Alone And Uncomfortable

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SakuraGrl
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Alone And Uncomfortable

Post by SakuraGrl »

*notice*- very sorry for venting ^^;; ...and sorry this turned out to be long.

I just finished my first week of college and well, I feel more alone than ever. Usually I am always alone- eating lunch, in class, etc.



Even though its my first week here and its probably normal to have these feelings, I can't help it. I see everyone else with a group of friends and I feel so out of the loop. When I first got to college I could barely even talk. I went mute. My shyness hit an all extreme level I've never even seen. I spent my first 4 nights at college crying myself to sleep. The atmosphere, the people, everything still makes me uncomfortable. I have no one to talk to in college, only myself. When I use to be at home, I at least could tell my mother whatever problems I had and cry them out or just talk about them but at college there isn't anyone. I'm not looking for an answer to my problems but someone to hear me out and sincerely listen. And with no one like that here, all my emotions start to build up inside. I start to think a lot and get depressed which can then turn into a huge cycle and maybe tranform into something much worse and I don't want that to happen again. Although I have found some friends, I can't tell them anything, I can't go to them- I just met them. And all my other friends outside of college are loving their college experience and I do not want to bring them down.



Like I said before, I did make some friends however they are not the "right" ones. They're very nice and funny but we don't connect and they don't understand me (like when I try to open up or tell a joke or a funny story for example). I'm not saying "Oh I'm too good for you" or anything like that- no way. They all knew each other before coming to my college (they randomly met seperately, never in the same h.s.) and I do feel singled out. For the moment I am sticking with them though. I could be underestimating them . But I doubt I can find friends I can become close to here. I have met a lot of people (in classes) but people you rarely see on campus. I keep having hope that I'll find friends I can become close with in time but slowly all my hope of adjusting to college and becoming comfortable here is disappearing....



Classes are overwhelming, I'm use to (and more comfortable with) small classes (20-30 ppl, maybe 40) but my classes are full of 100-300 ppl. I chose my college because it was a good college, not based on the class size (although maybe I should have O_o cause the many students in one class worries me). One of my classes is a mandatory discussion class in my college called Perspectives and well, I suck at speaking up especially at issues like the enviroment and agriculture which I could care less about (thats what our class discusses). I had a similiar class back in h.s. and I didn't do too well =(. I have a precalc class which I thought would be simple or at least understandable, but the teacher makes everything much more difficult to understand (*cough*badteacher*cough*). My writing class is pretty intimidating (even the teacher said the same). The only class I find at least decent is chemistry. Basically, I am lost in all my classes and at college I can't even concentrate (or motivate myself) on any of my hw cause I feel so depressed and uncomfy. Even in the library..



I force myself to stay in the dorms and adjust but its making things worse. I don't want to change colleges or anything. I don't want to go home because what was the use of dorming? I might sound like any stupid college freshman, but is there anything I can do to stop this? I don't want to cry anymore..


I assure myself everything is ok!

But who am I fooling?

Then I burst into a spirit of rage.

I have questions, and there are answers.

But I'm afraid and much too weak,

When I try to explain,

I hear I'm hearing wrong and need to be meek.

But this is how I feel, there's no wrong or right,

But as I battle with myself, I always lose the fight
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courty
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Re: Alone And Uncomfortable

Post by courty »

Its sounds like your having a very difficult time. Do you have a room mate? if you do you could try to connect with her. I know its hard to feel so alone in a place so unfamiliar. Are there any activities that you are interested in that you could join? That is a great way to meet people you have something in common with. You also have to remember that most of the people out there are just as nervous as you so its hard. Also starting off new friendships takes time. You can't expect to be able to tell new people everything. You have to let new friendships grow. Try to keep in touch with your old friends while you gradually try to make new friends. I'm sure that there having some hard times to. It is hard to adjust being away from home. I'm sure you could call your mom to talk to. I'm going away to school tomorrow and I am worried about the same things. Hang in there. Hopefully things will get better. Good luck!
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SakuraGrl
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Re: Alone And Uncomfortable

Post by SakuraGrl »



I assure myself everything is ok!

But who am I fooling?

Then I burst into a spirit of rage.

I have questions, and there are answers.

But I'm afraid and much too weak,

When I try to explain,

I hear I'm hearing wrong and need to be meek.

But this is how I feel, there's no wrong or right,

But as I battle with myself, I always lose the fight
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Doug
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Re: Alone And Uncomfortable

Post by Doug »

Heh, you sound kind of like me. Well, you're not the only one that feels the way you do. As a matter of fact, there are a lot of freshmen who feel exactly the same as you, especially in the first week. But, you will find people that you can relate to and that can be real friends. I was so lonely my first couple of days on campus. Then suddenly, after a wing meeting that we had, a guy pulled out a set of poker chips. I'm an avid poker player, so we hit it off right away. Then, I met his friends (they were all friends in HS and go to this college) and we hung out. Next thing I knew, we spent half the weekend 200 miles south of campus partying. Things happen real fast and you will find people eventually, it just takes time. Leave your door open when you're in your room and people may look in, see you sitting there, and invite you to do something. Just keep doing what you're doing, stay involved, and you'll find someone.



But, you probably won't find a friend right away who you can open up to right away. Developing a friendship like that takes time, it doesn't just happen overnight. Work on casual friendships first, then find one or two people you can have a deep friendship with. Maybe try joining a sorority (one that doesn't drink, of course ;)). If you need anything else, feel free to IM me.



Doug
"Yeah, I'm a great lesbian. Are you a good lesbian, Doug?" - Jenna
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