Dumped

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CausticTears
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Dumped

Post by CausticTears »

Hi guys,

So my gf of close to a year broke up with me yesterday. For me, it was a bit of a shock because I felt like I was misled to think everything was ok. She was telling me she loved me and missed me a night ago and everyday of the weeks. She broke up with me saying she doesn't think we're right for each other, I can do better than her, and she needs to be alone and doesn't know if I'm what she wants. (And not to say she is exactly what I want, I know I can do much better)

After her saying all that, I tried my best to be calm and hear her out and try to understand how this came about. Apparently, she fell out of love with me...the feeling faded away. How does that happen?



So after all the talking, I asked her: Did you ever hook up with anyone while we were together? And she replied: Yes. When you were on vacation, I made out with another girl. After that, I called her all the names in the book and stormed out.



I hate how this feels. I love[d] her and don't know how to exactly move on if I had placed my life around her. She was who I called everyday, who I saw frequently, who I wanted only. So now, I am confused as to how she even loved me to begin with if she cheated on me a few months ago and how she fell out of love with me. Because, I still love her and care about her. And I feel so weak cause a part of me still wants her to be with me and I wish she could say I still love you. I dono what to do. I know she did very wrong by cheating on me, but what if she still loves me... is it wrong to want her back? Weak, huh?



And also, I pretty much discarded my friends cuz of her. I only have 1 friend left... it sucks.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

-Leo Buscaglia



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Barbies are Evil
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Re: Dumped

Post by Barbies are Evil »

Its not wrong to want her back, but Dolly, you deserve someone that will love you and respect you and NEVER EVER think of cheating on you, disrespecting you in that way..........I think after your mourning period, you'll realize that
TJ[10:13 PM]: no not really..... it's all so.... like wow..... screw steps, you took a fuckin jet pack and strapped it on yourself and rocketed your way forward (thats my big bro)







And I'm going to extremes



Tomorrow I will change



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Trickmatic
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Re: Dumped

Post by Trickmatic »

The way I see it, just use it as a learning experience, even though it hurts. You will realize it like Erin says that you could do so much better for yourself. It's not wrong to want her back since she has been a big part of your life for the past while, but the day will come through your mourning that you feel better off without her. You're 21, plenty of time to find someone amazing for you.
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Re: Dumped

Post by Spitfire »

The ending of a relationship is never easy, especially when you really did care about the person. And so often you don't realize what was going wrong in a relationship until its all over. But from my experience it makes it a lot easier to deal with if you just stop wondering. When somebody breaks up with you, the first thing you want to know is why, and then after that you want to know what caused it...or if somebody else was involved. But if you take it from a third person point of view and just tell yourself that the person had her reasons and try to not hate the person, but still respect that the relationship isn't going to work out, you're going to get the closure that you wont get if you sit there and wonder why or get angry.



But, in your case you did find out something hurtful after the fact that it was over, and my best advice is to use that as proof to yourself that this relationship isn't what you want. Of course you're going to think about her..and think that maybe you want her back...But did you want to be cheated on? Its a hard situation, but try to keep your ground and your eyes open. I've been single for a long time now and it still hurts just to be alone. But at the same time, it gives you the opportunity to look for somebody better. Just think about what you're looking for in a partner, and look for it; You'll make it through it!
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CausticTears
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Re: Dumped

Post by CausticTears »

Sigh. We talked last night and she was sobbing saying she only said she didn't love me and didn't want me so I could maybe hate her and leave cuz she knows I deserve better. She said her guilty conscious of making out w someone else was eating her apart every day.

I didn't give her any pity for sobbing, either, by the way. I was very unemotional on the phone and told her that her actions she had made were not okay. And never will be ok. Even if it just making out with someone and not having sex, it's wrong. We talked. And she said she'd make an effort to go see a therapist and change her ways. Because she loved me so much. I told her that's a great idea for herself and we could take it slow. Not to say I can jump back into this, but I want it very very slow. And I said I would make no effort for a while and that it was up to her. =/ I feel weak for taking her back...and everyone will look down on me for it. But, I love her and I'm gonna take it slow. Keep my horizons open, put myself first, go out with friends more than her now...



Am I stupid?
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

-Leo Buscaglia



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Barbies are Evil
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Re: Dumped

Post by Barbies are Evil »

No one will look down upon you for it.......like i told you on AIM, if you really think about it and decide in your heart what you want, and if you really believe she can change, then thats up to you........we just want you happy Dolly, thats all.
TJ[10:13 PM]: no not really..... it's all so.... like wow..... screw steps, you took a fuckin jet pack and strapped it on yourself and rocketed your way forward (thats my big bro)







And I'm going to extremes



Tomorrow I will change



And today won't mean a thing



I'm a bitch, I'm a tease



I'm a goddess on my knees



When you hurt, when you suffer



I'm your angel undercover



I've been numb, I'm revived



Can't say I'm not alive



You know I wouldn't want it any other way



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CausticTears
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Re: Dumped

Post by CausticTears »

She cheated on me... more than making out. She slept with the girl. I'm numb for the time being. I wish there was someone I could call right now as a rebound and hook up.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

-Leo Buscaglia



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CanadaCraig
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Re: Dumped

Post by CanadaCraig »

[quote name='CausticTears;496651']She cheated on me... more than making out. She slept with the girl. I'm numb for the time being. I wish there was someone I could call right now as a rebound and hook up.[/quote]

Hi CausticTears!! :)



I'm sorry to hear all of that. Being betrayed by someone we love - and by someone who we think loves us - is a horrible thing. It really REALLY hurts. And in that hurt it's tempting to want to react in some way. But please try to avoid the temptation to 'hook up' with someone - just to ease your own burdens. It just wouldn't be fair to that 'someone else'.



That said.... you have already been given some wonderful advice. And there's not much that I can add to what's already been said. So I'll leave it at that. But rest assured - you're NOT stupid.



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Craig!! :)
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Summer08
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Re: Dumped

Post by Summer08 »

A few cheesy quotes that helped me through a tough break-up and still help when things are difficult:

"Life will never be the same...that doesn't mean that it cannot be good again, but it will never be the same."

"I believe in memories. They look so, so pretty while I sleep."

"Remember to play after every storm."

You cannot change what your ex did, and neither can she, but you can control the way you react to it and allow it to affect you. Allow time for mourning- the loss of a relationship is much like the death of a loved one. It's okay to mourn the loss of something that was so important to you. Even if it ended sorely, you are not stupid for caring and hopefully you will not regret the relationship as a whole. Every relationship we are in teaches us something about ourselves and who we want to be with. Take this time to remind yourself of what is important to YOU, whether that is activities that you enjoy or friends you have pushed aside and want to reconnect with. Good luck and I hope things look up for you :)
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