I Don't Know How To Feel

[kellykelly]

sorry if this ends up being confusing, i just got alot on my mind. both of my b/fs parents are alcoholics, and actually most of his family. he was in rehab once almost two years ago for crack/cocaine but he's been clean. he just graduated and now he wants to move in with his friend dylan. i mean i'm glad he's moving out of his house cause his dad's a douchebag but his friend gets wasted EVERYDAY. he was telling me how he's been drunk for basically a week straight. my b/f says oh i wouldn't drink when you were there and we basically spend everyday together so dont worry babe. but gah if he lives there there's going to be alot of time i'm not there. and we talked about it and he gave me all this oh if you want me to quit drinking i will i'd quit smoking and everything for you. and i told him honestly i dont want you to drink because both your parents are alcoholics and my father's alcoholism ruined my family. and i think his drinking will end up ruining us. and he said oh babe i'll quit i'd do anything not to lose you. but as soon as he gets around dylan it's like he just forgets everything he said. his friend was like ohh you're guna get smashed this weekend with me or im guna kick your ass. you havent spent any time with me since i moved into my house. you're getting drunk this weekend. i dont want to change him i dont want his friends to think im stealing him from them but i just i really hate alcohol. my uncle was drunk when he molested me and all i can remember is the stench of alcohol coming from his panting mouth and i guess i'm just really confused. i just have so many ugh i hate drinking. even tho i do it occasionally i know its hipocritical but if my bf stopped drinking for me i would make sure i never touched it again. ever. i'm so confused because he said oh well we'll hang out friday til you have to go home and then i'll drink but dont worry i wont get too drunk i promise. i dont even want to see him because i get mad about it. i dont know how to feel. i dont want to change him n i guess if who he really is is an alcoholic i cant do much?

[Stuck911]

Have you told him that your really scared that he might be and that it would tear you up inside if he was? Really sit down with him and talk about it.

[Nikki]

Does he really have a problem with alcoholism? I mean, kinda like his parents? If yes I guess.. you can just try to trust him. If he sais he'll stop for you, then believe him. But if you call him or come to him and see him drunk, just hang up (phone) or leave rightaway (if you came to his place), coz he's gotta understand how much it upsets you. You said you don't wanna change him - it's a good thing.. so don't change him. But if he still keeps getting drunk even though he promised you he wouldn't, think about how long you can actualy take it. I mean, really, if he keeps doing it, do you imagine yourself always stressing about it, hate him for it, crying coz he didn't keep a promise... and still going out with him? for how long?

Tell him if he becomes alcoholic and doesn't wanna change it, that you won't take it coz you don't need an extra problem in your life. Let him know, clearly that if he doesn't make any effort to stop drinking, then he's gonna end up alone.

But now, if he does say he won't drink, and he does make efforts to keep the promise, be there for him to let him know he's not alone in his problem.