Hope.

by | Apr 13, 2004 | Suicide

The course of life demands us some difficulties, setbacks, and obstacles that render our paths through life hard and rather harsh to put up with. I’ll say, and with all my deepest respect to official statistics, that 99% of teenagers today are facing a fierce wind in what I refer to as harsh. I’ll be kinder now when I say that 90% of them are drowning in these troubles and hitting some sort of cold bottom; alone and surrounded by void. I speak from a very true experience. An experience I lived and am still living. Just like most of them, I thought and sometimes still think of the easy passage out of this horribly tangled mess, and I direct no blame. I will speak with the usage of “we” with respect to the cases I am analyzing below.

Within the human core is a spot where we tend to give up just gaining our peace and, in our cases, things that are getting worse leave us no choice but to listen to that spot as its voice raises higher than the voice of reasoning. When things are too horrible, there is this huge weight that starts to build up in the chest. Breathing becomes a struggle, focusing is blurred by the pain & hurt as we are surrounded by darkness. We inhale a cold dry air that chills our nerves, feelings, and soul. Thinking positively has no existence in the dictionary at such times. In many cases tears of hurt and pain mix with blood, and suicide becomes the refuge and escape of the deep pit we are so horribly drowning in. A battle is lost. However, over the course of some time, I am thinking positively and feel obliged to share this with you.

Beneath the place of wrath and tears that we are sinking in, there is only one shred, one thread, that we can cling too. There are good things and bad things about this thread. For the sake of optimism, I will tell you the good part. This shred is what is referred to as hope. I call forth my hope for when all goes deadly wrong and the fact that I have no particular assurance whatsoever that those things will get worse or better. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow or the next hour. That may sound lame or too desperate, but at least I give my self an excuse to live one more day and maybe through that day something will happen to add up to my energy ad let me live one more day. As such, I have made it through for two days and then again there is still my clinging to the thread of hope for a better tomorrow. At the very least, we should all think of this: “When has the sun set and never risen to a brand new day?” I have never experienced such a time, so I say that in my life, the sun has set but it will have to rise again. It is just probably taking so long for a reason I am perfectly unaware with.

Here comes the bad part, many will just lose patience and let go. When will they wait until before losing all hope and patience? That spot I talked about earlier starts getting sorer and the voice within gets higher and louder that we here t in every breath that we struggle to breathe. My only solace to anyone who is suffering and facing some really hard time is to hold onto that shred of hope a little longer. Sometimes it will get really crappy and harsh but I have this firm belief that deep within us lies the strength to fight back. I don’t want to be talked about as “giving up” or “a quitter” so I choose to be a fighter and I believe that I, by my birth, was given one chance, one opportunity, and two choices. I MUST choose to live.

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