I Hate Myself.

How can this be happening? Why is it always me? Do you ever ask yourself these questions or do you simply want to vent? Do it all here, we'll try to help.

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I Hate Myself.

Post by Carousel » Wed Feb 12, 2003 10:11 pm

I hate myself. I hate the way I look and I hate the way I mess everything up. I can't get a girl. I tried to get this one, she was interested at first, but I messed it up. It still hurts that I failed with her. I've moved on a bit, but it's knowing that I failed at somethign I could have easily had that hurts.



Not to mention I've got so many problems with my father right now it's unreal. Right now I'm on Zoloft and it helps a lot. I'm not that depressed when I'm on it, but I still have no confidence nor do I feel like I can rely on myself for anything.



I was thinking of changing my friends and hanging with preps again. I'm very shy and I figured if I did that people would look at me more different. Do you think the people you hang with effect the way people look at you? Just wondering.



Thanks.
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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by iHEAVENn » Wed Feb 12, 2003 10:52 pm

yes i do believe the people you hang out with have a way of efecting how others look/treat/talk to you. you shouldnt have to change who your friends with to make you feel better about yourself though. first off you need to learn to love yourself for who you are, and not what others think about you. im sure you dont fail at everything you do. you didnt fail by posting this to get help. :) family problems are allways going to be there. sit your dad down and have a long talk with him about what ever the problems are. dont try to change yourself for others. if you want to change it should be for you. :) im here if you need someone to talk to
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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by Carousel » Wed Feb 12, 2003 11:10 pm

The problems with my dad arent going to change. He just wont listen and I'm tired of letting him backstabbing me and such.



My friends are druggys. I mean, only a few I have a relationship with besides drugs. A lot of preps say hi to me. I'm thinking about doing it. I just dunno.
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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by iHEAVENn » Wed Feb 12, 2003 11:36 pm

okay,

well im sorry things arent good with you and your father. i kinda know how that is. if you want to hang out with new people go for it. i think it could be a good self esteem booster for ya. ;) just make sure its something u want to do. :)
[CENTER]Man I wish you just left me alone.... Cause I was almost home.......

.:..::.?? Toga party anyone ??.::..:.

[/CENTER]



[CENTER]-:Logan Jacob:-

-:12-01-2007:-

-:6:21 a.m.:-

-:7 pounds 4 ounces:-

The most precious gift my husband has given to me

[/CENTER]



[CENTER]Image[/CENTER]

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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by Carousel » Wed Feb 12, 2003 11:51 pm

I use to be a prep in the good days.



I think I'm bipolar because my grandma is. Nobody listens and they wont let me take a test for it or anything. I know I am. I have these ups and downs - mainly downs because im very depressed.



I've had these occasional anger outburts and depression since I was 10 or younger. Just this year its gotten worse. Not with the anger, but being depressed. I dont even do anything in school im so depressed. All I can do is think of the hate I have for my father and all the promises and lies he's ever told me and how much I hate myself.



I hate myself... I hate my face... I hate my world... I hate my ways...
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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by iHEAVENn » Thu Feb 13, 2003 12:02 am

im sorry you feel that way :( i hope things can get better for you.

dont hate yourself. you sound nice. just take a break from your life once in awhile and try to ignore whats going on. if you need someone to talk to im here for ya
[CENTER]Man I wish you just left me alone.... Cause I was almost home.......

.:..::.?? Toga party anyone ??.::..:.

[/CENTER]



[CENTER]-:Logan Jacob:-

-:12-01-2007:-

-:6:21 a.m.:-

-:7 pounds 4 ounces:-

The most precious gift my husband has given to me

[/CENTER]



[CENTER]Image[/CENTER]

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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by Carousel » Thu Feb 13, 2003 9:51 pm

Thanks both of you. I'll keep you guys in mind for when something comes up (which will be tommorow prolly because everyday sucks for me) and I need someone to talk to. I'll be here for you guys if you need me.



THANKS!
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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by Carousel » Fri Feb 14, 2003 12:01 am

I've got some grand news. Im gonna buy a bass (I already play electirc) and start a band with my closest friend. Its something to look forward to and Im happy i got something going.
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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by iHEAVENn » Fri Feb 14, 2003 1:39 am

Originally posted by Carousel@Feb 13 2003, 08:01 PM

I've got some grand news. Im gonna buy a bass (I already play electirc) and start a band with my closest friend. Its something to look forward to and Im happy i got something going.


thats great news carousel. i hope everything goes well, and i hope you enjoy playing. :) best of luck with your band. and im glad to hear your happy. :) best of luck.
[CENTER]Man I wish you just left me alone.... Cause I was almost home.......

.:..::.?? Toga party anyone ??.::..:.

[/CENTER]



[CENTER]-:Logan Jacob:-

-:12-01-2007:-

-:6:21 a.m.:-

-:7 pounds 4 ounces:-

The most precious gift my husband has given to me

[/CENTER]



[CENTER]Image[/CENTER]

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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by Carousel » Sat Feb 15, 2003 12:27 am

Sad news.



Today I saw a picture of that girl with her new b/f in the schools newspaper. It showed all the couples and it depressed me. I couldnt stop thinking about it. How much I failed and failed. I started shacking so hard I was so upset.



I am so fuckin close to calling it quits. My life keeps falling apart over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. It's unreal. Why cant there be an end to all of this pain?
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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by iHEAVENn » Sat Feb 15, 2003 1:41 am

sweetie im sorry she has a boyfriend. just hang in there. maybe you and her werent meant to be. keep your head up none of its your fault. dont give up on your life or your self. things will change. just give it time and remember that you have not failed. no one ever fails. just keep your head up. im allways here for you if you need me. :)
[CENTER]Man I wish you just left me alone.... Cause I was almost home.......

.:..::.?? Toga party anyone ??.::..:.

[/CENTER]



[CENTER]-:Logan Jacob:-

-:12-01-2007:-

-:6:21 a.m.:-

-:7 pounds 4 ounces:-

The most precious gift my husband has given to me

[/CENTER]



[CENTER]Image[/CENTER]

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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by Carousel » Sat Feb 15, 2003 11:46 am

I dont think it will ever work out. I think where I went wrong was I pretty much made it obvious that I would do anything for her. I think people like people less when they know someone feels that way.



It just kills me cause If I wasnt so shy and ugly I'd be going with her.



Thanks for replying.
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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by Carousel » Sat Feb 15, 2003 11:50 am

You may laugh at me for this. But I am so shy that sometimes I act like I'm high so I wont be as shy. Gosh, I wish I would quit doing that! GRRR
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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by iHEAVENn » Sat Feb 15, 2003 7:06 pm

dont be hard on yourself. its not your fault she didnt want to go out with you. its her loss. things will work out in the end just give it time. and most girls do like it when they get a guy that likes em like that. just hang in there youll find the right girl eventually. :)
[CENTER]Man I wish you just left me alone.... Cause I was almost home.......

.:..::.?? Toga party anyone ??.::..:.

[/CENTER]



[CENTER]-:Logan Jacob:-

-:12-01-2007:-

-:6:21 a.m.:-

-:7 pounds 4 ounces:-

The most precious gift my husband has given to me

[/CENTER]



[CENTER]Image[/CENTER]

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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by Carousel » Sat Feb 15, 2003 8:40 pm

Thanks. I think this has taught me a huge lesson though. Quit being shy... it gets you nowhere. I don't want to start feeling pity for myself because that changes people.



I havent talked to my dad since he threatned to give me a drug test on the second. He doesnt work on sundays and mondays so if he really cared like he says, he would have atleast called me. I wish I could stand up to the bastard, but he always comes back with the most pleasing words when you think you can. But it's all lies and bullshit you find out later.



I'm going to go out with this girl a few years younger than me who's liked me for awhile. I feel sorry for her because I know exactly how she feels and if I cant make me happy, atleast I can her.



My mom's finally listenning and I'm going to see if I'm bipolar at my next counciling session which is on Wedneseday. I really like my new counciler. I can relate to him because his father left him for a few years when he was younger. One time he broke down in front of me, and though I felt bad for him, I felt reliefed because he feels like I do. It was amazing for me.



Once again, thanks.
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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by iHEAVENn » Sat Feb 15, 2003 8:46 pm

haha lol,

its not your fault your shy. at least your not like completly shy. you came and asked for help, so see your already getting over it :)
[CENTER]Man I wish you just left me alone.... Cause I was almost home.......

.:..::.?? Toga party anyone ??.::..:.

[/CENTER]



[CENTER]-:Logan Jacob:-

-:12-01-2007:-

-:6:21 a.m.:-

-:7 pounds 4 ounces:-

The most precious gift my husband has given to me

[/CENTER]



[CENTER]Image[/CENTER]

User avatar
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Re: I Hate Myself.

Post by Carousel » Sat Feb 15, 2003 8:54 pm

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