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After The Breakup, Should We Remain Friends?

by | Sep 24, 2003 | Relationships

What happens to the relationship of two people when the relationship ends? Have you ever been involved with someone you genuinely cared about, and loved, and then were left feeling awkward around once the two of you broke up? It hurts sometimes to see someone with whom you were once so close after a break up, and yet to leave each other and sever all ties is equally difficult.

If you decide to try and remain friends, there are a number of difficulties which you may encounter. Mainly, you have to deal with feeling awkward and shy around each other for awhile. Sometimes, just seeing their face can bring back painful memories of the relationship or how and why, it ended. If you feel that they were in the wrong in the relationship, seeing them can bring hostile feelings or angry and hurt feelings to the surface. You may also be at a loss of words with each other because, after all, what do you say to someone you shared a part of yourself with but with whom you no longer have such a close connection? Talking about mundane, everyday things feels wrong somehow because a part of you wants desperately to settle the issues that may lie between you, and you may feel it’s wrong to ignore all the hurt that you each feel. Yet, you don’t know how to bring the past up either, and you’re kind of afraid to even mention anything about the relationship.

At the same time, you still care for each other and, most of the time, there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to sever all ties. You feel awkward around each other, but terribly alone and hurt when you ignore one another. If you’re an overly sensitive, inquisitive person like myself, you may find yourself wondering whether or not they ever truly cared about *you* or just about having a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, if they seem to have no trouble severing all ties with you. Believe me, it’s painful to think that someone you love can simply forget the emotional attachment you shared, overnight.

So, what do you do?

I think that the answer to this question is different for each and every one of us but I, personally, would prefer to remain friends. However awkward I may feel seeing him after the break up, and however much it may hurt, I believe it’s easier than to have to wonder if he ever really cared or if he really can just walk away and forget our bond so easily. Besides, no matter how awkward the meetings may at first be, and no matter how painful it is to see him with someone else, I know that, in time, I, too, will find someone else. With time, the awkwardness between us will go away and we’ll become more comfortable with one another again. Once the initial pain fades and the uncomfortable feelings die, we’re left with a very loyal and true friend, someone who should know us better than most people, and someone we know we can always depend upon.

Also, I know that if I walk away from someone I love and cared about, then, in the long run, I’m going to have to deal with regret and questions about his welfare, and the “what is he doing now?” questions. If I attempt to remain friends, then at least I’ll know I did everything I could to salvage a part of our relationship; the most important part of our relationship, the friendship which drew us together in the first place.

What happens if you want to remain friends but he doesn’t?

If that happens, you can just remind yourself that even though he or she is severing all ties, at least you tried. At least you let him or her know that what the two of you shared meant enough to you that you wanted to try and remain friends. At least you will have done all you could do.

Something that can help a great deal in making the decision is talking to God, because He knows what is best for your life, and for the other person, too. He knows the future, and we don’t, so it’s best to let Him help us make the decision. How do we do that? Pray, read the Bible and see how many of the relationships it describes ended and how many of those relationships stayed on as friends. Above all, be true to yourself, and to your heart because that way, no one, yourself included, will be able to say that you didn’t do the best thing for you.

It’s hard to know which decision to make; sever ties or try and remain friends. Remember that even though your friendship with one another will undoubtedly change, it is still true friendships that last the longest and which mean the most in life.

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