- Why are you doing this?
- Is it your idea?
- Are you okay with losing your virginity to this person?
- Do you plan to be with them forever?
This guide is for people who are thinking about sex and view their virginity as something special that should not just be given away to the first person who will take it away from them.
First, let’s look at what sex can do to your relationship.
Sex seems to be something that all of us want. Our hormones push us towards sex closer and closer everyday that we are in a relationship, whether we feel willing or not. Our hormones will eventually convince us that sex is okay. Those of us who have “high morals standards” for ourselves think that sex should be saved for marriage. Well, in some cases (more often than not) the relationship will not last that long. Sex becomes something that teens try to use to prove their love for each other; others use it to prove their maturity. This does neither of those two actions. Sex merely proves that the two people have enough knowledge about the human anatomy to put one body part into another body part. This does not prove love, nor does it make you any more mature. The truth on the situation is that sex has a few effects. In some relationships, the two may decide that sex is not for them. They don’t enjoy it, they don’t feel ready any more, etc. But no matter what the reason is, it causes them to avoid having sex again. In other cases, sex can strengthen the relationship by bringing each together physically and emotionally. It can take a strong bond of love and adding a strong physical connection may make the two feel even happier than before. As long as this stays in control, the effect is positive. However, as great it may be, it has its negative sides too. With the last example, sometimes the two become dependent on sex. They find themselves having sex every time they see each other. They crave it all the time. It becomes a relationship based on the physical attraction. If the two are ever kept apart for any length of time, or they lose their physical attraction to each other, the relationship WILL END.
Another way sex can destroy a relationship is through abuse. One person is in the relationship because they are in it for the person. The other person (let us assume the guy because more often than not it is the guy) is in the relationship for sex. They only are in it to get sex and they will leave as soon as they do get it. Time will usually cause the two to break up if sex is not happening. In this relationship though, if they do have sex, the guy will then probably break up with the girl so he can go out and get another girl to have sex with. However so cruel or biased this may seem, it is true. It happens all of the time, but now there have been an increasing number of girls using guys for sex within the last 10 years.
Sometimes, sex destroys the relationship because one of the two isn’t ready for sex, and if they are ready at that time, once they do go through with it, they may no longer feel ready for sex and instead of just stopping sex, they completely break up the relationship. Finally, if one person in the relationship is over the age of 18 and the there is more than a two year difference younger in age (the law varies by state and country), and somebody else finds out that they are having sex, the relationship will probably end due to it being “statutory rape”. Let’s say a friend finds out that an illegal relationship is going on, they could tell a parent. Even if the parents find out themselves, it is very likely that the relationship will end. In addition, if the two try to continue the illegal relationship, the parents could easily take the older person to court on the charges of statutory rape. These charges would have a court order a restraining order so that the older person cannot come within about 100 yards of the other (numbers may be wrong). The charge of statutory rape usually includes jail time and a hefty monetary fine.
These are the most common effects of sex on a relationship; there are others, but these are the most likely to occur. We don’t plan for these things to happen because it is impossible to plan the unknown. All we can do is be prepared physically and mentally for all of the bad or good consequences that may come from having sex. If you are still considering sex read on.
Losing Your Virginity
Losing your virginity is a permanent decision. With a girl it can be a physical thing depending on whether she has her hymen or not, but for a guy it’s really mostly a mental thing because he won’t change physically from the act itself. Let’s take this by sex.
You may not want to be reading this from a guy, so I urge you to research this on your own, but I shall only put what I know down here. If your hymen has not yet been broken, then you will be in for a shock when you lose your virginity. Your hymen is a piece of skin that is attached “permanently”. It will stay in place until broken, then it will go away forever. I am not aware of it being able to grow back. Your hymen will most likely bleed and will most definitely hurt. For those of you who have earring you might have experienced an example of the pain caused from the hymen breaking. If your earring hole grows over, you must re-pierce it and you will probably do that with an earring. It is very painful and will probably bleed and be very sensitive for a day or more. Nearly the same things happen to you when you break your hymen. You will feel pain, you will bleed, and you will be sensitive in the surrounding area for a short time. Some of you have already had yours break for various reasons. Before going on let me assure you it’s okay to have it broken before you have sex. If you still want sex, don’t let this stop you in fear of a doctor thinking you had sex. A doctor can only know you had sex if you are pregnant, (which still doesn’t prove that you had sex because semen touching your body in that area can still get you pregnant whether it enters your body from the penis or not), or if you outright tell them that you had sex. The hymen can break from many things including but not limited to, horseback riding, sitting weird on a desk or handrail, falling, using a tampon (most likely to be assumed), and even sexual abuse as a younger person. No matter what the doctors assume they won’t know the real reason so they won’t tell your parents. Also, even if they do ask you and you admit to having sex, the doctor is legally bound to keep the information from your parents. All doctors sign patient confidentiality agreements before they are allowed to have patients. This means that he or she is not legally allowed to tell your parents (unless certain criterion are met, such as they think that you are a threat to yourself, a threat to others, etc), and seriously, do you think your doctor would risk his or her job to tell your parents? NO (but always confirm for your own satisfaction of knowing)!
The odds of having an orgasm your first several times of having sex very slim to none because your hymen broke and you are in pain, or because that caused you to tense up, or because you are nervous, or because you are very tight naturally. Some women never reach orgasm during sex. The best way to achieve an orgasm for a female is through clitoral stimulation (also known as masturbation, fingering or oral sex, not sexual intercourse). After your first few times of having sex you will be sore for a day or two, but not too sore.
Okay, so you want to know how great sex is going to be the first time, right? Well be prepared to be shocked. It is not all that it is cracked up to be you know. First off, assuming you want to be safe, you will be wearing a condom. A condom is essentially shrink-wrap for your penis. It isn’t comfortable, especially if you buy a “her pleasure” condom. They are slightly tighter (but not noticeably) and are thicker to reduce your pleasure so it takes more time for you to orgasm in order to increase the odds of her achieving an orgasm. A regular condom however is still a plastic or other material sheath for your penis that will reduce your pleasure. You will feel quite a bit less of the sensation, yet your orgasm will still feel just as good as usual. You will probably have many interruptions if it is her first time because she will not know exactly what feels good for her and what may be good for you (angle, pressure, thrust depth, speed, etc.) and sex for the first time may not be fun for her. The condoms may even cause her pain and she will tell you if she is in pain, especially if you just broke her hymen. Assuming all has gone well so far, you should be trying to make sure she is feeling pleasure because then in turn she will want to pleasure you and everybody has a good time.
You will be using some muscles in your body that don’t have a high enough endurance for sex, not because you are weak, but because these muscles aren’t exercised very often through normal everyday life. They require a lot of working out so it may take a few times before you can energetically last longer while having sex. You will probably break a sweat and feel tired during and afterwards and the next day your legs and butt will probably have very sore muscles. Depending on how tight she is and how “rough” you have sex, there are odds of the condom breaking during intercourse. This can be painful as it sometimes explodes, but rarely. Just imagine, you have a tight, rubber covering across your penis that suddenly explodes as you are pushing which is causing more pressure on it. Most of the time it just rips and you will find out either during or afterwards if it broke (some people can feel it breaking, some may not). That’s why I strongly recommend the pill along with the condom. This is a risk you have to take if you plan on having sex with condoms as a contraceptive. If put on properly, you may never have the condom break, this is why they include the instructions in every box of how to properly put on the condom.
Are You Ready?
Okay, okay, so you think you are still ready for sex? Well let’s talk about STDs. They are out there and I’m not going to discuss them in great detail because we have better experts on that. In fact, in the Articles section, there are lots of good information on STDs and STIs and you should read each one of them. All I’m going to say is be careful and use a condom to help protect you against STDs because even the pill does not protect you from STDs. STDs are transmitted quite easily and for the girls who worry about that gynecologist appointment and whether they will know if you had sex, well, if you have an STD, they will know why.
Okay, so you know how good or bad sex can be on your relationship, you know about how sometimes the first time is going to be, and you have gone and read about the STDs, what’s left? Well, one last thing. I wrote this article for people who are having a dilemma about whether to have sex or not. You are probably still reading this because you are considering sex and don’t know what to choose. So let’s look at one last thing. Is this person good for you to lose your virginity to? You know, we get many years in our lives where we are at our sexual prime and during that whole time, we will have many opportunities to have sex. We don’t need to have it now when we are in our teens because we want to, because it’s cool, or because everyone else is, or because of whatever your reasoning is.
The question becomes “Are you doing this for yourself? Do you want to?” Don’t think about anyone else. This is your life and your body and you only get your virginity once. Are you willing to give it away to someone when you are so young and haven’t even finished developing physically and mentally. You have no idea if you are going to change mentally, break up with this person, and marry somebody else in the future. Sex is a very powerful thing and you should put a lot of thought into it. Don’t let anyone convince you to do it. If you don’t want it on your own, then just put up a wall and say no until you are okay with it. Don’t let their words persuade you.
Well, if you aren’t going to have sex, that is your business and I hope everything turns out well for you. Just keep this in mind to help justify it if you need to (to the other), a relationship founded on true love requires no physical action, not even hand holding. True love thrives on the mind and personality. It is true that most relationships have a physical side too, but keep in mind that if you two really love each other then you can go without sex until you are older, more experienced, know more about what you really want in life, and are married, or older, or whenever it happens.
If you are going to have sex, then be safe about it. Plan ahead. Don’t do it in the moment in a car or some weird place unless you are both okay with that. Keep in mind you can only lose your virginity once; make it something special. For your first time, you can get a hotel room, wait until your parents aren’t going to be home, do something where you can be alone and make it a little bit romantic. You will be glad that you did. Maybe some music, maybe even your song, candles if possible, and whatever you do, don’t rush it. Start slowly by talking to each other and asking each other if you are okay with it, then move on slowly by kissing slowly and passionately then let yourselves get into it.
P.S. Be Prepared!
If you are going to have sex be prepared for all the consequences. Most importantly use birth control of some sort. When I say that, I mean pregnancy preventative devices. Try to get her on the pill, or depo provera (the shot) if you can. It makes it all so much safer from pregnancy scares. Also use a condom and spermicidal lubricant. Many condoms can come already coated in spermicidal lubricant. I recommend trojan condoms or one of the other BIG NAME brands like Durex. I haven’t used them myself because I haven’t had a chance to, but I have several friends who have tried everything that they can get in our town. There are about 15 different kinds from four very popular brands here and they’ve tried nearly all of them. The girls recommend the “Her Pleasure” condoms and most of the guys recommend the same because they like pleasing the girl and it allows the sex to last longer. The guys, for some reason, like being alone, naked, having sex with someone (wink wink) so I’d recommend them to use.
Last bit of information; don’t get caught. If your parents would have a problem with this kind of behavior, never get caught. However, if your parents would be somewhat okay with it, as in they would allow it just not in their house and as long as you used protection, then tell them. It is very important that you have a healthy relationship with your parents on this one. If something goes wrong and pregnancy becomes a major part of your life, then you will be glad to have your parents helping you the whole way. If they will be okay with it then tell them. Maybe (for the girls) they will get you on the pill or the shot. Moreover, for the guys that can’t drive yet, maybe they will take you out somewhere and let you buy condoms. Parents can make your life easier and also, if they actually talk to you about what you and your boyfriend and girlfriend do, then it’s good to be able to tell them the truth and let them know how responsible about it you are. Don’t let your parents worry and don’t let it be a shock to them.
Well, finally it’s over. Have fun. Be safe. Make it romantic. I hope you enjoy it. For those of you who opted not to have sex just yet, then I’m glad you are able to make that decision. It is a hard one to make and harder to follow through with at times, but always remember why you made it and you will never fail at keeping it. You don’t have to keep that same decision forever, just until you feel comfortable with sex. Let your body grow mentally and physically some and maybe later on in life you will feel ready. Maybe next year, or the one after that, there’s no rush. You have many years ahead of you before you are out of your sexual prime, and even more after that before you lose the ability, so there is no rush to have it now as soon as you are physically able to. Wait for that special time with someone where it will be a meaningful time that you will never forget.