Old Ppl Jokes

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Britt
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Old Ppl Jokes

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#1. SENIOR DRIVING . . .

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I

just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate

77. Please be careful!"

Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

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#2. "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "It's not Wednesday, it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "I'm thirsty too...let's go have a beer."

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#3. SENIOR MOMENTS II . . .

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.

Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.

Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,

"Now" don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....

but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.

Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her.

For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.

Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?

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#4. DRIVING . . .

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see

over the dashboard.

As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.

The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it.

I could have sworn we just went through a red light".

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light

was red again.

Again, they went right through.

The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red

but was really concerned that she was losing it.

She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road

and the next intersection.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.

So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that

we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

___________________________________________________________

#5. NURSING HOME . . .

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly father to a nursing home

and leaves him, hoping he will be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe him, feed him a tasty breakfast, and

set him in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

He seems OK, but after a while he slowly starts to lean over sideways in

his chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch him and straighten him up.

Again he seems OK, but after a while he starts to tilt to the other side.

The nurses rush back and once more bring him back upright.

This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old man is adjusting to his new

home. So Pa, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty good," he replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

___________________________________________________________

#6. ROMANCE . . .

An older couple were lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and

wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back

to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me.

"Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and

settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"



___________________________________________________________

#7. DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER . . .

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.

She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess

what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."

___________________________________________________________

#8. SENILE . . .

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath.

She puts one foot in and pauses.

She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses.

Then, she yells, "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters.

She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful."

She knocks on wood for good measure.

She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see

who's at the door".

____________________________________________________

#9. SUPERSEX . . .

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say

"Supersex".

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.

Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered,

"I think I'll take the soup."


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Britt
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Re: Old Ppl Jokes

Post by Britt »

i would do that also..lol..but my fav one out of all of these is #9..its hilarious....just the word supersex is what makes it so funny


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