Please Help

[kittykat91419]

I broke up with my boyfriend this morning because his mom wouldn't let him go to church, drive himself to church or let me drive him to church, for no stated reason. I met him at church and hoped that would be a good start. We've been dating for almost nine months now, and he finally started coming every week, regardless of his family, now his mom won't let him get to church. She is also very controlling and will say that we can't get together, just because she said so. I love my boyfriend, very very much. I just want to figure out how to avoid being his mother's pawn in the mind games she plays with him. One day, before they left on a big trip, she said we couldn't get together the day they were leaving, but he was all ready to go, they don't have to drive me at all, and he had nothing to do except sit around all day until they left around 5 pm that evening. Please offer some advice. He knows why I broke up and that I still love him, and that if we can find any way to avoid this problem, I want to go out with him very much. I just don't know what to do.

[Kit]

*Does speak of religion*



Does his mother have a spicific religion that she wants him to be in? Can it be that she doesn't like the church that he in involved with?



She may also feel that you all spend too much time together. I know that that may sound odd and all but it's a great possiblity. Set her down and talk to her about it. You can use these words if you choose to do so:



"Can I talk to you? (Sure or yes) There's been something that has been bothering me and I was wondering if you can help me out. (ok or what is it) BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH"



I hope this helps. If you need anything just let me know.



Good luck! *hugs*



-Sammi

[Michie]

I agree with Sammi in a sense. It is a good idea to talk to his mom face 2 face...that way you can tell her what you want and maybe she;ll actually listen to you.

[kittykat91419]

No, we're the same religion, his family and mine, so that's cool. I thought his parents would like that he was really excited to go to church, but it looks like he cares more than they do. This really isn't just about church, it's about the control. She likes to say no for the sake of saying no. She says that we can get together after he finishes stuff, then yells at him when he asks if we can get together after he finishes everything.

[dark_angel07]

How old is he? and How old are you?



Well, I hate to say this, but maybe she doesnt like you for some reason and doesnt want him to spend time with you? Or maybe shes afraid of him spending time with you, cuz your his girlfriend and some mom's that freaks them out. They dont want their baby growing up and leaving for some chic! or Maybe she doesnt want him to get hurt by you? Know what i mean? Mom's are kinda weird sometimes. You just need to somehow talk to her about it, or have him talk to her about it! I mean it is his mom!!



Good Luck!!

[kittykat91419]

he's 16, me 17. . . he's tried talking to her, she starts yelling and then grounds him for yelling at her, when he doesn't. no matter what he does, it's never okay. I've babysat her ******* foster kids for hours to get a chance to see him, but she just whines when we've spent the day doing stuff for her and we then ask for an hour or two to be together. . .

[jess_617]

I think maybe she just doesnt want him to date. Talk to her. Maybe if you let her know that you care about him then she will ease up. You shouldnt break up with him if you care about him just cuz his mom is an uber-control freak. You are dating HIM remember? Well I hope you find a way to work this out. Good Luck.



Jessi

[kittykat91419]

okay, I'm gonna rephrase this: How do I date a guy who's mom is (as jess put it) an uber-control freak without becoming her pawn?

[Kit]

It's just being a pertective mother. It could be that you're older than he is and she dissagrees with that or because she has foster kids, she wants him to help be a good role modle for them. I don't know. Just talk to her about it and tell her how you feel.

[Kit]

Originally posted by kittykat91419@Aug 22 2004, 07:54 PM

okay, I'm gonna rephrase this: How do I date a guy who's mom is (as jess put it) an uber-control freak without becoming her pawn?

By not becoming her pawn. Just because you're/were dating him doesn't mean you have to let her minipulate you.

[kittykat91419]

But how do I do that? She determines every move anyone makes when we're at his house, and she won't let him come over or go out half the time, b/c she doesn't feel like it

[Spitfire]

Sounds like she is just trying to be a bitch. This is hard. If you still love him, date him regardless of his mothers approval. I understand that you cant really get her to change. But try to talk to her agian anyway, why dont you both try talking to her. Let her know its his life, and he is going to do what he wants. Or maybe just obey her so much that it annoys her. I think she is just trying to make it miserable for you guys so that you stop going out, and by breaking up with him, she just accomplished what she wanted. You dont want her to succed.

[kittykat91419]

I feel like this guy. . . what would you say if you were his mom and I suggested that we still date, get together, w/e, but only when I didn't have to come out to his house at all. . . when he could either drive or get a ride both ways or I would pick him up after church or Tae Kwon Do (which we still have together. . .) and he could get a ride home? At least for the rest of the summer. . . or when we could meet somewhere? Does that sound reasonable? for him, too? I don't know, I was up all last night sobbing b/c I missed him so much, but when I see her, I feel terrible b/c I watch her scare him into submission by playing mind games with him, I feel like I'm watching her abuse him and his sibs mentally, but no one else sees it or can help me. . .

[kittykat91419]

Yay!!! We figured it out. Thanks to all for your advice.

[Michie]

Yay!

I'm glad it worked out for you guys.