Suggestion For Everyone

[Jaegermeister]

Ok, this has been kind of irking me for some time. I don't know why I chose to bring it up now, but I am (quite possibly it's because I'm still feeling bitchy). I suggest that we not lose focus of why teenhelp.org was created. This is not meant to accuse anyone, because everyone does this, even me. Remember, the website is teenHELP.org. Sometimes it seems to me that some people have lost the focus of why teenhelp was created, and just spend their time chit chatting. I know, chit chatting is a great way to get to know people better, but as I've been perusing the forums I've noticed that topics such as "What's your fantasy", "Who's your favorite person" , and other such fluff topics are getting much more attention than topics such as "What should I do about my boyfriend", "help me I can't stop cutting" and other topics where people really require help are going virtually unnoticed. For example: I click on the Self Harm, and on the first page of posts the largest topic I see has 22 replies. Family and Friends: 37. Relationships: 16. Self Esteem: 27. Bullies: 26. Then I go to Chit Chat. The largest thread has 109 replies. Fashion: 200. Entertainment: 751. We need to remember that many people come to teen help needing help with problems, and it seems to me we are doing something wrong if the number of replies to people having troubles is usually less than half, less than 1/4, shit, even less than 1/8 of the reply list in chit chatty stuff. If you look in a number of topics, there are usually just dialogues between 2 to 3 people. Teenhelp.org has over 2000 members, so why are only 2 to 3 people helping with problems. We all came here for a reason, either to get help, or to give help. If you don't feel like you need to get help, then by all means, WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU OUT THERE HELPING!? Yes, what people's hair color is or what someone is wearing to the prom is more interesting than reading about a person who is trying to deal with a suicidal, manic depressive brother, or a person struggling with their sexuality, but at least put forth the effort to try and help people, even if it's only to offer a few words of encouragement.



Part of this stems from something personal. I have been going through a hellish week of trying to deal with a lot of stress in my life, and I turned to a sure place to look for help, teenhelp.org. I figured people would at least say things like "Oh I'm so sorry." or maybe give me advice. I quickly realized how wrong I was. I was utterly and totally disappointed by the lack of advice, or even support that I got. Meanwhile, the topic of "What's your favorite ice cream?" in Chit Chat recieved more replies in one day than my genuine problem/dillemma/crisis (whatever you want to call it) got TOTAL. Now, I cannot help but think, how many others walk away from this site feeling disappointed and generally the same way I am feeling right now? So, I reitterate, let's make sure we don't lose focus of what teenhelp.org was created for, for helping teens. Chit chat is fun, and it is a nice relaxing thing to do, but let's not blow off people in need of serious help for frivolous things that ultimately don't matter.



TJ



PS Please, DON'T rush to my post and add replies. I only used my post as an example because I personally feel this way and I didn't want to use another person's post who felt like they were helped in a few replies.

[daffodildreams]

its so much easier to come on a forum and not have to help. this has turned into more of a "community" than a helping area. thats what happens when you add forums like "chit-chat".



its easier to sit back and let other people do it.

that is why i tend to avoid the chit-chat forum for fear of getting caught up in irrelevant topics. i came on here to share advice and knowledge, not to get caught up in chit-chat. i could use a chat room if i wanted to chit chat.



as for your post, i added a reply to it because i felt as a long-standing member who has consistently given good advice to other people.. you deserved some in return.

[Barbies are Evil]

I'm sorry that happened to you, but if you ever need help with anything else, pm or e-mail me.............What you say is true though..........We need to focus on the helping part of teenHELP.

[Jaegermeister]

Originally posted by fruitloop@Apr 10 2003, 05:24 AM

as for your post, i added a reply to it because i felt as a long-standing member who has consistently given good advice to other people.. you deserved some in return.

Awww... thanks dear one :" But part of what I want to get across is that I shouldn't be given help because I've been here so long, I should be given help because I feel I need help, and that applies to everyone, not just the regulars who have been here for a while.



TJ

[daffodildreams]

Yeah I know. I wanted to say why I replied to your post though in particular when I saw you'd made it. Just as I'd try and reply to BHO, Heart, Isabel, Dots.. etc. etc. etc. if I saw they needed help when they have consistently given it out to other people in return.

[four]

I think there are two reasons why the difference between posts in the help forums and the chit chat forums is okay. The first is there are only so many angles you can get on a help request. A lot of people are going to have the same answers as everyone else. So when they see that what they were going to post has already been said they don't post it. The person get's as much help as we can give them without a load of redundant posts. In a chit chat forum you are usually saying your opinion about something which has many more views and people will just repeat others. People are getting helped and people are having fun at the same time.



The second reason I think it is okay is because chatting keeps us sane. If we get depressed or something a chat forum can help boost our spirits, get us feeling better. If we did not have the chat forums to let off steam and calm ourselves down with we wouldn't be able to help others. The figures look incredibly disproportional at first but if you look at it from a different angle it makes sense and doesn't seem ubsurd.

[junglemonkey]

true true.



The disorders board is only two pages long



Lesley xxx

[daffodildreams]

People hardly get any replies in the disorders forum.. the mod doesn't post much?? :/



I try and post in there and be helpful, but I haven't had ~every~ disorder and can't emphathise with everybody in there. Just like suicide and depression.



Fact of the matter is, unless you are in a state where you can expose yourself to the stuff. You're gonna avoid the depressing stuff if you don't have to do it.

[Sky]

I hardly ever post in chit chat... Yeah chit chat basically defeats the purpose of this site. I mean... well yeah I agree with you!

[Jaegermeister]

Originally posted by four@Apr 10 2003, 04:18 PM

I think there are two reasons why the difference between posts in the help forums and the chit chat forums is okay. The first is there are only so many angles you can get on a help request. A lot of people are going to have the same answers as everyone else. So when they see that what they were going to post has already been said they don't post it. The person get's as much help as we can give them without a load of redundant posts. In a chit chat forum you are usually saying your opinion about something which has many more views and people will just repeat others. People are getting helped and people are having fun at the same time.



The second reason I think it is okay is because chatting keeps us sane. If we get depressed or something a chat forum can help boost our spirits, get us feeling better. If we did not have the chat forums to let off steam and calm ourselves down with we wouldn't be able to help others. The figures look incredibly disproportional at first but if you look at it from a different angle it makes sense and doesn't seem ubsurd.

Four, I agree... chit chat does keep us sane. But, I also think that everyone has something unique that could be added, but people seem to be too lazy or not care enough to reply, and it kind of disturbs me.



TJ

[daffodildreams]

Or too depressed.

[nj100688]

i agree that people need to help more but i don't like to give advice to in forums like disorders because i've never had a disorder and wouldn't know how to help. i try to help when i feel i can and after seeing your post here i think i'll try more to help even if it is just words of encouragment.

[daffodildreams]

We could always do some research on other peoples problems.. instead of going off to chit chat when something seems too difficult?



All a suicidal person needs to know is somebody cares about them, that'll delay them maybe just long enough for them to reconsider.



If a suicidal person got like 20 different people replying to their post instead of 1 or 2 people writing over and over "don't do it, we care" then maybe they'd believe us.

[girlyluvR4life]

We need to remember that many people come to teen help needing help with problems, and it seems to me we are doing something wrong if the number of replies to people having troubles is usually less than half, less than 1/4, shit, even less than 1/8 of the reply list in chit chatty stuff

DANKE SEHR! i am soooo thankful to see that there ARE intelligent people on this site! i feel the same way tho! more and more people are coming here for the wrong reasons, chitchat and shit. and yes, i mean, true thre are lots of forums for just chitchat, so i cant be mad that people are doingit. its just the fact that the chitchat forums get SOOOOO MUCH MOREEEEE *attention* than the FORUMS that are supposed to be HELPING people! like TJ said, this IS teenHELP!!!!



i have soooo much more i coudl say, but i really dont want to write 5 pages of boring blahblahblayh about how i feel, cuz personally what i think has nothing to do with anyone elses opinion! i respect everyone elses, and hope they respect mine too!

[DreamPixie]

I know I've given chitchat a hell of a lot more attention lately. After I got over my problems I realized that my friends were right and this site really was making me depressed. Spending all day reading about people who were losing their last bit of hope was making stuff seem really bleak and cutting me off from reality. Reality made me stop cutting, not this place, but it did help. Then I realize that for most people that come here reality *sucks* and we're here to help them find a little happiness in it or a way past their problems. I'd like to apologize to all the people who come here and don't get help and espeically those who come to self-harm and I look over all of their posts. I should definitely spend more than an hour a week in there, more like the 2 hours a night I used to spend personally replying to *every post.* Chit-chat saved my sanity enough, I guess it's time to get back to helping. :mwah:, nice suggestion . <3