Is There A "right" Time

[justinlover3487]

Ok my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and we are both bery happy where things are right now. Well almost..I really want to marry him but he says he isn't ready. He is afraid we won't make it and one/both of us are going to get hurt. I know we can make it and we won't get hurt. I love him with all my heart and would do ANYTHING for him. I know he loves me and would do ANYTHING for me too. Everytime I am with him I feel like I can't breath, and when I'm not with him....I want to be. I feel so safe when I with him and feel like nothing can hurt me when I'm in his arms. My mom has told me to givr him a choice....marry me or we are over. Maybe it is just me but I think that is so wrong. I am not afraid he will leave me....I just don't want him to chose marriage when he isn't 100% ready or break up with me. I don't want to get married RIGHT NOW!!! Just would like to move the relationship to the next level. We are only 19 and I would love to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to get married by the time we are 20-21. Is that bad. My best friend just got married (she's 19 and he's 24). I think it was better for them because he is so much older than my boyfriend. Am I rushing things? Am I in too much of a rush? I know I love him and would give my life to save his without a 2nd thought. I know he would do the same for me too. Is there a "right" time for marriage? PLEASE don't say ONE THING about $$. We both have ehough money to get though the reast of school and have a nice place to live. Money is not a problem. If there really isn't a right time then how do I tell him that I am 100% ready and know we can make it. Everytime I say this to him, he says "your parents got married at our age and look at them." And "people change baby, look at my parents." I can't get him to look past the failed marriage of his parents and constant fights my rents have. We will not be like them. I would never lie to him or fight over stupid things. PLEASE HELP.

Thanks and sorry for the scatteredness.

[PurplePoemPuppet]

There's a lot going on in this situation. For one, if there's a problem with failed marriages in his past, that's a very hard thing for him to get through, and for him to get married, he'd have to be absolutely positive down to the core to know that it would be you he wants to marry. An ultimatum isn't a great option either, nor is pressuring him. A very dear friend of mine has told me his girlfriend has been pressuring him to marry her and he's really not pleased with that. If anything i'm sure it turns him away and that's not what you want.



Around your age I might have been ready for marriage and to a point, I might have been. My boyfriend and I split before college and when I got here I was amazed at my own transition. It was really hard but with the complete turnaround I've made I wonder how we might have lasted, maybe it would have strengthened our relationship, maybe worsened it.



And i'm not saying that marriage around your age doesn't work. I know many of my friends who are getting married and it's amazing to think about at such a young age (though at times we feel "old"). However, at 19, you have years ahead of you for growth and maturing and learning more and more about who you both are.



A thought that has crossed my mind is that you say you're looking to move to the next step in your relationship, and there could be a couple of reasons for that. One, you're scared that sitting idly in a relationship means the potential for it to end before you are bound to him through engagement to marriage, or two, you're just really that excited to move on to marry him. But if you don't want to get married right now, and would rather wait a couple years anyway, then there's no rush to be engaged right now, so I've got to consider option one.



And as far as the fighting thing goes, yes, you'll fight with him over stupid things. And you'll laugh about it later. Don't be afraid to fight. That was probably been my biggest issue in relationships. You can't always expect to have a happy sappy romantic relationship without ever getting pissed the hell off at each other. Because if you can get angry with one another, even over the stupidest of things or even some bigger things, and still have enough love to come back to each other, you can definitely make it a long way in your relationship.

[RockNpUnKchic123]

I definitly agree with Purple Poem Puppet. Giving him an ultimatum is almost the worst you can do. Becuase he couuld feel like you are backing him into a corner and then dump you because its the only out youre giving him. And as for never fighting with him. When my boyfriend and I hit two years we were just like you and your boyfriend. In a uephoric state of mind, never fought, thought we were perfect together. But eventually you get into fights. And some of them are pretty huge, but like she said, if you can get through them your relationship is 10x stronger.

[Stuck911]

He might be scared of marriage because of all the failed ones he sees. For right now just keep showing him that you love and would to anything for him. Don't push him to do anything because he will feel trapped.

[nevermindmylife]

okay, YOU might want marriage at 21, but does he? I mean, just because he doesn't want to be married so young, doesn't mean he never wants to be married.... I mean, if my guy asked me to marry him when we were 19, i would have thought he is CRAZY because we are only 19. I know that people do get married at that age, but now adays that is not the norm, nor is it necessary. I really don't htink you should rush into getting married so young, there is still so much of your life that you don't know about. At 19, my guy and I were totally in love with each other, but since that time we have each changed so much it is remarkable. Thankfully we changed together, but you do not know whether or not you and your guy will change together. I think to jump into commitment at so young an age might trap you. Yes, you might love him, but someday you may find that although there is love, there is no friendship, which is just as important.

[Blue]

My goodness. What IS it with women and 'moving the relationship to the next level'?



It sounds to me like you're insecure. Why do you want this marriage so badly other than some 'confirmation' in your head that he'll stay with you for life? What's preventing you from being happy with the way things are now? Why do you NEED that ring on your finger?



It also sounds like you're doing a copy-cat deal. Your friend got married and now you want to as well. Immature much?



Also wondering why you want to be married by the time you're 21. I think you're living in a fantasy world and married before 21 = lifetime happiness. If you two really love each other, it won't matter WHEN you get married. If you're meant to stay together, you will stay together - with or without that wedding ring.



Girls scare me.

[dna13]

Maybe you should just wait a bit. If he's not ready you shouldn't pressure him. He probably really cares about you and doesn't want anything to go wrong. Break-ups hurt, but broken up marriages will hurt even more. Maybe just stay with things like they are at the moment or try talking to him about it and tell him how you feel. You both love each other a lot, but sometimes you've got to make sure it's the right decision. Maybe he's just not sure or ready for that kind of relationship yet since you are btoh still young. But if it feels right it would probably be the right decision. Good luck!