My Dad..

Have you experienced the pain of losing someone close to you? Do you grieve over the death of someone you knew? Here is a safe place to seek support.

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Beautiful
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My Dad..

Post by Beautiful » Thu Dec 01, 2005 8:13 am

Soo. my dad died 12 years ago from this friday. && im still not over it. I was only like, 4 when it happened, but still.. I didnt find out that he ODed & died untill last year. I didnt find out he had an x wife & maybe kids untill a week ago. Wtf. My mom never fucking tells me anything. and i hate it. and she knowssss i hate it. Idk. Sorry. I guess i'm just venting. I hate this time of year. :shy:
Little Miss F*cker,

Don't Move An Inch

Image



I looked at myself

So many things I hate in me

So many things are so hard to believe

I can hear the whole world calling me

Used to be all that i wanted

You to see all that i you to be

does anyone care




Add me.

myspace

*Jamie*



Travis Michael <3.

Born Feb 9th, 2007

He has owns heart. :)

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sbloemeke
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Re: My Dad..

Post by sbloemeke » Thu Dec 01, 2005 4:57 pm

You you were 4, you were too young to know that he ODed. It would tear a little child's heart apart to know that their father wanted to die. And if you read Harry Potter (5), you can see how things progressed with Dumbledore and the dark truth he had to hide. At 5, you were too young, and you can say that until you were about 13. Then, your mom starting running out of those excuses, but was a bit scared to explain it, she just didn't want to... So, she held off for 2 more years before finally letting you know. At 15, she thought, it would not have as big of an effect on the rest of your childhood and life as 4 or 6... She kept the ex-wife out, because it was a secret that both she wanted to hide from you and from herself. That's why that took it longer.
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Toy Soldier
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Re: My Dad..

Post by Toy Soldier » Thu Dec 01, 2005 7:38 pm

Its always hard around anniversaries and especially around Christmas. I agree with sbloemeke on the reasons why it took you long to find out how he died. You never get over a death, but the pain does ease with time. Can you talk with your mum about your dad on his anniversary? And visit his grave or go to where his ashes were scattered etc?



I'm here if you need to talk.



:hug:



~*~Ruth~*~
Ruth I was forgotten, I won't be forgotten, never again... says:

lol, dont think they have tigers on farmsthough :/



Angel Breaks says:

i was thinkin that but fuck it macdonald was progressive he knew tigers were the future

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Beautiful
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Re: My Dad..

Post by Beautiful » Fri Dec 02, 2005 1:12 am

*sigh* tonight totally fucking blew for me. It just really hit me. Nobody understands the pain i feel. I wonder sometimes what it would be like if he was still here. and i wonder sometimes if i should die...

Ugh. I just .. Dont get it. At all.

And tongiht, was one of the worst nights ever. I cant stop crying.

And btw, my mom never told me he ODed.. my grandma told me.. which sucked even more. :[

Im going to visit his grave tonight or tomarrow...

I wrote him a letter. I know, its useless. but maybe if there is a god and heaven maybe...just maybe. he'll get to it. I dont know. Im stupid :bag:
Little Miss F*cker,

Don't Move An Inch

Image



I looked at myself

So many things I hate in me

So many things are so hard to believe

I can hear the whole world calling me

Used to be all that i wanted

You to see all that i you to be

does anyone care




Add me.

myspace

*Jamie*



Travis Michael <3.

Born Feb 9th, 2007

He has owns heart. :)

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Barbies are Evil
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Re: My Dad..

Post by Barbies are Evil » Fri Dec 02, 2005 6:55 am

you are not stupid sweetheart.....i wrote my sister all kinds of letters after she died. and your gonna have bad hours and bad days, but I doubt your dad would want you to repeat his mistake and kill yourself. and this isn't about your mom or grandma, although that is messed up. this is about you, your pain and your grieving process. post back and let us know how visiting his grave was sweetheart. also, let your boyfriend comfort you. if he cares and deserves you he'll be there for you every step of this way.
TJ[10:13 PM]: no not really..... it's all so.... like wow..... screw steps, you took a fuckin jet pack and strapped it on yourself and rocketed your way forward (thats my big bro)







And I'm going to extremes



Tomorrow I will change



And today won't mean a thing



I'm a bitch, I'm a tease



I'm a goddess on my knees



When you hurt, when you suffer



I'm your angel undercover



I've been numb, I'm revived



Can't say I'm not alive



You know I wouldn't want it any other way



Meredith Brooks-Bitch

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Saren
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Re: My Dad..

Post by Saren » Sat Dec 03, 2005 3:27 pm

I can see this is hard for you, Jamie, and I understand where you get feeling like that. But to kill yourself? That's never a perfect solution. He never did this to see his child do it too. I'm sure he would want you to live on. If his spirit were to appear to you, he'd probably tell you to go on because he wants to see his daughter is strong, ((which we know she is <3 after all the pain she's expressed to us, we see she can still hold through)) and that he does love you. He knows you are strong, I'm sure. No matter where he is, in spirit form, or up in Heaven (If you believe so), he will miss you and can't wait to see what kinds of good things you can do in your life.



It isn't dumb at all that you have wrote him a letter. Many many many people do that. I remember drawing something for my grandfather after he died, and I put it in his casket. Most the people at the Wake did. That is a very common thing to do. It helps us vent, and it is seen that if you pass that on with them, they'll take all the love, and the messages with them even after they are gone.



It's okay to be upset about this because he was your father, no matter how old you were. And just because you were told when you were older does not mean your mother doesn't care to tell you anything. Like sbloemeke said, it's harder for a child when they're 4 years old. Sometimes parents wait until you're 16 or a little bit older until they can tell you the truth, for reasons being, it's harder when you're a tot. This way you can sort your mind and know that there was a good reason you weren't told, whether it was your grandmother or not. Didn't mean your mother never planned on telling you.

Jamie, you're 16. You've still got a long way to go. And your mother did tell you the other part probably for the reasons we've said. It can be hard on the both of you.



And yes, please tell us how your visit went.



<3

"S"
<3

My beautiful baby girl

Autumn E. R-K.

Born on: February 26th, 2007

<3



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"Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief."


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Toy Soldier
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Re: My Dad..

Post by Toy Soldier » Sun Dec 04, 2005 7:21 pm

Writing letters to your Dad is'nt stupid-like Erin and Sam said, it helps you vent and stuff. I write letters to my mum, and more than likely that they do read them...it can help us clear our minds and think more clearly when we write it down.



Jamie, please don't kill yourself. Your Dad certainly would not want you to-more than likely he would be distressed at the thought that you would kill yourself.



I sometimes think what would my life be like if my mum was still alive-the thing is though you're still alive and thinking 'whatif's' does'nt help because you can't change your past.



How did your visit go?



*hugs*



~*~Ruth~*~
Ruth I was forgotten, I won't be forgotten, never again... says:

lol, dont think they have tigers on farmsthough :/



Angel Breaks says:

i was thinkin that but fuck it macdonald was progressive he knew tigers were the future

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Barbies are Evil
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Re: My Dad..

Post by Barbies are Evil » Tue Dec 06, 2005 1:04 pm

how did visiting his grave go? reply sweetie, I would love to hear from you.
TJ[10:13 PM]: no not really..... it's all so.... like wow..... screw steps, you took a fuckin jet pack and strapped it on yourself and rocketed your way forward (thats my big bro)







And I'm going to extremes



Tomorrow I will change



And today won't mean a thing



I'm a bitch, I'm a tease



I'm a goddess on my knees



When you hurt, when you suffer



I'm your angel undercover



I've been numb, I'm revived



Can't say I'm not alive



You know I wouldn't want it any other way



Meredith Brooks-Bitch

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Beautiful
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Re: My Dad..

Post by Beautiful » Tue Dec 06, 2005 1:33 pm

It went okay. I didn't want to go with my mom. I went with my boyfriend, instead. I put the thing I wrote to him on his grave. && Then I left. :-/ I feel better about it though..Thanks for asking hunny :)
Little Miss F*cker,

Don't Move An Inch

Image



I looked at myself

So many things I hate in me

So many things are so hard to believe

I can hear the whole world calling me

Used to be all that i wanted

You to see all that i you to be

does anyone care




Add me.

myspace

*Jamie*



Travis Michael <3.

Born Feb 9th, 2007

He has owns heart. :)

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Barbies are Evil
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Re: My Dad..

Post by Barbies are Evil » Tue Dec 06, 2005 8:35 pm

i'm glad you feel better about it now sweetie.
TJ[10:13 PM]: no not really..... it's all so.... like wow..... screw steps, you took a fuckin jet pack and strapped it on yourself and rocketed your way forward (thats my big bro)







And I'm going to extremes



Tomorrow I will change



And today won't mean a thing



I'm a bitch, I'm a tease



I'm a goddess on my knees



When you hurt, when you suffer



I'm your angel undercover



I've been numb, I'm revived



Can't say I'm not alive



You know I wouldn't want it any other way



Meredith Brooks-Bitch

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Saren
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Re: My Dad..

Post by Saren » Fri Dec 09, 2005 5:24 pm

That's good. I'm glad to hear that it went all right. See? It felt good to write that letter, didn't it? :)
<3

My beautiful baby girl

Autumn E. R-K.

Born on: February 26th, 2007

<3



Image

----------------------

"Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief."


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Beautiful
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Re: My Dad..

Post by Beautiful » Fri Dec 09, 2005 5:59 pm

haha, yeah <3
Little Miss F*cker,

Don't Move An Inch

Image



I looked at myself

So many things I hate in me

So many things are so hard to believe

I can hear the whole world calling me

Used to be all that i wanted

You to see all that i you to be

does anyone care




Add me.

myspace

*Jamie*



Travis Michael <3.

Born Feb 9th, 2007

He has owns heart. :)

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