A Broken Heart Love Story

[missy177]

There is this guy in are school. And everyine likes him because he is so cute. And this year he sat right next to me and I promised myself that I would not let myself get close to him because of my leukemia I did not want to hurt myself or him. But latley I have let myself get to close I reallly like him and I think that he likes me alot too! He knows about the leukemia yet he still grows closer. A wall lies between us and I really don't want it there. I want to be with him but I am afraid that I will hurt him or he will hurt me and that is the last thing I need. I do not like him because he is cute though I like him because he is funny and smart, and nice, and he cares he cares about me more then my friends do. And I can vent out my feelings to him and he will listen. I did not feel well in school and he was all over me about going to the nurse and visiting the doctor. He said the next time I was in the hospital that he wanted to visit me. And he has the most beautiful big brown eyes and whenever he talks to me he looks me in the eye. I am scared to get close to him because I am afraid that my next boyfriend might be my last! And although I am young I think that I am falling in love with him and he is falling in love with me. I am in depression because of it and I can not go a single moment of the day without thinking

of him. And at night I cry myself to sleep he is the only thing that brings joy to my day. Or if I do not see him deep depression. What should I do he lingers in my dreams and thoughts. My heart is breaking the larger the wall grows and I so desperatly want him to jump on the same side as me before time runs out but I can not find the words to say it. My heart and mind can not agree on what to do. I am afraid of love the one time that I am going through it! Any Help?

[Sam!]

Missy,



Just because you are currently ill does not mean your life needs to stop in the meantime or that you do not deserve to be loved in the same way that others do. Do not fear hurting anyone.



It sounds like this boy really contributes positively to your life and you need the positive energy that he brings you at this time more than ever. Don't shy away.



You're very brave and considerate and self-sacrificing to think this through so carefully with his best interests in mind - but if you care about each other so much, it's in both of your best interests to pursue that.

[Kit]

The wall you seem to be talking about is that he is "normal" - not sick. People who have their lives lingering in the balance of life and death live apart from others because those "normal" people don't understand. They will never go through it. I stongly urge you to realize that suffering from depression while suffering the way you are, will not help and that if he wasn't aware of the possibilities/statistics/what if's, he wouldn't be hanging around. He know's what he's doing. Have a little more faith in YOURSELF and HIM. Just like Sam said - you deserve to love and be loved just like everyone else. Don't give up.

[InnocenceLost57]

Missy,



I can relate somewhat to your situation, but from the other side of things. My girlfriend of almost 6 months has RSD, a chrinic pain condition that is incurable and limits a lot of what she can do. She has a machine implanted in her spinal cord that takes away a lot of the pain, but she still has trouble with some things - she can't work too hard physically, has 'bad hand days' where she can't grip things, gets muscle spasms a lot, and has a lot of other related health problems (including her legs sometimes turning blue, which is interesting).



I know this condition is incurable, and that she will be sick for the rest of her life, but I stay with her because of the wonderful person that she is. Her illness doesn't matter to me, the only times it comes up are when she's limited in some way where I need to help her, which I don't mind doign at all, or when I want to make sure she's OK. So if this boy does indeed like you, hopefully he won't let any illness get in the way and just like you for the person you are.



So don't worry about being ill at all - it can affect relationships less than you'd think. I'd say don't worry so much, and enjoy your time with him. It is possible.

[four]

I hate to butt in on another topic, since this does not pertain to the original poster, but in response to the last post, I was diagnosed with RSD at 17, and went through more than a year of severe chronic pain. After finding a good pain management doctor, and through lots of painkillers and just being able t move around again, I have beaten it. I am now no longer on painkillers and do hard labor for work every day.

[missy177]

Thank you to all that posted, your advice has been extremely great and very helpful. I can not believe how incredibly strong some of you are. And it makes me happy to hear that there are people (couples) in this world that deal with illnesses every day and they still manage to get the best out of their love. To the user four I am so glad that you were so strong through your illness and shows that it definetly paid off. I am glad to hear that you are doing well. And wether or not you know it your story did have something to do with this post because it teaches people to be strong and just maybe they will make it through. And to the user InnocenceLost57 give my blessings to your girlfriend and I am sorry to hear that she has that pain. But it is encouraging to hear that you remain so strong with her and help her through the pain and more importently stayed with her. And to the user kit telling me that I deserve to love and be loved that post made my day. Because I walk around telling myself " I will be as normal as I can be" and that post really helped me to see that I still deserve a life like everyone elses. And thank you sam for bringing to my etention that my life does not have to stop and that it can move on and I can live life just like everyone else lives theirs maybe even better! So again thank you to you all for your encourageing and very helpful posts!