Okay, I used to use this site a lot more when i was younger.. and here i find myself coming back to it.
anyway--
my boyfriend and i have been together eleven months... he knows that i do not like him going out to parties and stuff and he still does it.
what should i do? i told him that i didnt want him to go to a party with his brother and he still did it. i dont know whether or not to let him go to these things... is it wrong of me to dissapprove or not? he did go to a strip club once and he told me a day later. i told him if he goes or does anything that i dont like i would break up with him.. i dont know how to feel anymore am i the wrong one? any help!
thanks!!!
boyfriend goes to parties?
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Lena
- Veteran
- Posts: 8551
- Joined: Thu Mar 11, 2004 12:03 pm
Re: boyfriend goes to parties?
Hmm. I would urge you to think about this from other perspectives before you come to any conclusions....
If your boyfriend banned you from going to certain places socially and said that he would break up with you if you did, how would you react?
If I was in those shoes, I'd be hurt that I wasn't trusted, and I'd feel disrespected by being told that, in effect, I'm not free to make my own decisions - I can only do what my partner says - which is very controlling.
May I ask why you dislike him going to parties/clubs? Is it because you think he might cheat on you? (You mentioned strip clubs, which lead me to think other women might be the issue). If so, I would address and resolve that issue of trust, rather than saying that you don't want him going out. Relationships are based on trust, and if its not there, the relationship may as well not exist.
My husband is in America right now, I'm in the UK. Like most other adults in their twenties we both enjoy going to bars and clubs. Unfortunately at the moment we have to do it separately - so we both just tell each other to 'go and enjoy yourself with your friends' and know that we can trust each other. I wouldn't be married to him (or call it a marriage) if there wasn't that trust there.
I totally agree that it is acceptable to dislike him going to strip clubs and looking at other women. Some women are okay with/can tolerate it, and others find it disrespectful to them and totally unnacceptable. Whichever way your views go, he should respect that - if he can't, you're probably both (respectively) with the wrong person. Those views don't often change.
I don't think you're wrong to feel how you do - feelings are totally valid and they
should not be ignored. But I do think theres more than one way to address how you feel and resolve it, if that makes sense?
Take care,
Lena.
If your boyfriend banned you from going to certain places socially and said that he would break up with you if you did, how would you react?
If I was in those shoes, I'd be hurt that I wasn't trusted, and I'd feel disrespected by being told that, in effect, I'm not free to make my own decisions - I can only do what my partner says - which is very controlling.
May I ask why you dislike him going to parties/clubs? Is it because you think he might cheat on you? (You mentioned strip clubs, which lead me to think other women might be the issue). If so, I would address and resolve that issue of trust, rather than saying that you don't want him going out. Relationships are based on trust, and if its not there, the relationship may as well not exist.
My husband is in America right now, I'm in the UK. Like most other adults in their twenties we both enjoy going to bars and clubs. Unfortunately at the moment we have to do it separately - so we both just tell each other to 'go and enjoy yourself with your friends' and know that we can trust each other. I wouldn't be married to him (or call it a marriage) if there wasn't that trust there.
I totally agree that it is acceptable to dislike him going to strip clubs and looking at other women. Some women are okay with/can tolerate it, and others find it disrespectful to them and totally unnacceptable. Whichever way your views go, he should respect that - if he can't, you're probably both (respectively) with the wrong person. Those views don't often change.
I don't think you're wrong to feel how you do - feelings are totally valid and they
should not be ignored. But I do think theres more than one way to address how you feel and resolve it, if that makes sense?
Take care,
Lena.
Woman can not live on tea or chocolate alone.... but she can give it a damn good try.