My brother was killed in a construction accident about 2 and a half years ago. I was 18 at the time, and he was 19 - so yes, we were very close in age. We grew up together and most of the time we didn't get along...i knwo this is normal, but he had some issues that caused him to be violent on occassion. Anyway, when he died i was devistated to say the least. About 2 months after he passed, i went to college, and ever since i've been trying to get on with my life. Not a day goes by that i don't think of him and regret the way things were and the way i acted. I forgave him a long time ago for the way he was, but i can't seem to forgive myself. I'm also very angry that he died, b/c it wasn't just a freak accident that took his life, it was a bad decision that he made, and i'm sure he knew that what he was doing was stupid. I've never been to the accident sight, but i go to his grave every couple of months. I just don't know how to move on and it's almost like a handicap on my life. I think i'm okay for a while, but i always break down again and it still hurts just as much as the day he died. I still can't believe he's gone, and i don't know how to accept it. I mean in a way i have accepted it b/c i know he's not coming back...but sometimes i just don't believe it. All i really want is to be okay with my brothers passing and know that it's okay to move on with my life. If there is anyone out there who has been through similiar circumstances or has any suggestions i would love to hear them (btw, please don't suggest counseling...been there, done that). In a few months will be his 3rd yr anniversary, and i know that the grieving process takes some time, but i also feel as if my time for grieving his loss is coming to an end...i mean, my friends get tired of hearing about it (actually i don't even talk about it at all anymore) b/c it's like "okay..yea you should be used to him being gone by now..." so yea, again, any help would be appriciated.
Thanks

~Andi~