Need some advice.

[L3x]

Alright, well I've been with my girlfriend for almost 10 months now (it'll be 10 in a week) and everything is fine for the most part, I really do love her, and she loves me (I can tell that). but there is some major stuff thats been bothering me lately, and I'm not really sure what to do about it.



me and her have had our problems like any other relationship has and we worked through them, and she still thinks I'm worked through this, but truthfully I'm not.



The whole thing is this, when me and her got together I was 17 and she was 16, I was a virgin when I met her, was never in a serious relationship really, and to be totally honest she is only the 2nd girl I have even kissed, I've always lived a pretty straight-edged life, I don't drink, I don't do any drugs, the only thing I do is smoke.



The basic thing thats always bothering me, is her past. She's been with 3 other guys sexually (and I don't know otherwise, I think shes had maybe 2 boyfriends before me), and use to do some light drugs and alcohol before me, I changed all that and got her into a better life style, which I am happy to see.



But, the basic thing is, me and her are technically engaged, and it just frustrates me so bad that while I'm not religious I was waiting to find someone who I actually loved to be with sexually, not the marriage part, I just wanted that special kind of thing where its both each others first and whatever, and it kills me inside to even think of her having been with anyone else.



About a year and a half before she met me she was raped (as I mentioned earlier about the whole drugs and alcohol thing, someone slipped something into her drink) but I don't even care about that, its the other 2 that she willingly had sex with, and the one shes just done handjobs/whatever with, that really bothers me, I know its the past, I know I should get over it, but I can't, no matter how hard I try and try to forget it, it just doesn't work. I love her, I want things to work out so I keep things to myself now to avoid fights, which I know is bad as well.



It's just like, I know from her point of view that she thinks that when she got raped she lost her virginity, but I myself never considered it that way, and its just so hard to deal with it, and I knew all of this before I even got together with her, but for some odd reason it didn't bother me as much, maybe its because the feelings have grown deeper and stronger, I don't know, but it eats me up everday, and it doesn't help that I know details, as in like exactly what shes done with whom and the places she has done them. And honestly, I feel neglected/left out since I'm the one she wants to spend her life with but yet I didn't get anything, like any kind of thing that she hasn't already done with someone else, so I'm always constantly thinking "the first time with her was special, but what would have it been like if it would've been both of ours? how much more special would have it been?" I know I sound like a jerk for this, and honestly I feel bad for even thinking it all, and I know its ridicioulous in a way, but its still something that lingers on my mind and bothers me, the same way with other parts of her past that I don't agree with, but this is just to more of an extent, I've gotten over everything but this, and I just don't know how.



I just feel kind of cheatd out on something I should've had and experienced, the other thing that gets me is that despite me not asking really, was her explaining to me exactly what happened with who and where, and how like, this actually caused quite a big arguement, because these were just people she was FRIENDS with, and had no romantic or other feelings for, and it kills me even more knowing that. And it's just stuff like that basically.



I'd like to apologise for the text walls, its late, its stuff on my mind, and I'm just trying to vent and get some opinions. Thanks in advance for any opinions or advice, I just don't know where else to turn, I've searched through my own mind for solutions but I come up blank with it.

[Barbies are Evil]

I know the feeling of wanting to wait until you found someone special, someone your in love with to have sex, cause thats what i'm doing. Honestly though, a lot of what your talking about you can't change........have you talked to her about any of this? I honestly think this could make or break your relationship, but if it breaks it, you'll know that no matter how much you love her, it wasn't meant to be.

[Cindy]

[L3x]

I have talked to her about it somewhat, but all it ever ends with is her reassuring me shes only with me, that she can't change the past, etc, etc, which I already know, I know there is no way to "fix it" really, I'm just more trying to find a way to deal with it on my own terms and still keep things going on.



Trying to ease my mind on the whole situation more or less. I did try talking to her a bit about it again yesterday and she explained to me the whole reason she did it was because she wanted to get the rape experience to kind of settle to the back of her mind so she wouldn't always think that sex=the same thing. And I can kind of understand her reasoning for it, and I can understand what you were saying Cindy, that does make sense if I put all the things shes said together, then thats exactly it. No one believed her that she got raped, her mom called her all kinds of names, as did her dad and everyone else that knew about it pretty much, I didn't know her at the time, she told me that had that not happened she was waiting. So I don't know, I just have to work through this myself mostly. I appreciate the input and stuff and the ability to atleast vent my mind out completely here, even its just rambling walls of text, lol.



In a lot of ways, I wish I would have met her sooner, but then in others I know a lot of her past experiences have changed her immensely from the person she use to be into the person I love today. So it's an odd situation, I really just need a way to forget things, but its hard to.

I mean she was still talking to one of the guys (the one she hadn't actually had sex with but done other stuff with) up until about 2-3 months into our relationship and was still hanging out with him and stuff. And the other 2 I have no idea, but I know for a fact they were both on her myspace until I told her it upset me that she'd still have those people on there, even after me and her were together. I'm also a bit insecure because these people shes been with, they all have had similar personalities and looks and interests and everything else as me, so it makes it hard to believe that she had no feelings at all, and thats honestly the main thing. Especially when she claims that I am her first love.

[ButterflyGurl15]

I thnk dat u should respect her n luv her regardless of her past. Ppl mak mistakes n she made a couple. As long as she doesnt hav a STD, actualy pregnant, or sexualy involved wit sum1; let da past go n move forward. Dnt feel guilty 4 questionin her past bcuz ITS OK. Jus understand where shes cumin 4rm. She realy needs u emotionally, physically n mentally. Hpe i was help 2 u. Hit me up at s_paporlonte@yahoo.com if u need anymor advice.