I Knew From The Begining, But I Still Can't Beleive It...

[sdrawkcaBgnioG]

(To tell you the truth, I didn't know which topic thingie to put this in, so feel free to move it if you think it doesn't fit)



Today I lost my hero, my best friend, and my love.





I'm going to make an extremely long story short...



It started when I had just come out of the worst year of my life. I lost almost all my friends. I had been playing with knives... I was just a bad kid.



Then I meet a wonderful guy. His outlook on life was so different from everyone elses...



You know how people always tell you "live every day like you're going to die tomarrow"?





He was the only person I ever knew who literally did that.



Anyways, back to the story-



Everything was perfect... Exept for the fact that he lived 45 minutes away from me and had an abusive girlfriend. He also had no insurance, so he couldn't drive and his lazy parents hate taking him places.



We rarely ever got to see each other, but when we got the chance to go on dates, it was just...



Over the top. I don't think I was ever so happy in my life. He was always telling me things like "I love you, you're so beautiful..."



No one has ever said anything like that before. He was my first everything. My first real kiss, my first date, first guy to ever see me without clothes on...



And he even took my virginity.







Today I called him only for him to tell me how sorry he is that he did all of that... How much he regrets everything we ever did toghether and wishes it never happened. I knew nothing could work out... Because of age difference and living so far away... it just never crossed my mind.



I got way too attached to him and he knows it. He says the only way to break me from him is to cut off all contact.



I can't do that. I just can't... I'll make myself sick.



Now I have no one to talk to about this (my friends don't want to hear about him). And I don't know how I can let go of him... I don't want to, but I have no choice...



Any advise?

[fuzzysnowflake]

I hate to say this I really do but it is going to take time and mostly likely a lot of it. It is going to be hard and you will cry (a lot) but in time you will begin to move on. I would encourage you to journal and write out all your feelings and the good times that you had with him that you want to remember. And of course talk about and find someone that will listen to you because there is always one person. I will talk to anyone especially if they bribe me with coffee! Just take a really long time to get over him and know that at some point it will happen.

[Stuck911]

I agree, start a journal. It's a really good way to get all your feelings out. You can PM people on here, we're always ready to help out.

[Kit]

It will take time. But, you will get over him. Is it possible that his girlfriend found out? I would tell someone about the abuse that she plaes upon him. Just because you guys can't be together, doesn't mean you can't be the best friend he's ever had by putting an end to her torture. After that, start doing things to take your mind off of him for a while. You'll see that there are far too many years in front of you to let yourself suffer this way. Smile and have a good time. Just because he can't be with you doesn't mean that he wants you to suffer as well.

[*Miss*Priss*]

i know that im not much help, but i am going throught kinda the same thing my bf & i just broke up & he was my 1st EVERYTHING too & i think that thats the thing that is killing me, to know that i trusted him with all my heart, i put my self out there & i was vulnerable & he took advantage of it...yeah i did want to do the things i did at the time, but bc of the things he told me..."i love you with all my heat" "i never want to leave you" "i wanna be w/ you for forever" & i believed him, he tells me that he meant everything that he said & he still does...but i just dont understand it, if he does still love me & care about me more than anything then why did he break up w/ me???

ok sorry that was kinda just venting too im dont think i helped at all

[PurplePoemPuppet]

That's the thing about girls. Particularly with our first boyfriends where are things are just magical and everything we could possibly want, we hold onto those moments for dear life. Even when things are going sour, even when we know that we shouldn't let them get away with things we let them slide. We still want to hold on to every word he ever said that made us feel that we were the world, that we were beautiful and perfect and everything he could ever need.



But later on in time, you grow, you learn. He'll always have a place in your heart, but he won't hold your heart forever. And your heart won't be aching forever. My first boyfriend, when it ended, he told me that in time things will heal. He kept telling me that it's just a matter of time, and I hated to admit it (and didn't want to hear it) but it does. He still has a place in my heart. But I'm no longer in pain wishing that I could have him. It's different. You will be able to move on. In the mean time, journaling is a great way to get a release and just occupying yourself with other activities can be a nice way to help move on. And ultimately, though it seems so awful now, distance and cutting communication can really be a key to helping yourself heal. Don't be afraid of a future without him, you'll make it. Take care.