This Made Me Feel Stupid

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Saren
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This Made Me Feel Stupid

Post by Saren »

Hey guys. Well, some of you remember my ex gf Brittany. Well we've been broken up for a while now. But the thing is, I wrote her an e-mail on how I felt, but she messed almost all that I said up and made me seem like the bad guy. If you want to see, this is what she wrote back and I'll keep the part bolded that really, really got to me. And wanna see if it would offend you too.



hey-

okay i kno u told me to forget that u wrote that email, but u do that SO many times and i cant just forget about all the things u told me. okay, i don't understand how u dont want me to say sumthing or not say sumthin about me hurting u the first time, or whatever, but yea..whatever. okay, the main thing that got me in this whole e-mail that u sent was that, sam, we are only kids..okay? i kno that i said all these things and i ment it at the time, but i donno how to explain this. okay, YES i do love you okay? but now its only as a friend, i kno that it seems like i moved on really fast but it happened. i did want to stay together forever but i couldnt keep walking around my mom when u called cuz i always felt guilty because i kno that isnt the way she wanted me to be, even tho i did love u. and if we did get married (which prolly wouldnt even be possible anyways) i could never tell my other parents or my grandparents or ANYONE in my family, i'd have to run away from them and never keep in contact..if i'm gonna be happily married to sumone i have to be able to share them with my family. i'm sorry if this hurts u, but yur email hurt me too, and even tho u said u didn't want it to come out mean it did, and i kno i'm not supposed to look into these things but u do that to me all the time, u write these really meaningful emails and letters and really truly tell me how u feel about this whole situation..GOOD, make me feel bad about it cuz i DO, i WANT you to hurt me! i kno u don't want to hurt me but just do it. tell me how u feel, tell me if yur mad at me! and about not talking, if that is what you TRULY want then i guess thats what i'm gonna have to give u, i personally don't wanna stop talking cuz i do love u and i love yur family, i truly feel like a belong in yur family too...i was brought to u to help and to be there. i don't kno what i'm supposed to help with but whatever it is i'm gonna figure it out and solve whatever it is that god intended me to do. okay? i don't want to run away from this, but if u do then fine, i can deal with it. and i'm not saying u cant but if it makes it easier for u, then okay. i have so many things to say, but i can't sort them all out. OH, i never DID say that i was gonna be with u if u broke up with March, that was your decision to break up with her. YOU told ME that it wouldnt work out anyways cuz u had "too many feelings for me still" okay and yes i thought we did have another fling, but i didnt want to get into another serious relationship cuz i did kno that i was gonna break up with u anyways cuz of my family. i only talked to dawn and becka cuz those two are the ONLY ppl i can talk to about u. i needed help from them and yes they did tell me the same thing and i don't kno what u were saying about me asking becka....but whatever..i asked her what she thought i should do, and she only told me that i should do what my heart told me and that she doesnt like long distance relationships cuz she is physically affectionate and so am i. i did look deep into my heart and i looked into the future and it wasnt good. i was just trying to protect u from me. i don't care what u say but i have been a real ass to you, but u just dont admit to it. im sorry that i dont feel the same and yes i am happy with cody and if i ramble on about him, which i dont think i do, just let me kno and i'll stop. cuz i dont wanna make it sound like i'm having "more fun" with him than i ever did with u cuz i DID have fun with you. GAAAA, this is all so hard to explain, and i kno that u'll find a different way to all the things i say, and find a counter-argument, but thats fine, cuz i just wanna make my point that:

i dont feel the same way as you

i still love you, but not as strong

i DID say things that i take back now, because i am only a kid

and i dont wanna stop talking to u cuz u are still one of my best friends.



i'm not trying to make u mad and i'm not trying to make this harder for u, but i'm sorry if it is. i'm sorry that u think about me so much, i'm sorry i hurt u, im sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

i dont kno how to help, so if u let me kno i will help....in anyway that i can, even if it does mean that i cant talk to u anymore



-me




So uh, yeah. Thanks if you read all that. Just had to rant. What do you guys think? I feel so stupid 'cuz I wrote all that. It's like I'm two different people and one part of me felt that for her, then another part wanted to take back the whole e-mail and wish that it was never written, because it's not what I really feel.



I dunno, it's confusing. But my sister Mary and I talked about it and she's gonna talk to her (Brittany asks her for her opinions on what she should do too) straight up. She makes it seem like she's the only one, and if not, everyone else should be ashamed and not be with the people they loved because of their family. And she's being who her family wants her to. because... she felt bad on how she was feeling for me, and knew what her mom wanted for her. So yeah.

And running away?! She said I was the one running away (check above bolded line) from that stuff of..whatever she meant. Now if I understand correctly, it sounds like that hypocrite needs to revise the sentence a bit so it makes sense.. ME being the one that's running away from stuff?



Sorry had to rant. But it offended me and my sister. (I love having her support me, she's kick ass... sorry :P )







-Samantha
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My beautiful baby girl

Autumn E. R-K.

Born on: February 26th, 2007

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"Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief."

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girl_about_town
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Re: This Made Me Feel Stupid

Post by girl_about_town »

aww sweetie ***hugs*** i hope you are ok xxx
Love Katie x x x
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SirPostAlot
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Re: This Made Me Feel Stupid

Post by SirPostAlot »

gezz, hun...you are great and from this : (like i said) you can do better becuase it seems like brittany doesn't recognize how great you are...



And online relationships + phone are very difficult becuase you never know whats really going on...



My advice: Move on...find a better girl (or kyle :P) in Mass and be there with her...forget about brittany...you are way too good of a friend and person to be caught up on a single person who isn't worthy of you :)



:hug:



~Jeff~
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Doug
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Re: This Made Me Feel Stupid

Post by Doug »

Hey, it sounds like another bad break-up. Ugh, I hate em. Feel free to contact me if you still need to talk. :hug:



<Moving to Relationships<



Doug
"Yeah, I'm a great lesbian. Are you a good lesbian, Doug?" - Jenna
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Toy Soldier
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Re: This Made Me Feel Stupid

Post by Toy Soldier »

I agree with Jeff, you're a brill babe. Just move on and leave Brittany with her thoughts, and go out with someone who appreciates YOU. If thats the way shes going to be, just forget about her and move on.I can understand why it offended you hun.

luv Ruth
Ruth I was forgotten, I won't be forgotten, never again... says:

lol, dont think they have tigers on farmsthough :/



Angel Breaks says:

i was thinkin that but fuck it macdonald was progressive he knew tigers were the future
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