Well first off it has to do with my dad. He's in jail right now. He was arrested for violating his probation due to his being arrested for a DWI. When I was younger the alcoholism wasn't as bad but once when I got a little older (like 10) he became a mean and angry drunk. He used to say really awful things to my sister, mom, and I. He nearly destroyed our family but my parents finally got a divorce and the three of us became and unstoppable trio. Now my dad gets 2 hours worth of visits a week. I visited him last week with my mom. It was kind of weird and I'm just not sure how much I really want to visit him again. I can't figure out why that is. The visit was fine, him and I were really close until the alcoholism got really bad, and when he was sober and staying with us and it was really great. He's sober in jail (obviously) so it's the father I remember and love but I just can't figure out why I don't really want to visit him again. He'll be in there for 6 months and be back around Christmas.
Okay second major issue. Men!
Alright well at my job there are these 2 guys that are pretty much known players. One guy is honest about while the other isn't. The honest one well lets call him G and the one who's not we'll call him B. Now I used to have a thing for both G and B. I like G for a little bit but then he quit and we just kind of stopped talking then B started working there and I liked him but again he became a complete player and kind of a jerk when it came to relationships so I eventually got over him. G came back to the job about 2 months ago so we've been talking again. But lately both of them have been acting really strange towards me. Like the other night G and I were flirting through text messages (we always flirt though, that's our friendship lol) and he started getting pretty serious about it saying how much he wanted me to come over his house so we could have sex and he just kept going on. But when I told him I didn't want to he told me that it was fine and he didn't want to push me into anything. Then later on that weekend some girl called me from his phone telling me how nasty I was and that I should "go fuck myself" and how I would never get G and how he doesn't like me and so on. So I asked him about it and he said it was explained to him after his hangover and took care of the problem and he flat out told me that he's not ready to settle down with anyone; which I'm just glad that he told me before I got too invested into our "relationship" which I was honestly starting to and I really started to like him again but I've pretty much stopped that nonsense.Now the story about B. (sorry this is so long) Alright well B had started texting me a lot just before that girl called me and we would pick on each other constantly. Then one night we were talking online about the whole G situation and we started talking about sex. He told me that he lost his virginity not too long ago and that it wasn't too bad. Then he started talking about how he wanted to be my first and that he would be gentle with me and so on. He mentioned coming over that night (it was like 1am) and I told him that he could but there would be no sex. And he got kind of angry with me asking me "well what would we do? what's the point? what's the big deal if you lose it now? I promise you'll like it." and so on. So he basically told me that he was coming over to my house anyways and that we gonna have sex. So I texted him after he sent me one saying "I'm horny I hope you are too sexy" telling him my mom had woken up. (she really had) and he got pushy telling me to give her benadryls and just wait a bit or I could just sneak out and go over to his house and so on. So finally I just told him that if he was that horny then he should just go home and masturbate. Finally he went home. But I was extremely freaked out all night. Like I thought I kept hearing noises and everything and every time my blanket moved I jumped and thought it was someone touching me or something. Well he pretty much keeps texting me. He's gotten better about backing off with the sex stuff though.
So I went to my manager whom I've been friends with for awhile now. I mean I've worked with him for 3 years now and him and I have become really good friends. He's 27 though. But like I can tell he really cares about me like today we were getting the results of my mom's blood tests and he knew how nervous I was about it so he called me to see if I was okay and how we were doing and so on. Like it was really sweet. I told him what had happened with G and with B and he got pretty mad. He told me that if it got even worse then I can't be afraid to talk to him or any of the other managers because they all love me and will protect me. and I kind of laughed and jokingly asked if he was gonna beat them up for me and he said he would if he had to but he would rather not but again if they didn't back off then he would. And he kind of started picking on me saying I need to become more mean and everything and that I was too nice. It was really nice actually. Well I don't know how many of you know this story. But him and I had made out a little over a year ago and I guess he had feelings for me (we were really drunk when it happened). But I told him I didn't. Which was a slight lie because I wasn't sure how I felt I mean I knew I kind of liked him but he's 9 years older and back then he used to drink ALL the time; which he's gotten better about now. But lately I've been thinking about it more and I've never exactly gotten passed those feelings. Like I every time I see him flirt with someone else it drives me nuts and I immediately have to get his attention again and it's driving me crazy. I mean this has been happening for awhile but it just really started to hit me. I'm just not sure what to do or tell him. I had texted him last night asking him if he still had feelings for me but one of his friends texted me back and told me that he was asleep and to call him tomorrow. Well we talked today but he had to go back to work when I was going to ask him. I just don't know what I'll do though. I talked to 2 of my friends about it and they said I should go for it because of how sweet he is and how good he is to me. But I just don't know.
Okay I'm done now.
I'm really sorry about the length!
~~Kimmy~~
