Woman Wants To Un-adopt Her 15 Year Old Son

[CanadaCraig]

Hi Everyone!!



I hope you're OK.



A woman wants to UN-adopt her 15 year old son.



Before reading the story...



What's your first reaction?!



Now....



READ the story - by clicking on THIS!!



Did your opinion change?!



Does she have a 'right' to UN-adopt?!



GREAT BIG HUG

Craig!!



PS A sad situation - no matter how you look at it.

[Barbies are Evil]

Well my first reaction before reading the story was that I wanted to kick her ass, but after reading it, I'm not sure.......I mean I understand her needing to keep her other children and grandchildren away from harm, yet I feel for the boy.......like it might not be his fault he's so messed up.....his actions are his fault yes, but if he's crazy and bipolar, that's not his fault.....I think he needs help, and to take the consequences of his actions. and i think i've typed in a circle now, so i'm done.........lol.

[Jaegermeister]

My first reaction before readinthe story was.... why do you want us to make a decision based on absolutely no information, and I decided that yes I think you can unadopt if the situation becomes unhealthy. What if she, in a moment of clarity, realized she was becoming an alcoholic and voluntarily wanted to remove the child from her as to not injure or hurt the child? What if the child is becoming increasingly dangerous? And pretty much the story confirmed what I had thought, that you wouldn't unadopt a child capriciously, and in this situation I fully support the woman's desire to unadopt this kid.

[Kit]

The child needed help and she gave up on him. Simple as that. Once she adopted that child - he became HERS. Just like her biological kids. Awards or not - she gave up on her child...who's to say she wont give up on the rest of them.



My opinion.

[InnocenceLost57]

If she has other children in the house, and he's a danger to them....remove him from the situation.



Honestly, I have no patience whatsoever for sexual predators.



I'm not saying she should give up on him, but maybe put him in a psych ward or rehab facility for a few months ot maybe even years until he's straightened himself up? Which, granted, might not be the best way to go. But honestly, I wouldn't want my grandchildren in a house with a boy I barely know who is an honest danger to them - sexual abuse or molestation can have SERIOUS affects.



So I wouldn't dump him altogether, but let him know that I care enough to try and help him. Just not where he would pose a danger to others - she shouldn't have to give up her own grandchildren because he poses a threat. So I'd go the rehab way, probably....but it's a tough situation any way you look at it.

[sinical_sycology]

......at first I thought that's fucked up......after the story I thought "shit happens".

[Blue]

The child needed help and she gave up on him. Simple as that. Once she adopted that child - he became HERS. Just like her biological kids. Awards or not - she gave up on her child...who's to say she wont give up on the rest of them.



My opinion.

[/b]

Adoption is voluntary. The fact they withheld information from her is absolutely wrong on all accounts. He's not just some depressed, emotionally unstable kid. He's a dangerous 'sexual predator'. She can't even have her own grandchildren in the house because of him.



If I got lumped with a headcase paedophile waiting to happen, I'd want to get rid too.



You're pretty harsh.

[Wheretogo]

my first reaction was that there had to be a good reason for it. No one just adopts and then unadopts. It is a crazy and complicated subject. It is hard to care for a troubled child, and hard to undue the damage that was done. He has been in foster care for a long time, and was abused. The result is a child with extreme behavioural problems. I will bet anything, that if they took a brain scan of him, his brain is different than most people his age. I say that because he never got the loving and consistancy a child needs to mature into a loving caring adult.



I think the family has a right to unadopt him, specally since it sounds like he needs special care, and not everyone can give that. He should be placed with a family who know how, and can provide the safe environment for him and others.

[Beautiful]

Honestly. I'd do the same thing has her.

[Kit]

The child needed help and she gave up on him. Simple as that. Once she adopted that child - he became HERS. Just like her biological kids. Awards or not - she gave up on her child...who's to say she wont give up on the rest of them.



My opinion.

[/b]

Adoption is voluntary. The fact they withheld information from her is absolutely wrong on all accounts. He's not just some depressed, emotionally unstable kid. He's a dangerous 'sexual predator'. She can't even have her own grandchildren in the house because of him.



If I got lumped with a headcase paedophile waiting to happen, I'd want to get rid too.



You're pretty harsh.

[/b][/quote]



Exactly my point. They supposedly loved that child so much that they adopted him and made him theirs to love and take care of UNCONDITIONALLY. Just like you would your biological child. The kid get's help and treatment - he changes. Why make an abused child a statistic the way they did? Many members on this site have been abused....Does that truly mean that they WILL become abusers themselves? No.



Yes, yes I am(harsh). My (step) brother is a sex offender - I never once gave up on him - and I'm the one he offended...not to mention a 3 year old little girl that my step mom used to babysit. Am I really harsh or am I just extreamly forgiving and believe that people can change?

[Wheretogo]

Do you realize the kind of care that kid needs?????



you could never understand unless you saw it from the complete psychological point of veiw, and not everyone is equipt to give that kind of care. He is now 15 and it is almost too late for him, he needed special and intense care since he was 9. When some one is left out of the loop on things, they kid doesnt get that care and as a result only gets worse.

[sinical_sycology]

I'm going to have to side with Kit on this one. The kid's already fucked up, ditching him at 15 how the fuck is that suppose to make him better? One thing I say is I'll try if it doesn't work then well I tried. This is seemingly a situation in which if you saw someone about to be injured or possibly killed and you had an oppurtunity to stop it but you don't want to deal with it because you're scared, would you just give up immediately? I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that there was a possibility that I could've helped someone but decided not to for my own selfish reasons. You take a kid in find out that he's a little fucked in the head and you just drop the guy? You want to know the message that that conveys? It says "Noone has faith in me even the woman who took me in and fed me and raised me gave up on me....I'm hopeless" that's what it causes the kid to think and who knows what actions he might take after that, suicide is possibility or even worse inflict his pain unto someone else. You can have your friends your girlfriend or whoever the fuck else you know forsaken you, even if jesus or God had forsakened you but when your parents (the ones you consider your parents, obviously this kid considers her his mother because he doesn't want to leave and still wants to be her kid) forsaken you it'll seem as if theres nothing, you become empty and void of emotions and that shit burns and kills. So no I don't support this lady, a problem presents itself in front of her and she runs, shit anybody can adopt a flawless child but to truly save the ones that have been through hell and back that takes heart, and to me this lady ain't got a heart

[Barbies are Evil]

at the same time though, she has to think about her grandchildren.......i see what your saying, I just think there are other ways to look at this.

[Kit]

(1)Do you realize the kind of care that kid needs?????



(2)you could never understand unless you saw it from the complete psychological point of veiw, and not everyone is equipt to give that kind of care. (3)He is now 15 and it is almost too late for him, he needed special and intense care since he was 9. When some one is left out of the loop on things, they kid doesnt get that care and as a result only gets worse.

[/b]

1. Actually...I do. Therepy, support, for someone not to abandon him when he was promised a family by law, medication, love, and the list goes on. I've watched it happen.



2. Are ALL psychologists right? No. Are ALL doctors right? I'm living proof that they are not. So again I ask, why make an abused child a statistic the way they did?



3. It is NEVER too late. Until he is dead, it is never to late.



Ladies and Gentlemen - Point three is the most important thing for anyone to remember. If people give up on other's because they think it's "too late" then we wouldn't have miricle people on this planet. Look at those who have/had cancer and were told that it was too advanced yet they tried stuff anyway AND WERE CURED. Look at those who are like me - told they were never going to walk again, yet are now running marithons(though I haven't gotten that far, but working on it). Who are we to say that it's "too late?" For those of you who believe that you guide yourselves and there isn't a G-d to help, would you want someone to belittle you, or tell you that there is "no hope for you" or "you'll never change?" For those who believe in G-d...Isn't that his place? We place our trust in doctors because they have more KNOWLEDGE than us - but keep in mind that that 'doctor' is only human and makes mistakes - JUST LIKE YOU.



As for the grandkids - She can go see them. But she adopted a child, called him hers, loved him, and dropped him when he needed Love and Support most. And to me, that's maniacle, stupid, irresponsible, nonloving, and betraying.

[CanadaCraig]

Hi Everyone!!



Well thought out responses. That's great!!



It should be noted that the woman who wants to UNadopt the 15 year old is claiming that the agency in charge of the adoption - withheld the fact that the boy had a history of sexually abusing others. [Among other serious emotional problems] And NOW she is forbidden [by LAW] to allow her grand-kids, etc., to be in HER HOME while that 15 year old boy is there. This is a unique case. And unique cases deserve unique responses. If she was told before hand of the boys 'problems' - then I would agree with those of you who said that she should continue to care for him. But she was mislead. [So she says] And if that's true - and she WAS mislead - does not the adoption agency bear the responsibility for placing a sexually abusing 15 year old boy into a home with little kids?!



GREAT BIG HUG

Craig!!

[sinical_sycology]

Yeah I understand that point and that they should've told her about that. But my inquiry is she's saying if they told her the kid had a problem in the first place then she wouldn't event take him in. They say she's won several awards but to me it just seems like she only wants to pick the "good" ones and leave the problematic ones to someone else's care. Maybe I'm wrong though, I hope I am maybe she feels that if the agency had told her before she'd get the kid some help. But that doesn't seem to be the case with her wanting to unadopt the kid. Yes the agency should take responsibility and should have to compensate for whatever problems they may have causes but to me the kid is at the center of all this. He doesn't want to go but his "mother" wants to kick his ass out. Pretty sad if you ask me to do that to someone who's been abused and beaten, lived in a shelter with no parents, seems to find somebody who cares then they decide to kick him back to the curb he was on prior to his adoption. To me doing so doesn't create any positive effects so shouldn't they really just sit down and look at the situation and decide on an option that can be beneficial to both parties

[Lena]

Hmm, the agency made a big mistake that shouldn't have been made in the first place. BUT:



I feel that when someone has agreed to adopt a child they've agreed to love and care for that child unconditionally, as if it was their own, for the rest of their life with very few exceptions (say, if the adoptive parents are abusive to the child etc). To want to un-adopt that child is truly unfair.



There are ways to work around a situation like this. Find a treatment facility for the son (or have him under a rehabilitation order (why, I ask myself, has that not happened. It boggles the mind). The woman can go and see her grandchildren at their homes.



I guess people have to remember that if it weren't for the adoption, there would be no action on her part over this situation (I wonder if she would do this with a biological child). It leave me questioning whether this woman ever really loved/cared for him (seeing as she wants to un-adopt him). That makes me wonder if she is a suitable foster mother in the first place. She doesn't sound very committed.

Many families go through this with their biological children - for reasons known and unknown, (the child may have molested, abused, etc). In the majority of cases biological familes deal with it without severing contact, so why should this situation be any different?

[FranklinF]

first reaction: very curious as to how big an ass this kid is

after reading that kid needs to go, he is a risk to everyone in the home, not to mention himself, if it were me i would try to get him into a long term mental health facility that kid needs some serious help