Gal Pals

[ceh]

Hi There, I'm new to this forum, but I joined hoping that I could get some helpful insight for my teenage son from both you guys and girls out there. I don't seem to have the right answers--or the ones he wants to hear. He's been in a depression for the last year because of this girl, and that's why I'm so concerned. This girl hangs out with my son's group of friends--all guys. She has no girl friends. When she hangs out with them, she flirts with them all. The other guys in the group have had real girlfriends, off and on, and they don't take this girl seriously. But my son is shy. He's never had a girlfriend. And so he's swept away by this girl whenever she gives him any attention. He's let her know how he feels about her, but she doesn't want to get serious. It's an awkward situation. He resents the attention she gives his friends. And worst of all, he thinks there must be something wrong with himself because she's rejected him as a "boyfriend". I tell him to find another girl. But he says the girls don't notice him. So I think he's only falling for this girl because she's "convenient". Have any of you been in this situation?

[Cindy]

Well first of all, thank you for being so concerned about your son to ask for help. I wish more parents did.



What your son is going through is normal. I know, I was a heart breaker to a lot of guys in middle school/high school and I didn't even know it. Sometimes I run into siblings of the kids I went to school with and find out that a guy I thought of as only a friend had the biggest crush on me that I never knew about.



If he is crushing on this girl that bad, nothing that you can say will make him feel better. Encourage him to do things outside this group of friends. I didn't even have my first boyfriend until my Jr. year in high school (I was 15 turning 16) and ended up being with the guy for almost a total of 8 years (the last year being an off and on relationship). It wasn't until I actually had my first boyfriend did guys start showing me any attention (the whole you want what you can't have thing), before him, no guy gave me the time of day. I was good enough to flirt with, but nothing beyond that. It hurt, but somehow I made it though it (sometimes I don't even know how)



Encourage your son to do things outside of his group of friends, and just be that little bird on his shoulder that tells him that he is a good guy. Parents forget how much it means to their children when they encourage them and tell them that they are doing a good job. I know that the most hurtful thing for me as a very shy, quiet, depressed teen/young adult was my father's negative remarks about my look and about my intelligence, and my parents lack of support when I needed them for things such as after school classes and after school clubs (Like Debate class and Marching band).



I hope someone else can add more to this. Good luck, and your son is very lucky to have a caring mother like yourself.

[ceh]

[quote name='Cindy' date='01 November 2009 - 05:28 PM' timestamp='1257114503' post='458762']

Well first of all, thank you for being so concerned about your son to ask for help. I wish more parents did.



What your son is going through is normal. I know, I was a heart breaker to a lot of guys in middle school/high school and I didn't even know it. Sometimes I run into siblings of the kids I went to school with and find out that a guy I thought of as only a friend had the biggest crush on me that I never knew about.



If he is crushing on this girl that bad, nothing that you can say will make him feel better. Encourage him to do things outside this group of friends. I didn't even have my first boyfriend until my Jr. year in high school (I was 15 turning 16) and ended up being with the guy for almost a total of 8 years (the last year being an off and on relationship). It wasn't until I actually had my first boyfriend did guys start showing me any attention (the whole you want what you can't have thing), before him, no guy gave me the time of day. I was good enough to flirt with, but nothing beyond that. It hurt, but somehow I made it though it (sometimes I don't even know how)



Encourage your son to do things outside of his group of friends, and just be that little bird on his shoulder that tells him that he is a good guy. Parents forget how much it means to their children when they encourage them and tell them that they are doing a good job. I know that the most hurtful thing for me as a very shy, quiet, depressed teen/young adult was my father's negative remarks about my look and about my intelligence, and my parents lack of support when I needed them for things such as after school classes and after school clubs (Like Debate class and Marching band).



I hope someone else can add more to this. Good luck, and your son is very lucky to have a caring mother like yourself.

[/quote]

[ceh]

Thanks for the advice and encouragement, Cindy. You are so right about the opposite sex not noticing you until you get hooked up with someone. Then all of a sudden you become the "flavor of the month", and everyone's wondering what that person sees in you that they must have missed. It's too bad we rely on other people's judgment of who's hot and who's not rather than making our own.