who takes shit from anyone, so believe me, my aunt never dishes out shit because she cares about me too much.

Im just confused as to what i should do. Im worried that she is going to become sick from not eating and not sleeping. Im worred that my mom might have a heart attack when I move out. I'm just confused about EVERYTHING. My grandma said that maybe it will all blow over. maybe it will, maybe my mom will get over it. I doubt it seriously tho because she gets upset over the littlest things and she over reacts about everything. and she doesnt forget anything, she always holds a grudge against people. Im tired of it..why cant my family get along???

I dont know what to do!! HELP!

[krisiloulou]

Yeah..so...today my gram came in from Arcadia and we went bumming around as I like to call it...we went to Big Lots, the most dreadful place ever. And WalMart- second on my dreaded list.

I wrote my mom a 6 page letter and gave it to her this morning. Lets just say that she has only said a total of 5 words to me today.

The letter was mainly to tell her how she made me feel sometimes, and that Aunt Valerie is not the bad person she thinks she is. And I told her about the emancipation law....I told her that when I turn 18 I have the right to live where I want, with who I want, I have the right to choose what school I go to, and where I want to work. And that she can't stop me, but I would like for her to support me. She cried, even though I told her that my intention was not to upset her. The first thing I said in the letter was that I loved her and that I cared about her, and if she thought otherwise then that really hurt me. I explained to her how she layed the guilt trip on me all the time and that I wasnt the only one that saw it.

I explained how its not fair to keep me away from my aunt and cousin, and that I would like to go whenever i wanted to. I also told her that I would be spending a lot of time with them over the summer. I also told her that theres a school there in Arcadia that I would like to go to and if i lived with my aunt it would be easier......I just hope I havent damaged her for life. I DO love my mom and i DO care about her. Its not that I hate living with her, I just need to spend time away for awhile. Do you think I did the wrong thing? Do you think Im a bad daughter for moving away????

If you have any advice I would love to hear it..

thanx.

bye..