A Bit About Me

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cubangi4l
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Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2005 9:45 pm
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A Bit About Me

Post by cubangi4l »

This is my journal entry. I hate explaining my past. But i have been battling depression for 6 years and cutting. It's been six months though i madea small on in mid august. I go to therapy and am using this as another outlet. If you want toknwo mroe hit me up on AIM or PM me.



Yes, I am stressed about school. Stressed about tests, failure, the outcome. What if I don't make it?what if I fail again, I can try harder. but trying harder leads me to become obsessed with not failing.



I have math homework that i need to do but I don't understand a lick of it and have no one to help me. I should have woke up when my roomate jessica woke me up and driven her to UNF. I could have gone to the turtoring center. But no, i took one to many sleep pills and was nauseous and dizzy. Why did I take those pills cus it was 3 am and I was still wide awake and part of me wanted to escape at that moment. A few extra pops of pills is less painful then cutting.

Of course that is still always an issue. I have been having this strong urge to cut. Its due to stress and i try to congqure it becuase this fear of failure is strong.

I am also having body issues again. I think my arms are too fat(they are mostly muscle but theyare not toned). my thighs I still hate. I try to work out I try to balance school with work.

I try and Still i feel lazy and thus i become more lazy which is why i aven't started on my math homework and I havean exam tomorrow its one question.. big deal right? wrong, that one question can make me pass or fail. Its not like I can illiminate. " oh i think i got this one wrong big deal thats just one wrong i still have an A" Nope its pass or fail. So i am stressed. and I am stressed becuase I procrastinated to long on my the homework beucase i thought that if I did it today it help me tomorrow. the proffessor also is goingover some problems before the exam so that should help.



Trying to look at the bright side of things and optimism sometimes makes me gag cus life ain't ful of sugary sweets.

Sometimes i jsut don't know what to do becuase working out doesn't relieve my self of this tension and I want to go back to cutting and I amtrying so hard not too
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Lena
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Joined: Thu Mar 11, 2004 12:03 pm

Re: A Bit About Me

Post by Lena »

Welcome. :)



This site is wonderful for helping in all sorts of ways - just ask for help in the right forum for your needs, and you should get the support you need. :)



Take care,



Lena.
Woman can not live on tea or chocolate alone.... but she can give it a damn good try.
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