What You Need To Know Before Your First Time Having Sex.

by | Sep 25, 2003 | Sex, Sexuality & Pregnancy

The first time you have sex, you need to make sure you are prepared, mentally and physically. Your reasons for having sex must be something other than “I want him to like me more” or “He says I have to or he’ll dump me”. Guys who pressure girls into sex are nothing but jerks. They aren’t worth your time (or energy!) so don’t give in to them if they use some phony lines on you.

A little “myth” which also runs alongside sex is that the first time for girls is more often that not, very painful. This isn’t fully true. Many girls experience 3 minutes of pain, some 3 seconds, and some 3 days. There are a few reasons why pain can be felt. A piece of stretchy skin across the entrance to your vagina called the hymen is one of the main sources of pain for the first time. It breaks during sex and this can sometimes cause a tiny amount of pain or maybe a little bit of bleeding. Another reason is because the vagina is a muscle, and when you overstretch it, just like any other muscle, it HURTS. Because it is not used to having something inside of it, the vagina can be overstretched the first few times, causing pain. There are things you can do to reduce this pain, such as: getting REALLY aroused before intercourse, using lots of water-based lubricant as sometimes natural lubricant isn’t enough, and using spermicidal lubricated condoms. These condoms are nice and slippery and protect you against pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Diseases. DO NOT USE VASELINE OR OIL BASED LUBRICATION, ONLY WATER-BASED!!! Anything other than water-based lubrication WILL damage the condoms and make them DISINTEGRATE very rapidly.

Some people expect their first time to be “special”; they invision candles burning, music playing in the background, and slow, lingering sex followed by (of course) an explosive orgasm. This might actually happen for some people, but it only happens in the movies. The coming together of two bodies is going to be anything but graceful. If you put too much pressure on this by lighting the candles and saying “tonight’s the night!” then chances are, it isn’t going to work. Preparation for sex is of course, still important. I’m going to run down a little checklist with you to help you be sure that you are physically and mentally prepared. This list is a guide and may have left out things specific to your situation.


I cannot emphasize enough how important protection is. You must use protection to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and pregnancy! Remember, there’s nothing wrong with carrying a packet of condoms around with you, “just in case” (but not in your wallet as they disintegrate from the heat).

Do you feel ready?

Do you feel in your heart, your soul and your body that you are fully ready for the emotional upheaval your body will experience when you share this sacred act with another? If your mind is still running through the question “Am I ready?” or you are still feeling scared, then maybe you aren’t fully ready for this. Maybe you need to wait a little longer (if your partner loves you, they will wait for you).

The time and place?

If the time and place are, between the halves of a football match with his parents in the next room drinking cups of tea, then you haven’t QUITE got this sex thing figured out. You need somewhere with no distractions (like loud music or parents in the next room asleep) so that you can both concentrate fully on consummating your love in a quiet and undisturbed fashion. There’s no worse passion squishier than your little brother knocking on the door halfway through and asking you to come downstairs because dinners ready! ๐Ÿ™‚

Is this the right person?

No one is forcing you to sleep with every guy/girl you go out with. I recommend you wait at least till 6 months into the relationship before having sex. This gives you time to become acquainted with the person and trust them. It also filters out the guys (and girls) who will use you for sex and then dump you since they can’t be bothered to wait 6 months! ๐Ÿ™‚

What if I were to get pregnant?

ANYTIME you have sex you have a CHANCE of getting pregnant. You need to make sure you maturely discuss all the outcomes with your partner before commencing the act (preferably not 5 minutes before). What if you were to get pregnant? What would they do? If their answer is “Get on the first train outta here!” then you are obviously wasting your time. If their answer is “love and support you through this and respect any decisions you decide to make” then you are onto a good one here! ๐Ÿ™‚

Do I know my partner’s sexual history?

You should always know your partner’s sexual history because they COULD be carrying an STD. If your partner has already had a couple sexual partners, I would suggest asking him to get tested for STDs. Please read the article on STDs for more information.

How about a backup method of contraception?

A backup method of contraception is always a good idea, but not essential. I recommend either the pill or depo provera as your backup methods. You can read about these in the article entitled “Myths People Use To Get Sex & Information On Contraception (Protection).”

Remember that sex is a huge emotional commitment to someone and making that commitment is a very sacred thing to do indeed. Sex is fun, just make sure you take the responsibilities beforehand to make sure it’s safe and enjoyable too! ๐Ÿ™‚

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