Making A Scene For My Death?

[Love2Laugh08]

Okay this is a weird question, I think! I remember when I was in 5th grade I would think of dying with people around, I would sit there and think of my death? For instance one of my first ones were that i was at school eating lunch and a person comes inside nd shots my in the head and I instantly die, then afterward everyone feels so bad for me. Well that was in 5th grade now im on 8th and between the 3 years I havnt had them but since the beginging of 2004 I been thinking about it a lot ( you could say more then usual ) I think of myself drowning, killing myself, getting in car accidents, or murdered? But the thing is after I die people feel so bad for me and I always think see what you did to me? Then I think " yea that boy I liked would feel so bad, my family would wish they were nice to me * I dont know if I exaggerate but I sometimes feel they hate me* I dunno do I have a problem?? I dont want to die but I would love to see them in pain for the things they have put me through? make any sense?? PLEASE leave any kinda comments thanks a lot

[5a5]

it kinda makes sense to me, i think u just want people to notice u and to feel bad for u, and no offence but that's pretty selfish, what could ur family possibly done that was so terrible that u would want to see them in so much pain? i think i had thoughts like u a couple of times but i know i would never want to see the people closest to me hurt even though my family is not perfect by any means and we're not even that close

[Love2Laugh08]

They havn't really done anything I think Im a usual teen who thinks my family hates me, although at times I stand 100% to my idea. And another thing is that I think is well a month later they will forget about my death * no more morning * so I can come back then? Maybe its just I want to see if they really love me and I think you are right about being selfish. But I wish they made me feel more welcome!

[SirPostAlot]

Well my friend was out of school for several months for anxiety attacks, she always thought of dealth...



Perhaps you have this...



Just don't try suicide to see if people actually miss you, because you won't be able to see the results (you will be deceased)...



I think you should go talk to someone about your anxiety attacks (thinking of death)...



~Jeff~

[Boxgod]

thats so crazy, i used to think about that all the time, i would think of blowing my brains our in front of everyone....its just a cry for attention, find a way to standout express yourself....

[Michie]

It's partially a cry for attention...It sounds like, in ur 'dreams' or whatever u may call them now (visions?), you want someone to notice your pain and help you out of it.



I know how ya feel. I was never suicidal (never had the guts), but two years ago, whenever I was really stressed, and felt unloved, I would hit myself. Sometimes I'd do it and let the pain show. My parents could hear me screaming and slapping my legs...I really wanted them to pay attention to me, to see that I really had problems here. That I wanted help.



I still ache to do those things now, because I still feel like so many ppl don't understand me, especially the ones who are closest to my life . But the thing is, they've seen me through my tough times, now, and it hurts them to see what I'm doing to myself (I'm not graduating with the rest of my class for example). But I know my family does care for me now. I think that because they've stuck by me all this time, given me some slack, felt pained and hurt by me...especially my mom.



Sorry I vented. I tend to do that a lot. The dreams u had as a kid probably expressed ur subconscious feelings of being left out, of been given little attention during ur life, or if not, too much bad attention. And now that life is tougher as a teenager, you feel it happening again......



Those were my thoughts

[Love2Laugh08]

okay well thank you for the comments, but I dont think Im trying to get attention because I get a lot of attention! I very hyper and always talking and my mom and family always are getting annoyed with my cause Im the center on attention. At school I talk a lot but I think I dont talk to a lot of people! I mean the whole day I hang out with my best friend? I talk to other people but not like close friends like kinda friends but more then acuantense <<------ I dont know how to spell it but you know? anyways Anxiety attacks?? Whoa How can I have that? I mean im really calm when I think of it? But I do think I want more attention! I think its because I think my family doesnt care so much so I want them to notice me???!! omg I keep saying different things!! But this is how I feel please Comment!!

[Love2Laugh08]

YOUR TELLING ME TO RELAX!? Omg your saying I have a problem, What it the exact definition of anxiety attack? I thouhgt an anxiety take is when u breath really hard and are worried!!! Im calm when I think of the deaths!! Now I have to see my school councler tomrrow Im rly worried!

[messedup]

I think it'll do you some good to talk to your school counselor.

[Love2Laugh08]

this is going to be so embarresing!I dont even think I have a problem!! What do I say to her?! I havnt even told my friends and wont be able to! Ugh... Whats so wrong about what I do?!~

[jess_617]

i really dont think anything is wrong with you. Ive thought about it before. Mostly because I wonder if anyone would miss me if Im gone. Just dont let it get in the way of your life or EVER think about actually doing any of those things. I really dont think you need to talk to your counselor but if you feel it neccessary...



Love,

~Jessi~

[Love2Laugh08]

Hey well I didnt go to the councler today because I truly dont think I have a problem, I tried talking to my best friend about it but she wasnt in a serious mood so I knew she wouldnt take me serious so I guess I'll see if it happens again then I see but for now wish me luck!

[Iya]

You just want attention. Don't take that in a bad way though, everyone wants attention. You feel like some people have done you an injustice, so you want to die in a horrible way so that they essentially "get what they deserve" by feeling this tremendous amount of guilt (at least, you hope they will).