Discussion: How Far Would You Go For A Friend?

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Cindy
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Discussion: How Far Would You Go For A Friend?

Post by Cindy » Sat Aug 22, 2009 6:40 pm

We have all had those days where a friend wanted something and you had to decide what you were going to do. How far would you go for a friend? Would you be ok with making a decision where you lost your friends over it?



After my relationship ended, I realized that I had no friends of my own. After a few months I got in touch with some of the girls at work, and we would get together to go out to the club or bowling or out drinking. I have no issues with underage drinking, I personally think the 21 years or older law is silly, but if you think you are old enough to drink, then you need to be old enough to handle what comes with it.



So after bowling, we went back to a friends place and the girl who owned the place went out and got beer. I was driving, and even though I wanted to drink, I knew that any more then 2 drinks and I wouldn't be safe to drive. I was called "party pooper" and so forth, but I would rather get home safe and live to see the next day then to kill someone on the way home and live with the knowledge of that the rest of my life.



We had a 19 year old there who decided to sneak vodka into the bowling alley and was pretty slammed before she downed another 3 beers. She stood there for over an hour asking us and herself if she was OK to drive. IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, THE ANSWER IS NO! After 45mins of her asking, I looked her straight into the eyes and said "No, You are NOT ok to drive, and if this was MY place yoru keys would have been taken a long time ago. You will either stay here or I'll drive you home"



This was the last time I was asked out by these girls.



I lost friends because I stood up for the right thing. I may have even saved this girls life by standing up to her. In return though I have been black listed from future events. You know what though? That is fine by me. Real friends would have agreed with me and stood by me when I took a stand, not avoid me because of it.



So, how far would you go for a friend?
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iHEAVENn
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Re: Discussion: How Far Would You Go For A Friend?

Post by iHEAVENn » Tue Aug 25, 2009 1:26 pm

Good for you.

I would've done the same..

Honestly I'll do anything for my friends as long as it's legal, doesn't harm anyone, and I have the means to do it.
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bluegray
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Re: Discussion: How Far Would You Go For A Friend?

Post by bluegray » Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:22 pm

I would of done the samething. It would depend on the friend as to how much I would do, but no matter what if it will hurt them or another I would ensure it didn't happen.

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carly11
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Re: Discussion: How Far Would You Go For A Friend?

Post by carly11 » Thu Jul 05, 2012 5:51 pm

I like to think I'd do anything for a friend, espcially one as special to me as my own sister, but I've realized that I might not be able to...or maybe I'm just confused about what exactly to do to 'help' her. She does drugs and drinks (not excessively I don't think, but enough that I know it has the potential to become a habit/ addiction for her and has already had impacts on her social life/ school work quality/ etc)... She's told me that she does this, and has also on a number of occassions tried to pressure me into 'being cool' or 'just trying it out' (drugs or drinking), but every time I tell her no (I once told her-- one of the 1st times she asked-- that "I would think about it."...but, that really meant no and I was just trying to get her to stop pestering me about it because I knew I might end up giving in and I did not want that to happen). So anyways, she told me to not under any circumstances tell my Mom (single parent) about this, and I promised. So, in one sense I think it's a way for me to "help" her, by protecting her secret from Mom. But in another sense, I think I could "help" her by telling Mom so she could get help (even though I know my Mom would freak and might make the situation worse--especially since my sister and Mom already have a relatively strained relationship). I sometimes wonder though, if by my sister telling me that she was engaged in these kinds of behaviors, if it was somehow her way to 'ask' me for help?... like does she want me to help her get help? (hopefully <-- that makes sense). I very much want to do what is best for her, but I'm just not sure if what's best for her is to keep her secret and hope mom suspects something and figures it out herself, or to bring it to mom's attention directly in order to make sure my sister does get help and this doesn't become more than it already is. I tell myself I would do anything to help my sister, but then I wonder if I actually would... I mean, I'm her sister. Isn't part of that job description to protect her? But then, what does it mean to protect her? Does it mean I share a secret she told me that I was specifically told never to tell our Mom and risk ruining the relationship we have that's left, or does it mean I protect her through protecting her secret? I know that in the long run, it would be best to share the secret and get her the help she needs, but I'm just not sure I"m ready to sacrifice the little bit of 'connection' we have to each other that's left. She's always hanging out with friends and never seems to want to be with me (unless she needs to ask me for something (ie. $) or none of her friends are available to 'hang out'). I'm worried about her because I don't think she realizes how big of an impact drinking/ drugs have on her (relationships-family, friends; school work; future; etc.) even though she likes to think she understands everything and is always in control. I want to help her in any way possible, but I'm not sure what the "right" thing to do in this situation is anymore?... I used to think I knew (that it was protecting her secret), but now I'm not so sure...

Any thoughts? Thanks!
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JuneB
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Re: Discussion: How Far Would You Go For A Friend?

Post by JuneB » Mon Jul 23, 2012 1:44 am

I've had to do this with my parents. In my case, they don't ever remember it the next day, so I don't really know how to deal with the aftermath...I have to say, as someone who is ridiculously defensive about their drinking, even I wouldn't have a problem with what you did if it'd been me. You cared enough about your friends to be the designated driver, and you were willing to drive them home. I've never had a friend who cared that much about me, if they can't appreciate you then you need better friends.

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