I Don't Know What To Do

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usdianidawehi16
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Joined: Sat Apr 14, 2007 11:44 pm

I Don't Know What To Do

Post by usdianidawehi16 » Fri Aug 31, 2012 10:39 pm

i posted a long few years ago how i was lost in my faith. i took the advice. i went to more functions, went to study groups. i call myself a christian, but i don't know what else i can do to make myself feel god in my life. i don't feel him ever. i don't think i have ever felt him. i went through a rough patch when i was in my teens, was very depressed. i prayed for him to take the pain away. i prayed for him to do anything. nothing got better, i remained depressed. now in my mid 20s i still feel sad sometimes. there was a couple years when i felt better. i realized one day i didn't feel sad and i couldn't remember when the last time was, but the feelings have slowly returned. i still go to church, i don't talk about how i feel. it never did any good. i still hope that maybe the pain will go away, that maybe he is waiting for something and then he will help me. i don't know why he hasn't. i don't know why i don't feel him. i long to have that feeling that so many people have in the congregation. last week the pastor started his sermon by talking about the da vinci code book, the big bang, and how the people who like books like that, and who believe in thing like the big bang and evolution are enemies of god. we has a discussion before about evolution and such and when he knew how mad i was about it, because he said i was wrong for believeing in it, he apologized for weeks. now knowingly or unknowingly he put me into a category of people who are enemies of god. i'm so hurt that he would say this, knowing i was sitting right there. he has said to everyone that if he does something he wants to know about it. i hate upsetting people, which is why i havent said anything to him yet. i don't know if i can. what if he defends himself and says i am an enemy of god. what if by believing in something like this i am damming myself. could this be why i don't feel like god is in my life. is he punishing me because i believe in science. i hate havening this feeling. i do believe in god, but i don't know how to make myself not believe in something when i have all my life. i have no idea what to do. please i could use some guidance.

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