My Brain

[four]

I put this in here mostly because I just want to bitch, do not think I will actually do something about these problems.



Well I have been pretty depressed for at least the past 6 months and have been self medicating, first with pot for a good 3 months, ounce a week or so, then with crack, a good $100 a night probably, and recently with at least 15 beers a night and some pot tossed in there.



I have always had tremors in my hands and arms, but they are getting worse now, and now every now and again I have trouble starting and stopping my movement. If I am in a restaurant and a waitress hands me a drink half the time I spill some of it because of the tremors. The other day I was in subway filling up my drink at the fountain and it took a good 2 seconds before I could move my hand back to stop it from overflowing when it was full. I was watching the drink, I saw it almost full, I told myself to move my hand back, but it was not working...



Now I am hallucinating also, while sober. A couple months ago I was driving at night and there were tar lines on the road from where they patched cracks and it transformed into two kids riding bikes, I slowed down before I realized it was not really there. The other day my friend was driving and there was a dead skunk in the road and he goes "What the hell is that" and I say "A fish" because what I was looking at was a fish, I understand that it was a skunk, but when I looked at it it was a fish.



My memory has never been good, but now to remember the day before, even when I was sober, someone has to go into extreme details of somethiing to ring a bell. I will never remember what day, week, hell sometimes even what month it is.



Basically I am going crazy and I do not really want to deal with any doctors, I have had too many fucking bad experiences with those jerks. I do not really know what to do anymore, I guess I am just going to continue what I have been doing...

[nevermindmylife]

well, don't know what to say about the memory thing..



but I think you should go see the doctor about the lack of eye-hand movement coordination and the tremors.. if you're brain is sending the messages in time that is something wrong with your system, and you should go check to make sure nothing is there causing the interference.

[belis]

Have you thought about Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome? Most of your symptoms fit with that and taking into acount those 15 beers a night... If that what it is you are not going crazy, you are just thiamine deficient. I will stop now before I make a mistake of comenting on self medicating of depression with alcohol...

[cuteandplayful]

This sounds really confusing, I dont really know what to think of it. I think if it isnt a disorder of some sort, then its probably caused by the drugs. I'm not talking about the pot, I've recently quit a 6 year streak of smoking pot and I've never had these kind of reactions. Well except for after I got brain damage and I smoked, since I wasnt supposed to smoke for a year and I did anyways. But I think the crack must have had a bad reaction with your brain, it seems to me your having alot of the same problems I did after I got brain damage, with your gross motor skills and such. I know if this were happening to me, I would not hesitate to go to the doctors. I do not like going there either, especially after the accident and I had to live there for awhile, but they can help you! I can assure you, it will NOT be fun or comfortable, admitting to people you may have a problem with something they think is completely idiotic. My accident was caused because I was in the car of a drunk driver, so I know how it feels to have them look down on you for it. But either way, they will be professional and help you because that is what they do. But if you still refuse to go to the doctors, maybe you could get help some other way, thro friends or family, or even on here. People dont always know the right words to say, but most of the time they are willing to listen! I dont know if I helped much, but it really upsets me to hear about your problems, because I know how they feel in a way i guess, and I know they were some of the most scary things I've ever been thro. I hope that if you dont go to the doctors, that you can find the help within yourself or a close companion!