Stuck In A Tranz

[Trapped]

I feel like I'm stuck in a tranz....sorrt of....but here's what I mean:



I keep watching other ppl my age and some older, and I feel so left out. Like not, not included, but it just feels like I've missed out on life. I mean I'm 15, and there's so much I haven't done. (Like, I say I like tryin new things....which I do, but I haven't tried too many things....) It's my fault. I've isolated myself nearly my whole life. I used to be (slowly tryin to get out of it) sooo shy...I mean it was like I was afraid of ppl. When I was litle I would hide from ppl who came over........And I started talking real late (like 3, but the 1st thing I said was a sentence [ not really a first word]). SO I'm still quiet, just not soo afraid of ppl nemore.



But now, it's like, I want to......I'm bustin lose! I wanna get out here, and be that outgoin, carin, wild thing, something that you don't expect, yet conservative, (like I know what's good for me, and what isn't; and I apply it, but I have FUN!) I don't have a lot of friends, so I don't get to talk to ppl a lot--so where I'm goin with that is that I seem to go on and on when someone wants to talk to me; cuz I haven't had a chance to talk to anyone ya know? (hope so)



Sort of like in college, that sweet innocent girl, comin out of her shell.......that's why my username is Trapped, cuz that' how I feel, 'cept I'm not in college. I've never really "hung out" w/ neone at school. I sort of jus let ppl puch me around (but I'm not bullied) THey sort of jus run me over, and I don't do anything about it, but I'm not picked on, cuz I'm supposedly smart, but Idon't like to brag, so I don't. So in turn, I've never been w/ a guy, kissed a guy, or jus talked to a guy (like I'd love to, but I've never had a guy friend that I could jus chill w/, ya know?) I don't know slang, but that's alright.....I like talkin "propper", cuz you don't hear it a lot, ya know. I'm cool with a lot of things......just a little hesitant about talkin cuz I don't really........................All I know is what they teach you in school.......kinda sad really..................I'm a lifeguard, so the trainin for that was dif. (not like school), and now I'm learnin by experience how to lifeguard....(I like it. A LOT!); and I'm takin Driver's Ed. whish is alright. I like that too....



Well......I'm sort of just...........I don't know..........does anyone understand? All I know is book sense. I'm just now startin to realize that ppl aren't.....well I don't have to be afraid of them anymore, and there are soo many other's just like me....



I'm sry this is so unorganized.

[insanity_freak]

wow...didn't realise this was you again! ok. i kind of feel the same (again). you see i used to be really shy, still am. i feel like i'v wasted my life so far because i haven't hardly ever talked to anyone. other people my age have been goin to clubs, going out every weekend, just being normal and im just here looking at them and wishing i could be like them. i dont really talk to people face to face but i talk loads on the internet and i go on and on aswell, some people just find me boring! I used to do this Rookie life saving course, it was really fun and i actually started to come out a bit more. I was like shouting and that hardly ever happens so it was really good, but i stopped because it cost too much.. Hopefully i'll find something else like that which i really like and can start it again.

[DrummerBabe228]

Hey, well i think its great that ur coming out of ur shell and tryin 2 make friends and all that stuff. I know people like that too, and i think its great when they come out, because then they are like 100000 times happier, and i want 2 wish u good luck!!!

[eddiejoy]

i know exactly where you are coming from. i have felt left out and i have missed out on life, too. and i understand its hard to get out of your shell. when i was a freshman in hs(i changed schools), i felt totally not included cuz the ppl in my class kinda sucked (i mean it!) and they were too immature the way they did. it really sucked to have them act like that and all i could do was a lot of sighs and thought they were pathetic. so, i knew it wasnt my fault, it was their fault in my situation, ya know. btw, im outgoing and i was just having some bad ppl around...so, everyone has their own problem. dont worry, you just have to take the first step to talk to anyone. the ones you feel comfortable with. atleast try...





hope it helped.

[iAmAStreaker]

I know what you mean girl. I've been like that forever. Ever since I was a little kid, people made fun of me. Manipulated me. Put me down. *I'm glad that never happend to you!!* And I thought they were "cool". So I took in bad qualities. I let people use me. I've always been shy, and.. eh! I learned how to cuss at a young age trying to be like those people I thought at the time were "cool". I was defensless and shy and nice and people took advantage of that. I know this isn't whats going on with you.. but I'm at the same point where you are. Except I have yet to come out of my shell. :- /. Heh. I mean, I have so many guys here that I could be friends with. I just don't communicate with anyone. I have a few guy friends at school. But they were in my class, so it was easier to make friends. I know what you mean though. And I'm soooo glad that you can finally be the person you've always wanted to be!!

[Trapped]

[mookie]

ah sweety you remind me of myself, i understand what you are going through. i dont allow myself to be around people and i never do anything because i guess im just scared. i wish i could be more out going because it sucks not having many friends. when i was in school i didnt talk to people and they would walk all over me too. if you ever need someone to speak to i am always on, heres my email.. pisceslove311@yahoo.com

[faith]

hiya there! ok just go out there and be crazy! like i guess its like out on the dance floor. see i suck at dancing. so i go out there and just dance like a freak. on purpose. idk just go out there andhave fun. u only live once so mise well live it up right?

[Trapped]

it's hard y'all. Yea I see what y'all are sayin,a nd not tryin to......I dunno....reject your responces (cuz I appreciate them VERY much), but I've heard it all before. I do try to go out there, but they say (not acctually) I can hang out with them, but then they just leave me. They doin't really include/remember me for anything, so it's like....wtf, and again. NO, I hate this! I just can't find those friends that are just like me, with dif. point/views, but enjoy each other's company, helpin each other, doin fun stuff, takin chances, experiencing humilation-but bein there for each other. ANd it's not or doesn't have to be this big group of friends. Just like a few best friends, that can tell each other anything. You know that those 2-4 or 5 best friends that always stick by each other no atter what. Anyone get what I'm sayin?



And for me, I just can't go out there, and be what's me on the inside....I'm too shy! I 'm afraid to show the real me for fear of rejection again....(I think(, and I wont show the real me till I find the right ppl....ya know?