Not Been A Very Good Few Months

How can this be happening? Why is it always me? Do you ever ask yourself these questions or do you simply want to vent? Do it all here, we'll try to help.

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Not Been A Very Good Few Months

Post by Smiley »

I'm so lost.



I started my first year of university back in September. All was well and good for the first little then things got not so good. I could deal with the doing not so well and making up for it, but my parents just don't seem to understand. They think university is obviously a breeze compared to what they put up with in a day and I should be able to handle stuff at home as well as school. The big thing is I can't! They get after me for being so tired all the time and sleeping my weekends away, I'm trying to keep up with them and keep up with my work. I've had so many fights with my parents over this that it just blows my mind. I think they're a little too quick to start yelling and screaming about how lazy I am if I forget to do the dishes one time and it just leads to fight after fight after fight. I can't put up with the emotional stress of the fights. I just can't. The only bright side is my mom has stopped telling me how fat I'll get if I don't do my chores because I got upset and just had to tell someone and she found out which lead to 'family embarassment'. I just remember getting so upset over that comment that I stopped eating altogether and I really haven't regained any sort of good eating habits from that.



Then there's the baby brother who thinks it's all right to annoy the living daylights out of me. I've begged my parents to do something but they just laugh it off and tell me to ignore him. I've tried ignoring him for weeks at a time but he just gets more persistant and worse. It finally came to a head one day when I walked in the door and he screamed at me "HEY SMILEY!" (not my real name) to try and make me jump. I yelled at him to stop it and never to do that. I mean seriously, I could've fallen down the flight of stairs if I had jumped, I had just had a really bad day and I was already on the verge of tears. Oh, who gets in trouble? Me, because I have to be Miss Mary Sunshine all the time and come home smiling. I have to put up with his stupid antics because he's the baby and he doesn't know any better. I'm tired of him always coming in and screaming in my ears, him always walking into my room without knocking, him doing whatever he wants. It's sickening. He's a teenager for crying out loud. I know better behaved five year olds.



It's just hard enough I'm trying to cope with failing university and I can't tell my parents that I am because they'll tell me "That's nice" and continue on like normal. They think it's all great I'm the first one in the family to attend university but when I ask for some support like telling them there will be times I won't be able to help around the house, they harp at me. They harp at me because I'm so tired all the time from studying and trying to satisfy what they want done. I can't deal with the problems at home and my problems at school. I've considered moving out but I have no money to speak of (they control all my loans and credit cards, I have no access to that stuff whatsoever) and I don't even know where to move out to. I wish I had gone away for university, I really do. At least I'd be doing something I enjoy and something I wanted but no. I had to stay at home because there were other kids to support and I have to be the one to compromise. My other siblings won't have to compromise but no, I have to compromise what I want to be studying (and doing for the rest of my life) just for their ungrateful selves.



I just don't understand what my parents have to complain about and it drives me absolutely insane. Most parents would be happy to have me as a daughter, I never go out, I very rarely go to any sort of party, I choose to stay at home for university without fighting my parents' wishes. I'm such a good girl that it makes me sick. I have no social life to speak of and I don't have very many friends. I'm just not surviving anymore. I just can't live this life anymore. I can't deal with my family and school because I'm failing miserably at both. I want to have friends. I want to go out on a Friday night with people instead of staying at home studying for a class I'm going to fail anyways because no one wants to go anywhere with me. I'm just so tired of being frustrated and having no way out of any situation I'm in. I don't know where to turn anymore.



There, I'm done ventings. Thanks.
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