Funny Facts

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spatulaoflove
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Funny Facts

Post by spatulaoflove » Wed Feb 05, 2003 11:45 pm

My dad used to say:



1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an

ambulance.



2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a

skating rink.



3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to

the

back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can

buy

cigarettes at the front.



4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large

fries,

and a diet coke.



5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain

the

pens to the counters.



6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in

the

driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.



7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls

and

then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't

want

to talk to in the first place.



8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns

in

packages of eight.



9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the

process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning

'bloodsucking creatures'.



10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with

Braille

lettering.



EVER WONDER



Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?



Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?



Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?



Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?



Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?



Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?



Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid

made

with real lemons?



Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?



Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?



Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?



When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?



Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?



Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?



You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why

don't

they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!



Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?



Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?



If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?



If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?



------------------



In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through

stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.



On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only

time

I have to work on my hair).



On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.

Details

inside. (the shoplifter special)?



On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that

would

be how???....)



On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,

it's

"just" a suggestion).



On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside

down."

(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!



On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

(...and you thought????...)



On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but

wouldn't this ! save me more time)?



On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate

machinery

after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of

construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with

head-colds off those forklifts.)



On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking

this

because???....)



On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."

(as

opposed to.......what?)



On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,

somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)



On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news

flash)



On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat

nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)



On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable

you

to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)



On a Swedish chainsaw:" Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. "

(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
love,

Teal, the magical lute playing elf

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MiKeYo
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by MiKeYo » Thu Feb 06, 2003 12:57 am

uh................huh? :blink: :blink: :blink:
HI

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iHEAVENn
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by iHEAVENn » Thu Feb 06, 2003 7:22 am

:D lol omg those are great lol :P i love the chain saw one lol funny! some were kinda odd but the rest were great! lol :D
[CENTER]Man I wish you just left me alone.... Cause I was almost home.......

.:..::.?? Toga party anyone ??.::..:.

[/CENTER]



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jamie
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by jamie » Thu Feb 06, 2003 9:32 pm

I saw those on bored.com <_<
You breathe the strangest twist

upon your lips, "and we shall be together..."

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Mail Order
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by Mail Order » Fri Feb 07, 2003 1:14 am

I don't remember where I got this one:



On a Korean kitchen Knife: "Keep out of children."
ATTENTION: Due to finanical difficulties, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.

"They turn the lights down low,

In shadows hiding from the world,

Only coming out when it gets cold.

The seas part when they hit the floor,

The voices carry on and out the door

And everything you touch turns into gold

Like the angel you are you laugh creating a lightness in my chest,

Your eyes they penetrate me,

(Never cease to amaze me)

That's when I got up and left" Like The Angel - Rise Against

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MiKeYo
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by MiKeYo » Fri Feb 07, 2003 1:19 am

HI

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itsme
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by itsme » Fri Feb 07, 2003 12:08 pm

thats funny. i didnt read the last part cuz it was kinda long but i read the top. :)
PICTURES.

"Picture the scene, where whatever you thought, would in the blink of an eye manifest and become illustrated. You'd be sure man that every line drawn reflected a life that you loved not an existence that you hated."- incubus

"I'm Sick of Painting in Black and White. My Pen is dry, now I'm uptight. So sick of limiting myself to fit your definition. Redefine."- incubus

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Mail Order
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by Mail Order » Sat Feb 08, 2003 12:40 am

That's what I was wondering.



Suicidal child? Or Homocidal parents? Hmm... :blink:
ATTENTION: Due to finanical difficulties, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.

"They turn the lights down low,

In shadows hiding from the world,

Only coming out when it gets cold.

The seas part when they hit the floor,

The voices carry on and out the door

And everything you touch turns into gold

Like the angel you are you laugh creating a lightness in my chest,

Your eyes they penetrate me,

(Never cease to amaze me)

That's when I got up and left" Like The Angel - Rise Against

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MaxPowerMrs
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by MaxPowerMrs » Sat Feb 08, 2003 10:50 am

Your Dad used to say all that?



Tell him to shut up lol
?-(?`v??)-? ???k? ?-(?`v??)-?



Jeff Buckley ~ 17/11/1966 - 29/5/1997. RIP Dream Brother :)




Image



Ahh hell diddly ding dong crap!! Can't you morons do anything right? - Ned Flanders



May the wind always be at your back, and the sun upon your face. And may the winds of destiny carry you aloft, to dance with the stars.

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Re: Funny Facts

Post by nj100688 » Sun Feb 09, 2003 2:09 am

My favorite was the one that said what politics what latin for.
its better to have people think you're stupid then open your mouth and prove it



If you're going through hell, keep going. Winston Churchill



people often over look that a one in a million chances is still a chance

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fairytale420
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by fairytale420 » Mon Feb 10, 2003 12:12 am

i heard of all them b4....but the korean knife thing o god..pllz keep outta children.lol
You didnt know, but i did. I love you but you dont know. Your in my dreams, your in my thoughts, your in the air. I wish to be with you, but you dont know. I wish to know more, but you dont know. I see you around, but you dont know. Do you see me. I can look at you, and you make me smile, but you didnt know. You made me happy, you made me sad, but you didnt know. There was never a chance between me and you, but you must know.

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Jess
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by Jess » Mon Feb 10, 2003 8:23 am

hehe ive heard some of those before...they're great! :lol: thanks!
Image the banana dance will live on!Image

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Adnama
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by Adnama » Thu Feb 20, 2003 9:43 pm

I saw the chainsaw one before... only in the version i saw it said:



Do not try to stop chain with hands or gentitals

(was there alot of this happening some where!?!)



Hehehehe, its always been my favorite.
"It's just not the same when you're staring into a perfect golden sunset,

And thinking about how you sold your soul to send the rain away"

-Mineral "Slower"



"And the very fear that makes you want to die

Is just the same as what keeps you alive..."

-Barenaked Ladies, "War on drugs"



My blog of depressed rants: http://sendtherainaway.blogspot.com/

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Re: Funny Facts

Post by lil_angel_lover » Mon Feb 24, 2003 5:17 pm

LOL That is so funny. Heeheehaha
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by shay14 » Fri Mar 07, 2003 5:24 pm

that makes me think... hmm..
Late night comes are you home?

No you're not.

You're out with urge to satisfy yourself it's your vicious plot.

Looking back I realize that it's my fault.

I'm not around so your love comes to a halt.

You have no remorse in you.

It's the only thing you know.

You destroy me every time you little cunt.

I never wanted this.

Gave myself to you to get paid back with lies.

Every time I trust you I lose in the end.

I feel disgust in myself.

I love how you can call me and pretend you're innocent,

While I'm out here trying to better myself.

You're a pig when it comes to my emotions.

You drown me in your wake because you have no devotion.

You have no remorse in you.

It's the only thing you know.

You destroy me every time you little cunt.

I never wanted this.

Gave myself to you to get paid back with lies.

Every time I trust you I lose in the end.

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AE Baby
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by AE Baby » Sat Mar 08, 2003 12:47 am

lmao. that makes me laugh :P



:* *~Mwah~* :*

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Re: Funny Facts

Post by AE Baby » Sat Mar 08, 2003 12:48 am

lmao. that makes me laugh :P



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Tyoka
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Re: Funny Facts

Post by Tyoka » Fri Mar 14, 2003 7:21 am

Ya'know what's sad? one of my teachers told us they put the warnings like that on there cause someones actually done it. :blink:
In this bloody dawn

I will wash my soul

to call the spirit of vengence

to deny my wisdom for anger

to break the scream of the silent fool

and to be knightrider of doom



The Tetsusaiga's tranformation effectively changes it from a Katana to a Falchion.

This changes its damage to 7-15 and increases its range by 10.

If you understood any of that, you have problems.

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