Is Somethin Wrong With Me?

[kitrena]

I always feel the need to try and be better.. like for everyone else.. i feal i must be prettier for my friends. lately it's been my image.. the way i look.. i've been fealin that i need to loose weight.. have a beautiful stomach.. look tanner.. have a good happy go lucky attitude.. be everything that everyone wants me to me.





I had surgery a little less then a month ago.... it was a simple procedure.. but if i didnt get it. i would of died (sometimes i think i shouldnt have gotten it.. maybe i shoulda died).. they took my apendix out.. and since i couldnt eat before the surgery (over 38 hours) i lost 5 pounds in a week cause i couldnt eat n e ways... after my surgery all i was aloud to do was lay around and eat.. i've gained 10 pounds.. everyone says i still look great n that i was to skinny n e ways.. but i feal like i'm jus going to keep gettin bigger and bigger. when i tell my friends they think i'm jus jokin .. i feal horrible.. or that i can always improve myself. like i still need to improve.. last night i went nuts about it. and i cut myself.. trien to make myself better.. WHATS WRONG WITH ME!

[Dobby]

First of all, allow me to help explain your one week weight loss and weight gain. Before going into surgery, at least when I have my appendix taken out, they did the same thing to me, a liquid diet. And then I think it was 12 hours before, nothing. Now, Let's think about this. When you weight yourself, there is usueally, some food in your stomach correct? On your fasting for a surgery, you have noting in your stomach so therefore, you weigh less. Also, now this is a little gross but yet true, (what's the best way to put this) ah got it. when you eat solid foods, it creats a waste produce in fecal matter. This too carries weight. Going on a liquid or no food diet causes you tro have no fecal matter thus less weight. And you know what, sometimes we're full of shit. If you don't believe me on the last part, as weird as this may sound, weigh yourself befor and after you go to the bathroom, it should be a pound or two different. Hopefully that helps explain the weight loss.



I got to run, school starts in 30 mins, but I'll post back when I get home tonight and talk with u some more. Of course you can always e-mail me at [email protected] Your choice, my door is almost always open.

[kitrena]

ok i get that part.. but i can see more fat around my stomach and hips... and i still feal like i need to look better in my face .. i feal i have to be sexier for someone to like me.. i have to be better..

[Dobby]

Sorry, it has been a long day. Any who.......... I know where you come from on this, as do many many others out there on HT. There is always that feeling of "If I could do this would people like me more?" or "If I could change this on me would he/she like me more?" I don't believe there is a single person out there in the world that hasn't had that feeling at one time or another, I know I have. I've always wanted to be better at sports in general. If you don't play sports at my school, at least somewhat well, you don't fit in. So there was my wish.



But looking at your wish, let me see how I understand it. You feel you aren't noticed and by looking better physically, and in the face, you believe that will ultimately help you hitch up with someone? Hopefully I'm on the right track here. If not correct me. The thing is, and I agree, first impressions are very important. Usually they are based on looks too. If you meet someone that is only after you for your looks though, my thought on that has been, will they really ever take the time to get the real you, or just seeing a beautiful person in front of them, accept them as perfect? I've met with people with good personality but not body, and many people with good in bodies but not personality. To summarize, since this is getting very long, humans are not 2-D things, meaning we don't just have a front and a back to look at. Actually, we're not ever a 3-D thing. We are 4-D items. Are object consisting in the origional 3-D world (physical) but then we have a whole other world of emotions inside us. If only everyone could realize this, life could be a lot eazier, and no one we be under the pressure you or I am today. Did this help at all, because sometimes I have a problem of just saying nonsense.



Dobby

[kitrena]

ya you are on the right track, i guess i just want more attention, or for someone to notice me.. this weekend i'm gettin my other nipple peirced and i'm dien my hair and going tannin. and when i come to school hopefully i look better.. i dont know if i should keep trien to be better. or do u think if i keep trien to be better. i'll just make myself worse? if that makes n e sense

[Dobby]

Ya know, doing things like that is a very sticky situation. Looking at that from one prespective, sometimes it makes people feel better about themselves because, say you just want to spice up your life for a little bit, then doing things like dyeing your hair can do that. On that same token though, you need to make sure you are only doing these things for you and only you. Will doing these things make you feel better, or are you doing it to make others notice you? Another thing to remember is, that at least the two things you.ve told me here, that if you decide at any point that this is not really you, you can stop the train and get off. You can easily take out the rings and let your hair turn back to its normal color, or try and dye it back to its origional color.



REMEMBER: before you do this though, make sure you're doing it for you and only you!



Your partner in crime

Dobby

[Shy]

sorry to interupt the personal convo... but i just had a few things to say and i'll be on my way, unless u needed to talk to me about anything more... but anyways back to my "few things to say"...

You my friend are headed for a huge...huge self distruction.... i have had friends, girls to be exact, who couldn't see wat they were doing to themselves, always thought they're fat and wouldn't listen to anyone and just ended up destroying their bodies... now one of them can't eat almost anything because her body rejects it all and all she is left w/ is bone and no one really want to even look at her, that's how bad she looks, but being as we were friends before i still am friends w/ her, and then there's my X... well she was exactly how u r now... she was always worrying about her weight and she always thought she was fat and this girl was 5' 6" and weigh 115lb, trust me... it wasn't fun holding her and everytime she moved one way all u see is the bones sticking out... it was bad, and then i finally helped her to see wat she was doing to herself, and now she's a lot healthier than before and i am soo glad that she was able to see wat she was doing to herself before she ended up hurting herself. I hope for ur sake, u do open ur eyes to see wat ur doing, although ur story might be a bit different, it seems like very similar...

but anyways... i could keep going on but that wouldn't be no fun, i'm a man of get to the point as soon as possible..so i'll cut it short here...

But if u ever feel like wanting to talk... I have AIM MSN and Yahoo... so if u want my sn just give me a pm and i'll send u my sn to which ever one u want...



Take Care

~~Shy

[lordoftheunderworld]

u sound like a lot of people i know. u see were are raised around a society that tells us we arnt perfect and that we cant be but that we should try anyways so its quite normal but dont do anything drastic if u need to talk more i am here a lot. so talk to me.

[Halo_n_Horns]

wanting to make an effort for other peoples sake is not a bad thing - however it is meant to make you feel better, not worse and this is clearly becoming an obsession (to be what others want you to be.)

It is natural to eat a lot after something such as an operation, when you havent eaten for a long time- you will become more regular with your eating. If you are really concerned about your eating, then ensure that you have 3 main meals a day- breakfast, lunch and dinner. If you eat a substantial amount in all 3 of these, then try not to snack in between.

I am sure you are not fat! So dont panic about that- and someone somewhere will like you exactly as you are...dont change yourself for others, because it may seem worth it but trust me- it isnt in the end.

Be yourself....If that is you in your avvy, then you are pretty. Do not worry or be self consious as most young girls have appearance issues- and none of them are as ugly as they think they are!!!

Vicki xXx

[Infinity Lad]

Edit.



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