Leaving School

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Gandalf
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Leaving School

Post by Gandalf » Fri May 23, 2003 4:45 pm

I'm mainly trying to reorganise my thoughts and get some kind of clarity here. You don't have to read all of it, I don't even expect any help if you haven't the time. I don't normally post for myself on Teenhelp; I usually just try and help out elsewhere. Thanks in advance for any posts.



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I've just left school today and I'm not feeling too good about it. I've been at my school for 8years now and just leaving all of a sudden has been a real shock. I didn't think it would be too bad because I had already prepared myself a little bit.



A huge big part of my life has ended forever and it is never ever coming back again, there is just a big empty space where it used to be. At the end of my first year in the sixth form (6th-7th years in secondary school) I had to retake a year because I didn't do very well. I had to get to know a whole new group of people because my own year had already left school. This wasn't easy but now it?s even worse, I don?t know what to think. The people I knew have already gone to university and the people I?ve known for 2years now are gone too.



Today was the last day as I've said. The problem was that I didn't even get to leave properly. I just finished a 2day art exam for the last two days of school so I wasn't even allowed to casually leave or say goodbye to the place or people. It was completely hectic and I was so busy I didn't even know the last week was here before it was gone. I don't even remember much about it, what did happen this week I ask myself.



I do have the sixth form ball on my side however. There is a chance to see everyone again, and my closest friends I will undoubtedly see a few more times before they disappear away for good.



It was inevitable really. I had to leave sometime and maybe it was better this way. At least now I can ready myself for everything, being a year older does have its advantages. I am going to university in September so my life will turn upside down again then. I won?t even be at home so it will be so much more difficult. There will be an unfamiliar place, unfamiliar people and new routine. I do fear being alone there as though I will never know anyone and when I go in at night I will have no one at all and no feeling of home. This is probably pretty irrational though and I could be fine.



My life is about to be taken apart and put back together again, I don't know how to react except to be strong about it and just to see what happens. I fear the future which has not yet been written. I think I need the stability in life I always have at the moment. Usually it?s going to school, coming home, a weekend here and there and occasional holiday. When its there you tend to dislike it. Having to get up in the morning and get on a school bus seems like a chore but its not until it?s gone that you miss it. This whole situation seems so uncertain at the moment.



I finished art today for good. I will never have another lesson again or in any subject. I won't be able to sit in any of those clossrooms or just repeat the same old routined day we always have. I always wanted the work to be over though. I kind of wished school away and now that it is, I want it back again. I feel like I want the schoolwork to not be there, but the usually things to still carry on. Because school is like a big social place as well, I don't have anwhere else I meet that many people I'm friends with.



I'm about to be put at the bottom of the pile again. It happens at primary school, then at secondary school and again now. I'm only just getting my self-esteem back and being unfamiliar with everything isn't going to help much. I know that it will get better. I know I felt this feeling before when moving school, it will only be comparable to what I am about to go through. Everyone else goes through the same thing in my situation so I think it?s only likely they will feel the same. Don't get me wrong I am excited about leaving, or at least I am periodically. At least I?m going to study something which I enjoy and maybe even that I?m good at.



I know other people have much worse problems here and I know this is minor compared to what some people go through. I just wanted to post about what is going on at the moment, mainly for me to look over, I?ve cleared up some thoughts just by writing them down. I know this is pretty lengthy but there are a great many things on my mind at the moment.
"The happiest people are those that are too busy to realise whether they are or not."

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Hara-Kiri
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Re: Leaving School

Post by Hara-Kiri » Fri May 23, 2003 5:20 pm

*listens quietly*

Go, Gandalf, go!! :D
To feel the wind tearing at my clothes, the elements.

The only truth left in a world of lies and hypocrisy.

The beauty of the abyss.

The anticipation, like anticipating the greatest sex, an existential foreplay.

Looking down into oblivion and voidness.

The ground far, far away as it seems from here, but in reality only a couple of seconds away.

Standing there.

Feeling eternity in a restricted world.

Feeling a decision in a prefabricated existence.

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Gandalf
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Re: Leaving School

Post by Gandalf » Sat May 24, 2003 6:41 am

I don't know what to say to that.
"The happiest people are those that are too busy to realise whether they are or not."

Enlightenment is the one and only answer to happiness

It will take a lifetime to realise who you are, just trying to be yourself is a much more obtainable goal

Read And Follow The Support Group Rules

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Evan
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Re: Leaving School

Post by Evan » Sat May 24, 2003 6:57 am

Originally posted by Hara-Kiri@May 23 2003, 09:20 PM

*listens quietly*

Go, Gandalf, go!! :D




um just trying to get your post count up kiddo?



well anyway to the topic: im sorry you have to make your decisions and everything rite now, i know this has to be a hard time in your life rite now so you have to keep strong........ and dont worry its only a years diffrence,

and dont ever fell ashamed to ask for help here just becouse your a mod doesent mean you cant ask for help. however i hope some poeple can be more helpfull than i have been to you. ;)



Thanks,

Evan
my 2 cents.....

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Hara-Kiri
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Re: Leaving School

Post by Hara-Kiri » Sat May 24, 2003 11:33 am

No, Evan. I just wanted to reply to Gandalf. Altho, he doesnt know who i am and never will cause my identity will remain as a secret to everyone.

Thanks for making my reply feel so not worthy. And just so you know, the number of post doesnt really matter, what matter is the intention, right?

Go, Gandalf, Go. :D

No hard feelings, Evan :)



P.S: Please, Pleeeease.. Dont call me "Kiddo".
To feel the wind tearing at my clothes, the elements.

The only truth left in a world of lies and hypocrisy.

The beauty of the abyss.

The anticipation, like anticipating the greatest sex, an existential foreplay.

Looking down into oblivion and voidness.

The ground far, far away as it seems from here, but in reality only a couple of seconds away.

Standing there.

Feeling eternity in a restricted world.

Feeling a decision in a prefabricated existence.

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Sliver
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Re: Leaving School

Post by Sliver » Sat May 24, 2003 11:43 am

good luck Gandalf, u shud know who this is :P think chat if u cant remember.... :P hope u get evrything sorted out....:P





I know who u r Hara-Kiri :P but im gona keep ur secret :P :D





Sliver :dj:
Sliver, A.K.A Tom/Tommy/Tommy Boy (thanks to Lisa and sweethelp)



Moderated with Sweethelp in Bullying forum from Oct 6 2003 to 2006 sometime.



Moderated in the Self Expression Forum and Computer forum mainly, along with the rest of the lounge, until December 2006.



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Hara-Kiri
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Re: Leaving School

Post by Hara-Kiri » Sat May 24, 2003 11:47 am

Thank You Sliver.

I am a Nobody, tho.
To feel the wind tearing at my clothes, the elements.

The only truth left in a world of lies and hypocrisy.

The beauty of the abyss.

The anticipation, like anticipating the greatest sex, an existential foreplay.

Looking down into oblivion and voidness.

The ground far, far away as it seems from here, but in reality only a couple of seconds away.

Standing there.

Feeling eternity in a restricted world.

Feeling a decision in a prefabricated existence.

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Emily
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Re: Leaving School

Post by Emily » Sat May 24, 2003 4:18 pm

I don't think you're the only one who's ever thought this way.



And it probably helps just getting thing out.



Good luck to you



(I'm sorry I don't really know what else to say)
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As to what I meant to you

But you made an impression

And sometimes I still feel the bruise

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Re: Leaving School

Post by Hara-Kiri » Sun May 25, 2003 12:57 pm

Woah, woah, woah, woah!!! I'm the only one allowed to call hara-kiri kiddo!!!




Yes, you're right, missy. B)



Awww... how sweet, this is my #100 post. :rolleyes:



*happy birthday to me...* (off topic.. i know, sorry) :P :D
To feel the wind tearing at my clothes, the elements.

The only truth left in a world of lies and hypocrisy.

The beauty of the abyss.

The anticipation, like anticipating the greatest sex, an existential foreplay.

Looking down into oblivion and voidness.

The ground far, far away as it seems from here, but in reality only a couple of seconds away.

Standing there.

Feeling eternity in a restricted world.

Feeling a decision in a prefabricated existence.

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Breathe_In_For_Luck7
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Re: Leaving School

Post by Breathe_In_For_Luck7 » Sun May 25, 2003 1:56 pm

Originally posted by Hara-Kiri@May 24 2003, 10:33 AM





P.S: Please, Pleeeease.. Dont call me "Kiddo".




Ha!!!!! now you know how it feels to be called kiddo!!!! mmmm...

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Re: Leaving School

Post by junglemonkey » Sun May 25, 2003 2:03 pm

Gandalf, I have the exact same problem except I'm dreading for differerent reasons than you are.



University, for me, probably means moving country and going out to live myself down south in England in a big city. It's taken me fifteen years to get to know where I stay, and I love it here, and I would never want to move. But it has to be done. I find it extremely hard to make friends and do things for myself, but in the end we just have to face it, and in the end, we all get through it.



Recently, I have been trying to put the brakes on this year ending too, but I can't. Really. There is nothing you can do so you might as well go with it rather than swim against the tide. This is your future you are walking into right now... Isn't that exciting? Don't you want to take a good shot at it rather than clinging onto the past? Everything will turn out fine and I wish you the best of luck :)
I traded my dreams for this mess of memories

And they just stopped working for me...



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Gandalf
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Re: Leaving School

Post by Gandalf » Sun May 25, 2003 5:00 pm

Can the rest of you stop going off topic. It is great to hear from someone else in the same position but many of you others (not all) are just messing around.
"The happiest people are those that are too busy to realise whether they are or not."

Enlightenment is the one and only answer to happiness

It will take a lifetime to realise who you are, just trying to be yourself is a much more obtainable goal

Read And Follow The Support Group Rules

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Re: Leaving School

Post by Havoc78 » Sun May 25, 2003 9:20 pm

gan all i can say man is you made a mistake ive did the exact same thing EXACT and i was feeling like crap this fall im going back supposed to re enroll tuesday or wensday of this week so i feel for you and it dosent get better it gets worse
She will never know that im the best she'll never have.-BOWLING FOR SOUP



do you really wanna be like them. do you really wanna be another trend. do you wanna be a part of the crowd.

cause i dont ever wanna be you dont ever wanna be just like you-Good Charlotte

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Re: Leaving School

Post by Dino » Mon May 26, 2003 4:59 am

i'M in the same situation...

Today's my last day (tomorrow's 1/2 day with awards assembly... so that doesnt really count...) and I'll be going to the UK for GCSE... In a way I'm like you... away from my family and going and starting again. It is sad... But all of us have to move on one time or another... I dont know if I'll cry tomorrow... I know some ppl will cry and them some1 will have to come over to comfort them.

What I think is... When you start over, you got the chance to really start from 0. No one knows you... You build your reputation and everything from the start. No one knows anything about you... basically thats kinda cool... Its not like you're going to change to another person... but its a new start, with no bad memories...

I dont know...



COURAGE!! FACE THE WORLD!! DONT LET OLD MEMORIES HOLD YOU BACK FROM TRYING SOMETHING NEW!!



memories will always be there, but we're always living for the present.
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Re: Leaving School

Post by Gandalf » Mon May 26, 2003 8:35 am

Havoc, I know it will get better because it has before. This problem i'm facing from time to time is only short-term. It is because there is uncertainty and because i'm between levels in life. I'm between school and university and the integrity of life has been momentarily lost. Once the order has been restored I will feel a lot better and happier. Once new friends have been made and i've got a new routine all doubt will be removed. I'm excited about what life is about to bring. What I'm about to has never been done by me before. I'm going to study something I enjoy instead of being restircted in choice in the lower years.



What Dino has said is right. I forgot to put that point in my previous post but I've thought about starting from scratch a lot over the past couple of years. In many ways it used to be more of a concern and before there were lots of things I regreted. Now there aren't as many regretful things on my mind or at least they don't affect me. Starting again isn't a time to bury my mistakes away but it does have it's benefits which will help.



We have to move on unless we'll never become greater than we were before. I'm not that bothered about leaving now. This topic is pretty irrelivent from a help point of view, but it's interesting discussing this topic.



I'm having to hold everyone else up here as well!
"The happiest people are those that are too busy to realise whether they are or not."

Enlightenment is the one and only answer to happiness

It will take a lifetime to realise who you are, just trying to be yourself is a much more obtainable goal

Read And Follow The Support Group Rules

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