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- Posts: 2386
- Joined: Fri Mar 21, 2003 4:21 pm
So I've been with my girlfriend for about 7 months now and my mother still has a huge problem with it. I spend every weekend or every other weekend at my gf's place since she doesn't live that close. (about a 20 minute drive) My girlfriend's mother is very accepting and gives her no issue about me; nor has she in the past. When I leave to spend the weekend at my gfs, or sometimes just to hang out with her, she yells at me... saying things like I'm a whore or stupid or that she's using me or if I try to come back home she won't let me in. She's put a chair against the door a few times as to not let me in.
My mom doesn't approve of lesbians; she thinks it's abnormal and I need therapy. My mom and my older sister used to both disapprove; but my sister seems to be the one who is calm and does not tell me not to things.
The reasons why my mom seemingly disapproves is:
1. She's a girl; that is not normal and I need therapy to fix myself.
2. Age difference - my gf is 27 and I am 21
3. My mom constantly says my gf is "using me" - she really doesn't have a solid reason for this. She just repeats it over and over again. Probably because of the age difference and maybe because she sees me driving more than my gf.
4. Like number 1, I should be with a man and get married and have a "normal" life.
I don't know what to do anymore. I live at home and I can't afford to move out, yet. And I also feel bad if I were to move out, cause my mom would be alone. I'm not willing to leave my gf for the sake of making my mother "happy"; I am very happy right now.
Any advice as to what I can possibly do to make my mom understand or approve a little?
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- Posts: 2788
- Joined: Tue Jun 03, 2003 6:16 pm
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tell your mom you have a boyfriend, that she (your gf) introduced you to and he is 63 you didnt think she would approve. he is who you are spending your weekends with while his wife is at the hospital for dialisis and you have hot steamy sex, give details she wont want to hear, if she is ok with that call her stupid move out and you wont have this problem. or just say mom this is my life if you do not approve that is ok with me i will not allow you to come between me and my girlfriend, and would like you to stop throwing tantrums. if you cannot do this our relationship will suffer more than it already has. say that you accept her choices, and she should accept yours. you are young you need to make your own "mistakes"
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- Posts: 206
- Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2005 8:56 pm
I really don't know how much you can do. She may eventually get over it, and she may not. A confrontation could be that push over the edge, but in which direction...? You say that you are very happy right now, so maybe this is the best you'll get. I really don't think she can be convinced. thats what she feels is Right, in the same way that I think she's wrong. If she were to change her mind, it would be her own personal realization, which doesn't seem very likely. Other wise the best you can hope for is that she will still think it's wrong, but accept that she cannot do anything about your relationship, and ignore that part of your life.
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- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 1:26 am
Maybe try having an adult "outing" with the three of you. Just go to the mall, out to lunch and to a movie with just the three of you and you and your gf just be as sensitive to her "feelings" that you can. Don't show PDA in front of her. Maybe her real problem is that when you leave the house to spend time with your gf, she's jealous because like you said - she's alone.
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- Posts: 1583
- Joined: Mon Feb 03, 2003 3:03 pm
accept the therapy with one condition - you go there together with your mom. Maybe the therapist can "fix" her homophobia?
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