Socially Challenged?!

[hopeless_]

I haven't been shy all my life, I was the annoying (in a good way, if there is such a thing) kid who was always full of energy and interrupted class once in a while, but never really pissed off someone to complete explosion of fights or cussing endlessly. But from my 12 years of age and on, I became less talkative, less social, and gradually, I could not have a normal flowing conversation with a stranger or someone I just met, and it just became small question & answer with the awkward silence in between.



I didn't get too upset at first, I just believed it wasn't entirely me causing this discomfort. But just a week ago, I went to Scotland for a work experience in a hospital, just before medical school, and well, I definitely figured out that it IS me. I got introduced in the doctor's room, and they were discussing something, so ofcourse everyone went quiet, and I felt all eyes on me, I could not bare it, I was so embarrassed. But just quietly sat down and kept looking down, because I was afraid of having the confirmation that everyone WAS staring at me. And when the PRHOs talked to me, about school and stuff, or about what the patient we were currently visiting had, and I felt pretty shitty because when I asked something back it was like... "so, what is his medication?!" DOH!!!!! and he did answer of course, but do I know anything about that?!?! NO... he probably thought :"yeah, trying to sound like you know what you are asking..." and he was right. I just want to people to not judge me, but everytime I enter a conversation I can't help that they are thinking something completely nasty and cruel and TRUE about me, so I shut up, and it turns into an awkward silence... yet again... I hate it, and it IS me, and I don't know what to do. and don't suggest therapy because i'm sick of that asnwer and the logic that, that is the only answer to problems. I hate psychiatrists, and ironically enough that's what I want to do... but NOT BE THE PATIENT! I just need help on this because this is already bad enough in school, and it's going to screw me up later in life for sure... help? :'(

[turtbub]

Andy,



I'm sorry you're feeling this way, sweetie. It's an awful place to be.



Did something happen when you were 12 that changed you? A traumatic experience or someone insulting you, something like that? Because if you find the root of where this is all coming from you may be able to (slowly) undo the affects of it.



About the worrying that people are judging you when you talk to them. Andy, people are ALWAYS going to be nicer to yourself than you are. It's just human nature. We judge ourselves and worry about others opinions and you know what? We are harder on ourselves than they EVER will be.



Before you go into a room with a lot of people say to yourself, I am strong and perfect just the way I am. No one has any right to put me down, including myself.



And see if that helps.



Take care of yourself, Andy. And you PM me anytime you need to, okay? I miss talking to you.



All my love, Hannah

[XTorn2PiecesLPX]

Hey Andy, im so sorry this is happening. That must be extreamly hard to deal with. But i dont think that everyone is making fun of you or judging you when they are speaking to you. You shouldnt be so hard on yourself. Do what Hannah said, before you go into a room with a person or peopld just tell yourself that your great and you CAN do this. Good luck.



-Molly

[hopeless_]

well, I try, and tell myself, they are thinking of something else, not you. But you know the feeling you get when someone is staring at you, or looking at you, and you become completely conscious of what you are doing, and standing and even breathing. You start TRYING to act normal, when you were just fin before, and so you start doing everything wrong because you started thinking about people watching you... sigh I don't know, I just need to get som confidence in myself. But hey, coming here is always good therapy I guess

And Hannah, I miss talking to you too, I'll PM you.

Take care you guys, thanks a lot

[turtbub]

I know just what you mean Andy. You'll suddenly feel self concious about EVERYTHING and you end up being really stiff and uncomfortable, when you're just trying to look normal to those staring.



But you're also right that you just need to build up some confidence in yourself. You're a fabulous guy. Don't you forget it.



I look forward to your PM.