Ashamed

[Stephanie]

I lost my virginity last night, but it was so short. I'm really tight, so it hurt so much and I had to stop we didn't even really do anything. I feel so stupid and weird. My bf was so sweet and patient and he made me laugh when I was crying and I love him so much. But I still feel bad....for myself really because I didnt want it to be like this....

[iHEAVENn2]

The first time is never that good....

Don't let yourself stress over it, it's really not that big of a deal, a lot of girls have that problem

[morglith86]

Hun just thinkof it this way, yes it hurt and okay it wasnt that good for you, but you have a wonderful man to share that moment with. Lots of girls didnt/dont hav guys like that to lose it to. Youre a very lucky person and give it time okay? eventually you wont be so tight and youll enjoy it and youll love each other even more okay? Dont beat yourself up over it its nothing you could control.

[Skye]

Sweetie, the first time is never good. We've all had that experience and we can all pretty much tell you the same thing?that you have a wonderful boyfriend who was very sweet and made every effort to make this experience as comfortable as he could for you. And even when you were in pain, he was considerate and sweet and tried to make you feel better. There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Losing your virginity is not so much a physical change as it emotional. It's not even as much of a "right of passage" as it is made out to be. You have taken the next step in your relationship with your boyfriend and indeed another step in your life.



Next time you two have sex. It will hurt less and each time after that, it will hurt less, until its just pleasure, as sex should be. But, don't let that cloud the real purpose of sex, to make babies and further the human race, so use protection, ALWAYS! You can't keep telling yourself you did something wrong. You did nothing wrong, and you have zero control of "how tight" you are or how much your first sexual experience will or will not hurt. It's just the cards we're all given and you do what you can with those cards.



Oh, one more thing. If this really bothers you, please be vocal and talk to your boyfriend about this. Believe me when I say this. He will absolutely jump through hoops to make this experience better and more enjoyable for you. So, remember communication between you and your boyfriend through this experience is absolutely essential.



Good luck sweetheart. I hope the next time is better.

[lina]

i was the same way my first time. tell him one word foreplay. if he doesn't allready it helps relax and it won't be so bad.

[Cindy]

Thats how my first time was, so please dont' feel ashamed because of it. Sex was often very painful for me (still is at times). Be thankful that your boyfriend is understanding. Just be open to to him and talk about your feelings.



PM me if you need to talk.

Cindy

[Stephanie]

Hmmm we did foreplay stuff before, when we werent actually having sex....i think that was part of the problem i was looking forward to doing it all weekend so an exening when we're alone comes around and i rushed it, i know i did....

[Stephanie]

and right now im a little bit sad because i havent heard from him in two days. at all. not a call or anything to see how i am. this isnt what i was hoping for either.

[5a5]

hm well maybe he feels guilty or thinks he did something wrong? maybe he's trying to figure out what to say to u or something idk i think u should talk to him, first time is never good,

[Stephanie]

its been 3 days. not a word from him. he hasnt even attemped to contact me. not to see how im doing, just to say hi. nothing. and i emailed him tuesday nite and told him im free to hang out wed-fri evenings. it was important to hear from him tuesday because i lost my v with him monday night, its almost thursday evening now and not a word. im so unbelievably hurt...he's never hurt me like this before. am i overreacting?

[skaterGuy15]

No, you're not. He's obviously feeling awkward about something though.

[Stephanie]

i sent him an email. it goes a little something like this. ahem:



i have given myself emotionally to you, and done something that means a huge deal to me. i have told you how much it means to me. you saw what it did to me. i havent heard from you once, in three days. three. days. you should have called me the very next day. for something like what we did monday night. and after i sent you an email tuesday clearly wanting to be with you and i dont get a reply back, that makes me feel completely worthless. even if u never got that email, you have a phone. my mom can tell we did something because i havent eaten much and she can tell ive been crying. i feel like shit bobby, i always want to talk to you and be with you and i just dont see how you can go three days after what we did and not even make contact with me once. not once. sex means absolutely nothing to you bobby, you made that abundantly clear, but it does to me and you know that. even if we hadnt done anything it would have been nice to hear from you by now. i'd call, but i already sent u an email tuesday night and i cant call now, ill just feel desperate and pathetic.



if i did something to freak you out monday night then just tell me, because if i did something wrong im so sorry. i dont know if anything i could do would deserve being cast to the back of your mind, but im sorry. please dont just reply with the excuse that your busy, because ive never been too busy for you. i could go to school for 9 hours a day, i could go to school for 4 hours and work for 8, i could do a million things in a day and still make time to see you or at the very least call you. u need your space and i do too but this just hurts too much. youve never hurt me like this before...



if you havent called because something happened with your papa, then i take back everything i said because then its understandable, and im sorry.



stephanie

[5a5]

^ ya that's good i guess u just got to sit back and wait for a reply

[Stephanie]

and so this was his reply:





ok...wow didn't expect that.....you know i'm busy so you say but what eve,r i bet you know i'm working like 10 hour days so i can get a little over time to pay for my car (of which i owe $800) also...... but i don't know why your getting so mad i'm sorri i didn't call ..but honestly if i would have been at home during any decent hour i would have....the only time i'v been at home these 3 days is at 12:45 for like 20 min then i go to work...til now, i got off 10 min ago got ur e-mail and ...wow didn't expect it......you know i'm 2 busy, i told you that, i also told you that i love you which clearly something must have changed there with u as u never said it...but what ever i told you how i feel and i will always feel that way... y should sex change anything...its as if you want it to....mabye we weren't ready for it, cause that is clearly how it seems... i guess i should have called you tuesday you know with not even coming home that day....seeing how i got home at 11pm yes i can see how i should have called you..........u have a phone to you know....just cause i don't call you doesn't mean the call can't go the other way....phone me...phone me when ever...i won't be home cause i'm never home y do u think wqe only do stuff on the weekends....thats why!!!!!! and i'm not going to get all mad and go on the defencive about your e-mail....cause u knew how it would be before, so i don't know why u think it would change ...tuesday threw thursday are shot to me...there 13 hour days.... so thats why u didn't get a call cause i'm not going to phone ur house on a week night at like 11 when u dad has to worjk the next morning. so u can get mad if you want to but it won't acumplish anything cause i can't talk/see/do anything from tuesday til thursday...i just don't ave the time .....sooooo u can say i do...but ..whatever...well i love you and i know it was a big deal on monday and it should have made us closer but it looks as if it has started the biggest fight we've had....mabye we shouldn't have....who knows......but what do u do...i'm not going to call you til i either get a reply from this....cause i don't want to phone u if ur mad...cause it won't help things..





sigh.

[iHEAVENn2]

I see where he's coming from.... The phone does work both ways......

[Cindy]

Call him up and tell him the truth, that you were scared. You didn't want to be one of the girls who was just used and left. Say your sorry and that YOur relived. He will understand.

[Love2Laugh08]

Aww see you were worrying... hes just a busy guy.. and im guessing he told you this before.. anyways CALL HIM!!

[Stephanie]

Yes but I would call him if i hadnt already emailed him and then hadnt gotten a reply. Im not going to email him and say that i wanna hang out, not get a reply when i know he's checked his messages, and then call him. i dont wanna seem desperate and clingy. im not scared of calling him. im scared of bugging him.